distant significant others?

D

divagirl

Cathlete
I need some advice from anyone who has a SO who is gone alot due to work, etc. My SO's business is causing him to work almost every night of the week over the last few months. Its driving me crazy since we don't get to see a lot of each other and only occassionally do I get a whole day. In the beginning of our relationship business was good and he worked a little and now its just ridiculous. He keeps saying short term sacrifice for long term goal but it doesn't help me now.

Friends have been away with their boyfriends on trips and I can't even get a weekend away now and we've never been on any vacation together. I'm so tired of being frustrated over this. I hate it. I feel like I need attention that I can't get. Any advice? words of comfort? Sorry for ranting...its either stomp my feet or get it out in writing. :)
 
I live with my SO and I hardly ever see him. I saw him Monday night for a few hours. Since then I've vaguely seen him when he gets home and I kind of wake up:p

I don't know what to suggest though. I don't mind it. It can get a bit lonely, but I grew up with a father who traveled extensively for business and was only ever home on weekends, so maybe that's just what I'm used to. I think if he was around all the time, he'd drive me nuts.

If his business is just taking off, I think that this is something you're going to have to get used to, for a while, anyway. Maybe try to do more things with friends, find a new hobby...?

Sorry I can't be more helpful.
 
I live with my SO as well and hardly ever see him. Just like the OP, when he and I first met business was slower for him and we saw each other all the time. Now that his business has picked up (due to the summer months, it'll slow down again soon) we never see each other. By the time he gets home I'm either already in bed or asleep. I'm ok with it though. I like having time to myself. We see each other on the weekends.

Allison
 
I used to have weekends...now I hardly have that. Most weeks I have Saturday morning before he goes to work and sunday morning for an hour and every other monday night.

I am the kind of person who does like my space, its just that this is a little too much space. I miss him but am also afraid we will just grow apart. It is a new business. Just feel like complaining about it I guess since I have no friends available to occupy me this weekend.
 
I went without DH for a year once (he was stationed in Egypt). THAT was fun let me tell you (Read: sarcastic tone).;-) I just found out yesterday that he narrowly dodged another year long deployment, this time to Iraq. He keeps telling me it's not a matter of 'if' it's a matter of 'when'. So at least you get to see your SO occasionally right? I hear ya though, it's tough when you don't see each other enough.

Carolyn
 
I've been married for a little over 12 years. Over the course of that time my husband has gone to law school(which, for those that don't know, means he was NEVER home), and worked 80 hours a week at firms. A year ago, he took an in-house position that was SUPPOSED to mean he worked less. Well, that hasn't happened. My DH takes 2 weeks of vacation a year and one of those is Christmas. This year, he hasn't taken one yet. Like Allison, I don't really mind it because I enjoy my time to myself and being able to do my own things.

However, I can understand that not everyone feels that way. Is there any way you can talk to your SO and see if he has any wiggle room with making more time for you? Explain to him that it is really important to you and that you feel it is something that you really need. MAybe have a suggestion in mind already(keeping in mind what you know about his schedule). Maybe suggest making time for a quick(hour or so) dinner together one night as a standing date--you can even meet at the restaurant so to save time.

If he really can't do anything about his schedule(which is totally possible) then YOU need to figure out a way to deal with it(I hope that doesn't sound harsh, I really don't mean it that way :) ). Maybe join a book club or make 'regular' plans with friends so you don't feel abandoned. I know that doesn't help with getting attention from your SO, but in situations like this you really have limited options. You can either work something out(if that's possible) or deal with it or, of course, leave--but I don't get the impression you want that.:)
 
My DF works a lot. He also lives about an hour away. I actually prefer him to come on the weekends and let me have my weekdays to myself. Not that I don't enjoy him here (he has actually been here since Wednesday because he is working on a major project and can get more done at home than with all the interruptions in the office). Anyway, it's nice but it does mix up my schedule a little bit. I tend to go to bed early and wake up between 4:30 and 5:00 to work out. I like to eat dinner early, he usually doesn't get home from work until 7:30 or later. I like to work out in the morning, he likes to work out after work. Nothing insurmountable, but I do like my alone time and my routines. It will be nice to be sharing one house when we get married (in November) but, for now, I enjoy having my alone time.

DF is a workaholic, I knew that before we got engaged and I really had to do some soul searching regarding if that was the kind of person I wanted to marry. With someone who works a lot, you need to make sure you are okay with spending evenings alone, possibly waiting later for him to get home, reheating dinners, etc. My Df is a wonderful person and I can live with him working a lot because he brings so much to the relationship and I can't imagine being with anyone else.

HTH!
 
I'm sorry to hear this...I have been there. When DH & I were married for about 4 years we had to be separated for almost two years. So we would write lots of letters and do Mad Libs through the mail. It gave us something to look forward to and was lots of fun!
 
Oh, Lorie. Enjoy it now! I frequently miss living in my own place. It was so much fun having nights to myself but looking forward to seeing DT, or spending a few days at his house but getting to go home. I adore him, but what fool invented the rule that married people have to live together??? ;)
 
>
> I adore him, but what fool invented the
>rule that married people have to live together??? ;)


I couldn't have said this better myself, Nancy!:)
 
Believe me, Nancy, I do!!! Like you said, it's really nice to look forward to seeing him and having time to myself. Living together will definitely be an adjustment.
 
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