I did a 5 mile run. I'm pretty much toast.
I wanted to post about something that's causing me some stress lately.
Yes, stress takes me off my game. It looks like something bad happens, and I think about what I can do to get some relief from the inner angst I feel, and food is a good choice because it's not a drug or a drink, and it offers fast relief....of course with the usual crash and recriminations afterwards.
I've been looking for a job for a long time, and I was up for a position recently that I really aced the interview. They told me I was a finalist, and they were checking my references and then all of a sudden the momentum stopped and I realized something had changed and they weren't considering me anymore. They say they are, which frustrates me because it's clear they aren't and while they don't owe me a reason, I need a job very badly, this one was a good job, I liked the people a lot and it left me feeling like a failure....right back to when my ex husband used to say that I failed at everything I tried. I've been working very hard for a very long time to try to get back into the workforce, and if I don't get a full time job by the time my son graduates, I lose $1200 a month support, and I don't know what I would do to make that up. I thought if I took classes to get myself current in my field (programming), I would get up to speed and get a job. Nobody will hire me. It's partially that I was out of the workforce for 12 years, it's partially that I'm 50 years old. It's weighing on me heavily... I just had my 50th birthday. While I've made such great strides in my life, losing 100 pounds, getting active, finding someone who loves me the way I am, this job thing is starting to take up more and more room in my life.
For my birthday I went on a 20 mile bike ride, a 5 mile run/walk, and a 750 meter swim. It was a total victory, but since then I've been in the dumps. I don't cry a lot.....maybe twice a year, and I've been crying a lot since my birthday.
I felt like sharing my struggles as well as my victories here with you ladies. We can help each other I think.