Daily Check-in
“The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” would be an appropriate title for this update. It has been a Monday all day long. I did not get to sleep until 2:00 a.m. Do not even ask why. I have no earthly idea. I dragged my butt out of bed at 6:00 a.m. just in time for my morning workout. I should have skipped my workout and done my Bible study instead. I have been backsliding in that area, and my flesh is rising up like yeast bread as a direct result.
I had fun with IMAX2. I am really glad I did it because it was the only good thing about my day. I had to modify the genie hops because I am still too heavy to hop on one leg, but the rest of the workout does not feel all that intense anymore. My endurance has obviously greatly improved because this was a real challenge for me a year ago. Now for the bad and the ugly.
My morning started with a heartbreaking e-mail from a precious friend. She is morbidly obese and totally addicted to food. Her sister did an intervention of sorts last year. My friend stayed with her sister last summer and lost 16 pounds the first week by having her sister cook for her. She loves Weight Watchers and successfully lost a huge chunk of weight by simply eating less food. She weighs over 400 pounds, gets a pile of points at her size, and does not need to exercise to see results. She can barely walk, so exercise is not really an option. She regained all her weight and then some and wrote to confess that she needs to buy a bigger SUV with leather seats so she can slide under the steering wheel. She asked me to pray that God will provide the money for her to make this purchase because she is in deep debt. Because I understand this battle all too well, I called her during my lunch hour and had a “reality check” talk with her. I told her that she does not need money for a bigger SUV. She needs to take some action and get her butt back to Weight Watchers before it is too late. She is not able to walk from her living room to her bathroom without getting winded. It is so sad. Her blood pressure is out of control, her knees are giving out under her weight, and she can barely move. I wish I could inspire her to change her life. All I can do is pray from a distance while she kills herself one bite at a time. She lives in South Carolina, so there is not much I can do in a practical way to help her. I am not good with tough love, but I was compelled to lovingly confront her with tough truth today.
I did not get my grocery shopping done yesterday, so I went to the grocery store after an exhausting day at work. I only bought a few items and could not find one of them in my bag when I got home. I was so frustrated that I drove to a small grocery store around the corner, bought a small package of cream cheese, returned home, and inhaled 2 pieces of toasted cinnamon raisin Ezekiel bread with an ounce of cream cheese. It has been a long time since that old Heather has surfaced. I am so disappointed in myself. It does not exactly qualify as a binge at less than 300 calories because I would have eaten that much for dinner anyway, but I still hate it when I act like that. I know better. I know how to deal with frustration and sad emotions without comfort eating. I should have prayed or put on some praise music and danced or poured out my feelings in my journal. But I was not thinking clearly. I was tired. I have not been getting enough sleep at night. I have not been reading my Bible every day. Not to mention, I have a fierce case of PMS. Those things are a recipe for disaster that created a ticking time bomb, and the heavenly peace I have been experiencing this year was blown to hell tonight.
I am still frustrated and anxious tonight. I feel like I am about to fly to pieces. I am typing this update to keep myself out of the kitchen. I am not even going to pack my meals and snacks tonight. I do not trust myself near food at this moment. I have such an overwhelming tendency to self-destruct. God help me because I am a danger to myself at times like this. I fly high and fall hard.
I will be fine in the morning. I just need to make it through the night. I am going to put on some praise music and bounce on my rebounder, enjoy a soothing bubble bath, try to relax, and curl up with my Bible. I keep reminding myself that I have not done any permanent damage. How I react to this stumble will determine ultimate success or failure. I had a momentary lapse in self-control, but it does not have to turn into a relapse and ultimately a total collapse. I am still in the race, my vision is still clear, and my focus is still on the finish line. As my pastor reminds me, God did not promise that we would be ahead at the half. He just promised that we will win in the end. Amen!
Jane, I hope you had a more victorious day than I did!
Phyllis, Supersets has fantastic music! I may do it in the morning to get back on track again!
Blessings,
Heather B.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” (Hebrews 12:1 NIV).