Daughter at college - never dreamed it would be so hard to say goodbye

R

robyn6002

Cathlete
Well we took my daughter up to college on Thursday and said good-bye on Friday. I knew it would be hard but NEVER dreamed it would be as gutt wrenching as it was. As a single Mom we are incredible close.

In addition This summer was the toughest we have ever experienced. 5 weeks ago I dropped my son off at footbal workout at 6:15 am at 6:20 got a call, he had a full blown seizure. EMTS, ER, CT scan, MRI. The good news was it hadn't rupture is so the dr said he would have died. (A little heavy for a 15 year old to hear). They got us to the best neurosurgeons. He had 2 proceedures with the best brain surgeons (Boston has fabulous Drs). They were fabulous. He is back to his self except for the meds and no contact sports for life. Fortunately we have great faith, wonderful support network. My son is so much stronger than I realized. I think the goodbye (Thursday nite) was the cry for all we went through this summer and really seeing first hand the fragility of life and to appreciate what is really important. My daughter, son and I are even closer after this.

Anyhow please anyone who has done the college thing and has had it work out fine please post.

She was so sad.. feeling ripped away - she was "not ready for this".

She is on a preorientation trip so I won't hear until Monday. I just want her to be happy :) Before I know it she will be home for the holidays and we can do our cathe workouts together.
 
RE: Daughter at college - never dreamed it would be so ...

Awww Robyn! How wonderful you are sooo close. Yes, it does get easier each time and you know what...you won't believe how fast the four years will go. We no sooner dropped our first off at college 4+ hours away and was picking her up to take everything home for the summer. Honest! It flies by! I'm sorry to hear about your son and his horrible experience but glad you all have the faith to pull you thru the HARD times. I think a good cry was in good order. I give you so much credit for doing all this on your own too. Don't know that I could do it. God bless you all and mark the calendar. Thanksgiving is just a bit away and hopefully, you will all be together. What workout will you and your daughter do when she comes home??? Have FUN and Good Luck these next few years.
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
Hi Robyn. I'm sending a great big cyber hug your way. I know how hard it is to drop your daughter off at college. I had to do this two years ago, and like you, it was so gut wrenching. What made it hard is that I forgot my wallet in her dorm room and had to go back and retrieve it and found my daughter sitting there crying too!

My daugther entered college as a junior, so she was away for a little over two years. We just finished moving her home last weekend.

What made it easier for my daughter and I, is having AOL's IM and a cell phone plan with unlimited calls between our two numbers. We were in contact all the time. This helped so much, especially in the beginning when I didn't see her much. She was spreading her wings and wanted some freedom, but after 1 1/2 years she had enough and despite the 3 1/2 hour drives,she started coming home every other weekend.

I wish you the best, Robyn. I know it's going to be hard for you.
 
Wow Robyn, you certainly have been through a lot! Thank God your son came through that ordeal. As for your daughter, mine is 13 and it's difficult enough some mornings watching her get on the school bus! I'm sure I'll feel plenty of heartbreak when she eventually goes off to college. No matter what their age, they're still our babies!!

I can't offer you any words of wisdom, but I remember watching my mom drive away when I first went to college, and feeling a long moment of pure panic!! It's as scary to be away from home for the first time as it is to let someone go. When you hear from her on Monday, I hope she's happy and adjusting to her new experience. That will give you some peace of mind!! Hang in there!!

Carol
:)
 
Of course it's hard! If there is a strong family bond, it's hard and that's the good news:) . How sad to say goodbye to your child and NOT find it difficult.

I have a son who is a senior in college this year. Didn't come home for the summer after his sophomore year. I thought I was an unfit parent that my child didn't want me! As he said, all his friends are there (working and staying the summer) and there was "nothing" for him at home, meaning friends. He needs his mom and dad fix every now and then and says, "I'm coming home. I miss you guys." We adore him and think he's a great kid who wants to be on his own at 21. What's wrong with that? Nothing, except doofy parents who love to spend time with him!

On Wednesday, we dropped the "baby" off at college. God, we miss him. Because we've already been through it once, we know that there will be times that we feel lonely and just want to touch him - give him a hug and kiss. And we'll get that, just not when we want. :) Change is hard. We adjust; they adjust. It's all part of being a good parent and letting them fly on their own.

Alexis
 
Thanks everyone for your kind words. Debbie you are always so positive and yes I"m sure parent weekend will be here before we know it.

Yes, Kepi I can only imagine how hard it was going back and seeing her crying.

Carol funny I was so much more ready to leave (also was not close to my mother at all) I remember being thrilled to be on my own, so I guess I expected my daughter would be ready too.

Alexis that's great that your son seems so well adjusted. What got me wasn't my sorrow of her leaving - it was that she was so heartbroken and "just not ready for this". I do think the single Mom, and son's hospital proceedures just made it a lot tougher, and 4 years ago we lost my best friend to cancer.

I so look forward to seeing her happy and adjusted!

Thanks so much for your replies!
 
Robyn, I'm sorry that I read my own feelings about my kids into your post.:) Ya know what? If she still says she's not ready come parents weekend,listen to her. If she still says it come October, really listen to her. There has been a lot going on your lives and staying home for a semester, year, or commuting to a community college may be just what she needs.

I remember when my kids were young and I'd encourage them to play with the kids down the street. My boys never wanted to but couldn't explain why. I let it go but certainly did my share of "motherly" prompting (i.e. badgering) to get those kids together. Turns out those kids were "bad news" and my boys knew it.

It's hard to tell the difference between her needing to adjust and her need to be home. My guess is that so much has happened recently that she doesn't feel "safe" leaving. Time will let you know if she really needs to come home. Either way, you will make the right decision together. Best wishes to you and your family, Alexis
 
My daughter is a senior this year. I am crying with you. It is just so damn bittersweet. I cry on the way to work sometimes just thinking about what is ahead, and how much I will miss her. I am so proud of her!!! It's all part of the tears!!

God Bless!!!

Hopefull
 
I dropped my only child daughter off at BU last summer, I live in Chapel Hill, NC. It was traumatic. I am also a single Mom. But she was ok within a week, and had a great year. Now she's fine. I worried a bit, but once I knew she was OK, I was OK too. I began to enjoy the peace, quiet and neatness, not worrying about what was in the refrigerator.

This year, her sophomore year, she has transferred closer to home to save money. It's nice, but she is so much more independent and grown up. Remember, the reason you have a baby is to create an independent and healthy adult, and part of that is letting them go try out their skills and ideas. It's important. But it is sad and scary.

But it'll be fine. It really will. Take care of yourself and just wait a week or so and you'll see! ;)
 
I remember talking to my Mom after my daughter left home for a new life and feeling ssooooo depressed. My mother told me it would be a few months and I'd get over it. I didn't believe her...but it was true. The trick is to fill your time with things that you always wanted to do but maybe didn't have a chance to because your child was a priority at the time.

Like Mogambo said, the goal should be to raise our children to be independent adults, capable of functioning on their own. That's a parent's true scorecard, IMHO.
 
RE: Daughter at college - never dreamed it would be so ...

Robyn,
How scary about your son. I'm glad he got all the excellent medical care he needed!

I'll agree with Kepi on making it easy to stay in touch. I've used IM and ICQ, frequent emails and yes, the cell phone makes it better too. Also if the cell phone thing isn't possible buy your daughter prepaid phone cards so she can feel she can call anytime. Oh yes, letters, regular old snailmail letters and cards can be a big lift to lonely students. There's nothing like getting mail, email or snail mail! How about a care package now & then? The guys at the post office used to tease me when I'd load up those priority boxes with Rice Krispie treats and cookies. I think they were jealous. DD & I called them "boxes of love".

I've sent a son 4 hours away and the baby daughter off to school 8 hours away. We all survived wonderfully. The best advice they were given is to make a big school small by getting involved in activities. There the kids meet others with similar interests & can get to know one another better. Baby daughter liked to be original. We had made many different kinds of pajama pants, those comfy drawstring pants, in all kinds of fabric. Some were seasonal, Christmas, Valentine's day, others with frogs & other animals and her favorite, pizza pants. She'd strike up conversations with kids sitting next to her when they'd ask what pants she was wearing tomorrow.

You'll all come out of this experience stronger, closer & more flexible too! Enjoy watching your daughter grow, learn and become more independent & you will do so as well!
Kay
 
RE: Daughter at college - never dreamed it would be so ...

I don't have any kids yet, but it wasn't too long ago that I was on the other end--I was the one being dropped off at college!! I am so happy now that I went away to school instead of just staying at home and going to a local college. That is when I truly had to learn things for myself and that's also when I really learned to respect and appreciate my parents!! I remember the first time I got sick when I was away and my mom wasn't there to take care of me!! OUCH--reality check!!!!!! I missed my mommy!! LOL! This will definitely end up being one of the best experiences for her--and probably you too!! Just imagine how proud you will be of her when she's earned her degree, not that you aren't already!!!;-)
 
RE: Daughter at college - never dreamed it would be so ...

Saying goodbye for the first time to my daughter last August was very emotional for my husband and I. The 6 1/2 hour drive home was very tearful for us. Our daughter did very well adjusting, and knowing she was ready helped us. However, for the first month after she left, whenever I would see someone who knew she was at school I would outright cry! I think this is normal.

Remember, not everyone is ready to make the big move immediately after high school graduation. If she is not transitioning well, get her some help. Encourage her to use the counselers availabe to her at her schoool if needed. I wish you and your daughter the best, And IMHO your feelings are perfectly normal. Calling her each day to be positive can be nice for both of you.

Also, I wnate to send best wishes to your son too. :)

(((( hugs to your and your children))))

Judy
AKA "Likes2bfit"
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RE: Daughter at college - never dreamed it would be so ...

Wow thanks everyone for your kind words.

Yes it was compounded so much with my son's seizure and brain proceedures and one dr telling him at 15 he could have died.

She called today. I was elated. She said the preorientation trip was good and has met some nice girls and guys. She didn't want to talk long because my voice made her sad. Guess what she called again later to say she is making friends and tonight will be her first night in the dorm.

Yes she does have a cell phone (we have the family plan) and IM and email so yep we will be in touch! Thanks Judy I will be sure if she needs it so see the couselors. I did call before and tell them about what happened with my son (before we knew it was going to have a happy ending). They were so understanding and so happy when I called with the good news. It's a small school which helps a lot.

Also my son practiced with the football team. He can't do any of the contact work but did everything else.

I got such a nice letter from a cousin saying how my Dad would be so proud and how my kids have turned into the type of people he would want as good friends. Also what a testemant to our family that everyone was crying that we wouldn't be together for a few months! Gosh that is special and to know they have the foundation.

Not time yet to do my "own thing" I have my 15 year old and can't forget about him! My favorite activities are hiking, outdoorsy things that can still do with him.

Well now that things are calming down after his health issues and college.. I can get back into the workout routine.

Thanks so much everyone :)
 
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