dealing with son's anxiety...

[Michele S]

Hi all!

My son just started third grade in a new school and is having some anxiety, which I know is normal. My question is how to deal with it. He will complain that he doesn't feel good or that his stomach hurts, in school and out.

In fact, his teacher just called me to say that he hasn't eaten lunch for the past two days because his stomach hurts, but while she was on the phone with me he was out on the playground running around and smiling. She also commented that he seems to be having separation anxiety with her, i.e. whenever he has another class, like library or music with a different teacher, he doesn't want to go because he doesn't feel well.

Her advice was to ride it out and eventually he'll settle in and be fine. But what do I say to the constant, "I don't feel good?"

ETA: I have taken him to the doctor who didn't think there was anything physically wrong with him.

 

[Fach]

Hmm, I don't know. I suppose just encourage him and tell him how proud you are of his accomplishments at school. Maybe try a reward system?

 

[maddiesmum]

I would give him lots of hugs, do family things with him when at home so he still feels secure and sees that nothing has changed really. I don't think a reward system is necessary: hugs and love reassure better than gifts/money/chocolate. I would not pander to his claims of "my tummy hurts" because its not physical as you know. Your teacher has a wealth of experience, she's right to let him ride it out. In another 2 weeks time he'll already be better.

Clare

 

[hippahips]

The anxiety, to me, seems to come from his being a new kid. Encourage him to make friends in school. The more friends he makes, the more he's going to want to stay. Just keep reassuring him that he's going to do fine in school. Like everyone said, hugs, kisses, and tender words. Hope this helps.

Pinky

 

[Michele S]

Thanks, everyone! I really am at my wit's end, especially since the first week of school he really seemed fine. He has made many friends and his teacher assures me that he's doing very well with his work. I know the transition is difficult, especially when you know that your "old school" is still around the corner!

Thanks again!

 

[carrie123]

Yep. The dreaded "new kid" syndrom...being in the military and dragging my poor children from school to school, I've seen it at least a half a dozen times. As a matter of fact, my daughter is doing the very same thing right now. Except, we might be on our way to yet another school system in yet another state, should be the last time, but nonetheless, she's anticipating being the dreaded, "new kid". She's fine after her and I are in a comfortable environment without alot of pressures. For us its sitting in our back yard and just talking about "nothing in particular" or going roller blading at the park. She's seen the United States and it's different inner cultures, so I suggested to her to help her fit in better at school to bring up some stories about some of her previous experiences during recess/break time. For us, driving through Death Valley is quite different than skiing the slopes of Mount Burlington, or waterskiing in Lake Erie, to fishing in our favorite watering hole in Alabama, watch out for those dang, alligators though...

Just my 2 cents...

It will pass...good luck...


Carrie

http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/bar072/slider-but5/lb/209/145/191/.png[/image][/link]

 

[Michele S]

Carrie - question for you!

Hi Carrie -

I wanted to thank you for the reassuring words. Since you seem to have some "experience" in this area I wanted to ask your advice on how to deal with my son's not wanting to eat. While I know he's not going to starve himself, it is very hard to hear him say he's not hungry all the time. Yet I don't want food to become a control issue for him and use that as his way to get at me.

Any advice???

 

[carrie123]

RE: Carrie - question for you!

That's a toughy...to be on the safe side, I would talk it over with his school psychologist/counselor. It could be nothing, but then again, a school pyschologist would be able to determine if there was anything to really worry about.


I don't want to give wrong advice or anything, but in my experience, my DD has had trouble with her appetite in the past, and what I'd do if I knew she wasn't physically sick, is I would again, take her out of any pressuring environments, like a picnic on the beach, just her and I. This helped her open up to me about all she was feeling. Also, baking chocolate chip cookies together or doing anything together to get her to open up always works, after that her appetite always went back to normal.

Also, I remember her doctor told me, that sometimes when a child is growing and developing, they will go through stages of eating.
I always know if my kids are going through a growth spurt because I can't keep enough food in the house, then all of a sudden the aren't hungry for days. They eat minimal portions. But sure enough that same month or two, I'm buying new clothes because they have grown.


I'll see if I can find the exact information and get back to you on that...

Good luck

Carrie

http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/bar072/slider-but5/lb/209/145/191/.png[/image][/link]

 

[red_mct]

RE: Carrie - question for you!

You can talk to his guidance counselor. I had to do that last year, when my DS started first grade. He is very gregarious but was nervous and had a "stomachache" whenever things got too scary for him. The GC spent some time with him and soon he started to feel more comfortable.

You know what, though, sometimes I think these things are much harder on us parents than they are on the kids. They're so resilient and they bounce back quickly, but we are still hovering about in the background...

Good luck! I hope it works out soon.

Marie

 

[Joannafit]

RE: Carrie - question for you!

I really don't have any advice for you, but just wanted to say my heart goes out to your little guy and to you!!

My 6 yr old is in 1st grade at the same school he went to K. He went to all day K also. I volunteered in his room last year on several occasions, and he was fine when I left. Now, in 1st grade, I have been there twice, and both times he has cried when I left?? go figure. He knows all the kids, loves the teacher, is doing well..so I do not know what his deal is.

You have gotten some good advice on the thread, and i agree with lots of hugs!!!

 

[Michele S]

RE: Carrie - question for you!

Thanks again, everyone, for the advice and encouragement!

My son came home yesterday, very happy, and said it was a good day, which turned into a good night. I made banana pancakes for dinner because I know he loves them and he ate it! Yay! I also picked him up from school yesterday because I know the bus is one of the things causing him a lot of anxiety. I guess right now it'll be day by day, and hopefully, one day soon, this will be a non issue! I think with EVERYTHING being so new it's hard for him to control his emotions and the stomach/not eating deal is his control of the situation. Ugh! Kids! I should've stuck with dogs and cats!

I agree with it being harder on the parents, especially us moms! My daughter who is in Pre4 at the same school told me last night that two girls standing behind her in line were whispering to each other that my DD walks too slow. I wanted to find them and kick their little butts, but to her it was no big deal. Isn't it funny how kids really do go with the flow and as adults we want everything to be so ideally perfect???