Cultural differences--bathing

B

Bunbun

Cathlete
My BF and I have a guest from France staying at our home. Good friend of ours and a sweet person, but let's just say that we are both unpleasantly surprised at how little he showers. I don't want to insult him--like I said, he's our friend and a really nice person. I did manage to tactfully convince him to put on a clean t-shirt yesterday before we went out, and that helped some, thankfully. Anyhow, I had thought that the whole thing about Europeans not showering and instead covering up with cologne went out in the 1970s. Am I wrong? Is this just a matter of poor personal habits, and not cultural? Or is it still common in at least parts of Europe to bathe only every few days (despite, say, sitting in an airplane and traveling for 24 hours, and then walking around town for hours in the heat...)?

I remember when I was a teenager, I started to shower and wash my hair every day--my parents used to think I was crazy. Their generation only showered once a week at that point, but I never remember them smelling bad, so they must have at least washed up well daily.
 
Are your sure it's not showering that is the problem?

I had a French boyfriend years ago who was very active, and he would shower 2-3 times a day...but then put on the same stinky clothes! He just never smelled it, until I pointed it out. (I coulnd't NOT point it out, because sometimes when he put his arm around me, I wanted to gag!)

His sister, who was about 14 at the time, often wore the same dress for a week (more typicial in Europe, where water costs more, and laundry services are expensive).

When I was a grad student, there was an Italian TA who had an office a couple of doors down from mine. He reaked! And the stench was coming out into the hallway. Once, I went to the main office and asked the secretary if she had any air freshener, and when I passed by his office (when he wasn't there), I sprayed it.

Europeans are better these days, though, so maybe it's more a personal habit? Also, could depend on where he is from in France.

Whatever the case, I'm sure he doesn't notice it.

Since you've already succeded in tactfully convincing him to put on a clean t-shirt, maybe you could extend that to tactfully making him aware of the 'more-sensitive American nose" that he now has to deal with? Better you than someone he doesn't know making some kind of comment.
 
My relatives from Italy are the same way. Never shower. I remember when my cousin came here to visit back in the 80's, he stunk so bad! It was gross. Not sure he's still like that. My mom takes showers every day, at least that I know of. She doesn't smell.
 
We had relatives visit from Italy once and they wreaked, too. My mom, who came from Italy, only showered once a week but she bathed at the sink everyday and she never smelled. I think they thought more about conserving resources than we do.

As for your friend, how about if YOU draw a bath and put a nice glass of wine, a good book, and a big fluffy towel in the bathroom for him. You can tell him you thought a nice bath would be relaxing after his trip and this oppressive heat.
 
Thanks, he took a shower this morning, finally. We really encouraged the putting on a clean t-shirt thing--we told him we would do his laundry for him if he ran out of clean clothes!! I think that half the problem was wearing a dirty t-shirt, because that one t-shirt he had on was really ripe. Afterwards, in a clean shirt, you would sometimes get a whiff, but it wasn't constant. I've been trying to think up ways to bring up the subject about differences in bathing habits here--I wanted to somehow get in a mention that Americans consider it rude to walk around reeking from body odor unless you're at a gym--and even then, you'd better be heading right toward the showers! It's just so hard to find the right opportunity to bring up the subject without hurting feelings, which I really don't want to do--especially since he's only here a short time.

I did keep dropping hints over the past 2 days, by the way, too! After my workout, I talked about how I needed to take a shower because I was sweaty and I was sure that I stunk....and then yesterday we were out in the heat all day, and I came home and took a shower after loudly talking about how grubby and sweaty and smelly I was from walking in the heat all day. He just didn't get it.
 
Perhaps you could phrase it something like "Oh boy, I bet we all really need a good shower after being out in that heat! We must smell really ripe!". That way you include yourself in the stinkiness but still get the point across.
 
>Perhaps you could phrase it something like "Oh boy, I bet we
>all really need a good shower after being out in that heat!
>We must smell really ripe!".

Or he might take it as an invite for a 'ménage à trois' in the shower.}(
 
LOL!!!! My BF says that if he had any worries about me and our friend hitting it off a little too well, he knew he didn't have to worry after he got a whiff of him! A little bit of sweat smell on a guy can actually be sexy, but not to the point where you want to retch.
 
In my previous job I spent A LOT of time in Europe and had a lot of Europeans over here - spending 10 days at a time with them on a bus - people from Italy, France, UK, Belgium, Germany (even a 10 day trip in an RV - another story for another time!) - and they NEVER stunk - in their countries or ours. I'm thinking maybe it's a personal hygiene issue. Or maybe since all these people were in the tourism industry they learned the showering ways here. But I really didn't notice it over there either and I have a pretty sensitive smeller.

Good luck!!!

Suz

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

http://www.picturetrail.com/dogs2birds
 
Please don't lump us Europeans together under the single rubric. There are vast cultural differences between us. In the UK we bathe daily and wear clean clothes after bathing. In Summer I may bathe three times per day.

I suspect there are clean and less clean people in every single country, yes, even in the US.
 
thank you maddiesmum!!!

many of my relatives are spread throughout europe: portugal, spain, and france. we've visited them and they have visited us, and I have to say there was never a body odor/showering problem with them or anyone we encountered.

cristina.... go portugal!!!
 
I wasn't lumping all Europeans together. I was just wondering if there were cultural differences that I wasn't aware of in terms of bathing. And by cultural differences, I meant differences that vary from country to country.
 
LOL ... if you are in the South it is probably this oppressive heat that is the problem ... OMG ... we have been at a steamy 100 - 102 the last week! :O) ... maybe he is not used to your climate???

I mean... here .. go out at lunch the car is probably 250 degrees .. walk to the store or run errands and you are drenched in sweat ... I keep the deoderant and baby wipes in my gym bag .. LOL!!!

But as far as a stinky houseguest .. I would just have to be totally up front .. and tell him to take a bath .. if he is sitting on your furniture .. eeeeewwwwwww ... yuck .. sometimes a very tactful straight forward approach is best!!

.. we have a guy the goes deep sea fishing with us .. and wipes his hands on his clothes .. (you know sqid, bait, guts, blood) .. and he is NOT allowed on the furniture until the bath is taken .. and the clothes are in HIS car .. LOL .. we had to start calling him pigpen .. he laughed .. and knew it .. and was very courteous NOT to make a mess in the house! LOL .. :7
 
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