divorce and attorneys

[Faithnveggies]

Vague sorta question here in order to not put too much personal biz on the internet, but...

Have been working w/ divorce attys and we've reached an impasse. Next move is mediation. Starting to cost $$$$$ and I would like to avoid more of that. What about shifting to mediator sans attys?? That just doesn't seem like the best move, and I value my atty but the direction I am going in is looking really pricey. Thoughts or experiences anyone wants to share?

 

[story1267]

Jody, DX and I used a mediator for our divorce and I'm glad we did. It wasn't expensive at all and it didn't have that feeling of painful opposition that you can get with lawyers. Not saying it was easy. Not saying I wouldn't change a few things - one of those wish I knew then what I know now kinds of things. But. It was worth it in my experience.

 

[irishrose]

Jody, if you think you can settle your issues in mediation, then do it. I work in the legal field, and I date an attorney, and we've seen a few divorces, professionally and personally (we're both divorced). They can get extremely expensive, (like 80k+ expensive!) and it's usually because people are fighting over silly things. I work in bankruptcy right now, and I'm seeing alot of petitions of divorcees with legal fees owed on them. Try to settle rationally outside the courts, if you can. Unless there are custody issues involved, fighting over the material things are just not worth it. (And that's coming from my personal experience.)

My boyfriend likes to say two things regarding divorce battles that you might want to keep in mind:

1. "The only people who win in divorce battles are the attorneys." and,
2. "You can put your kids through college, or you can put mine through college."

On a personal level, my boyfriend and I settled our respective divorces outside the court, and we now have good relationships with our exes. We sacrificed some material things, as did our exes. We all had to make a lot of changes. But, nobody is broke, and all the kids involved are doing well.

HTH,
Jennifer

 

[LadyUnix]

Another vote for doing mediation, if you are on amicable terms. I'm not sure mediation can work if either party refuses to cooperate.

It is quicker, less expensive, and less confrontational. We used mediation, and it worked very well for us.

 

[Stacy]

I have no great advice on the atty/divorce front....but when you have time I'd LOVE to hear some details on your diet and fitness routine...your pics look absolutely fabulous!! I'm stalled and cant seem to get lean, would love to hear how you accomplished your goals!!

 

[red_mct]

I think you need to first ask yourself WHY the divorce is getting messy and expensive. To me it suggests someone is fighting or making it difficult, and getting rid of the attorneys isn't going to change that. So you need to ask yourself - who is holding up the process? why? Can that be fixed by having an honest conversation about what's happening, or is that impossible in your situation?

Also, if the issue involves custody disputes, I would not give up my attorney, personally. Property, material stuff - eh. That's all replaceable.

Good luck!
Marie

 

[Faithnveggies]

Sticky point is alimony and to lesser extent division of equal types of assets(house vs investments). Could a mediator sans attorneys help? I'm guessing not if he is hell bent against it.

I've added much more to this post several times, but keep deleting it in the spirit of not spilling all my stuff here on the glorious internet. Thanks for the responses. I think I need to keep putting this out to the Universe~