67firecracker
Cathlete
Sorry I couldn't remember the #'s behind the letters in your name. You asked a question of me in another thread and I wanted to answer it without hijacking that thread and I just happen to be up in the middle of the night with a horrific headcold so I'm going to answer. Here's your question:
"So did he become a pastor? I don't know why the idea of being a pastor's wife would make you gag. I've known a few priests (Episcopal, who are allowed to marry) that I thought would be wonderful husbands. Maybe a little too "cerebral" for me, but absolutely intelligent, kind, warm and humorous men."
Here's my answer:
Yep that's him - you know him? Absolutely intelligent, kind, warm and humorous - add to that a man who lost both parents growing up so he values family above all and you have a really great husband.
Yes, he became a pastor and I didn't become anything! I worked my butt off to put him through YEARS of schooling. That's one part of the decision that was hard for me to make and still is sometimes. I'm 37 and really a "nothing" career-wise. It was a hard pill for this independent soul to swallow. Of course he would put me through schooling now and I regularly debate it but between teenage orthodontia and their looming education bills I just can't see it being feasible. Pastors go through enough schooling to be a dr. but get paid on the very low end of the pay scale - another pill that I knew in advance and had to decide if it was worth it to swallow it.
Also it wasn't the 'being married' to him that scared me it was the 'job title' of Pastor's wife that scared me. In many denominations there are some pretty awful preconceptions and expectations of the Pastor's wife (PW from now on!)
Like: 1. She's as nice as her husband. (PLEEEAAAZZZZ! Two people in a relationship can't possibly both be that nice!)
2. She lives in a perfect world with perfect kids and a perfectly clean house (Major AKKKKK! I'm a really bad housekeeper and, sorry to say, a flylady flunkie. It's not about not knowing how; it's about spending so much time on such a useless venture when I could be exercising, reading etc. I really do like it clean - I just wish someone else would do it!)
3. She should be willing to give up her life for the life of the church. (Pastors often work dr's hours too. Crises don't wait for 9-5)
4. There are many others but I'll spare you.
I wasn't and am not all that!
I love my 'job' now and can't imagine life any other way. I've worked hard to spare my kids of unreal expectations and sell them on this is the best life ever. They have so many "grand-parents" and people give to us in so many ways - I don't think the average family experiences that. It's also great to spend one's life in the pursuit of helping others improve theirs.
If you have time to read here's a brief example of #1 & #3 because right now I have time to write! Last night we got a call at home at 10:15 (small arghh!) from yet another 'sad-story' man. My dh offered him a meal and a bus ticket to wherever his destination was. That wasn't good enough, he wanted cash. We won't do that and I'm not sure how long dh talked to him explaining this to him because I fell asleep. This morning 7:15 (ARRGGGHHH!) he called again with the first words "Some Christians you are you won't even help someone in need..." My dh spent way too much time listening. 8:15 he calls again! This time I answered! }( }( Poor guy - the conversation was short and sweet and we could then get on with our day!
Oh - did I ramble on or what. I'll probably regret spilling all this when the tylenol cold wears off! Sorry for being long-winded!
Trish
"So did he become a pastor? I don't know why the idea of being a pastor's wife would make you gag. I've known a few priests (Episcopal, who are allowed to marry) that I thought would be wonderful husbands. Maybe a little too "cerebral" for me, but absolutely intelligent, kind, warm and humorous men."
Here's my answer:
Yep that's him - you know him? Absolutely intelligent, kind, warm and humorous - add to that a man who lost both parents growing up so he values family above all and you have a really great husband.
Yes, he became a pastor and I didn't become anything! I worked my butt off to put him through YEARS of schooling. That's one part of the decision that was hard for me to make and still is sometimes. I'm 37 and really a "nothing" career-wise. It was a hard pill for this independent soul to swallow. Of course he would put me through schooling now and I regularly debate it but between teenage orthodontia and their looming education bills I just can't see it being feasible. Pastors go through enough schooling to be a dr. but get paid on the very low end of the pay scale - another pill that I knew in advance and had to decide if it was worth it to swallow it.
Also it wasn't the 'being married' to him that scared me it was the 'job title' of Pastor's wife that scared me. In many denominations there are some pretty awful preconceptions and expectations of the Pastor's wife (PW from now on!)
Like: 1. She's as nice as her husband. (PLEEEAAAZZZZ! Two people in a relationship can't possibly both be that nice!)
2. She lives in a perfect world with perfect kids and a perfectly clean house (Major AKKKKK! I'm a really bad housekeeper and, sorry to say, a flylady flunkie. It's not about not knowing how; it's about spending so much time on such a useless venture when I could be exercising, reading etc. I really do like it clean - I just wish someone else would do it!)
3. She should be willing to give up her life for the life of the church. (Pastors often work dr's hours too. Crises don't wait for 9-5)
4. There are many others but I'll spare you.
I wasn't and am not all that!
I love my 'job' now and can't imagine life any other way. I've worked hard to spare my kids of unreal expectations and sell them on this is the best life ever. They have so many "grand-parents" and people give to us in so many ways - I don't think the average family experiences that. It's also great to spend one's life in the pursuit of helping others improve theirs.If you have time to read here's a brief example of #1 & #3 because right now I have time to write! Last night we got a call at home at 10:15 (small arghh!) from yet another 'sad-story' man. My dh offered him a meal and a bus ticket to wherever his destination was. That wasn't good enough, he wanted cash. We won't do that and I'm not sure how long dh talked to him explaining this to him because I fell asleep. This morning 7:15 (ARRGGGHHH!) he called again with the first words "Some Christians you are you won't even help someone in need..." My dh spent way too much time listening. 8:15 he calls again! This time I answered! }( }( Poor guy - the conversation was short and sweet and we could then get on with our day!
Oh - did I ramble on or what. I'll probably regret spilling all this when the tylenol cold wears off! Sorry for being long-winded!
Trish