Could use some advice..

K

Kathy02

Cathlete
Ok, for a little over 2 years now Dh and I have been trying to get pregnant with a second child. At first we were getting pregnant, but having miscarriages, that happened 3 times in a row. Then we stopped trying for about 6 months, and during that time I went on the pill for a few months. Then we found out that I lave an Anti-Coagulation problem and that was the reason that I was having all these miscarriages. Now, for the past 10 months we have been trying to get pregnant again. Now we just aren't getting pregnant. I've gotten the book about FAM, and have been using that and tracking my temps and all that good stuff. Nothing. Should I, or maybe I should say, would you go to a vertility specialist? Or should I just say it's not going to happen, be happy that i have one child and be done with it? I am not sure whether I should even bother going to a fertility specialist because I feel like I'm being selfish by wanting another that badly. There are so many people out there that can't even have one child, I should just be happy that I have one. yet I want another. And I just want to know why now, all the sudden we can't even get pregnant. I eat right, I'm taking prenantals, I'm doing everything that I can to get pregnant, short of seeing a specialist.
I'm ready to give up. I've watched all my friends get pregnant and have children, even have 2 in the time that I've been trying to have 1 and I'm getting very depressed. is that wrong of me to feel sad for myself because I can't seem to have another child? I guess I'm looking for some support and some words of wisedom.
Thanks for your time.

Kathy
 
Kathy although my experiance wasn't totally the same, I can relate.

I started "preparing" to eventually get pg in Oct 2003 by taking my last shot of Depro-vera. It wore off in Jan of 2004. I got on bcp's to help me get my period but after 2 months of nothing I was sick of it and since DH and I decided if it happended then we could deal, then off bc I came. But it wasn't until June 2004 that I got my first bleeding and my first normal period in August of 2004. I have been keeping track of my cycles since June, but started temping in August. I used www.fertilityfriend.com to chart for free - awesome website, makes it so easy to look at past charts and compare. Well we got pg in December of 2004 just to have a mc right away. I felt the same thing - was this totally wrong of me to want a second one so badly? Was it really God's will? But I felt peace to go on trying, two months later I concieved this baby. I feel like I had been trying since April of 2004 but if you count really trying w/charting then since August 2004. I had two friends get pg w/no period after bc so I was so hoping to be one of them. I can't tell you what is right for you. What does your husband think? But I know the frustration. I had 7 friends pregnant or get pregnant while I was trying and went to baby shower after baby shower. I visited 4 babies who were just born in the hospital since the fall, talk about hard. It was so trying and DH didn't understand how a woman feels going through this. After the mc the sight of Motherhood Maternity made me depressed, and long for the baby I lost. But for me I didn't have to wait so long, but for someone waiting even longer - well that would be very very difficult.

Some help/tips:

Do you have the book Taking Charge Of Your Fertilty, get it if you don't.

on some fertility sights many women have tried this plan and SWEAR by it:

http://www.pregnancyloss.info/sperm_meets_egg_plan.htm

Are you tracking your cervical mucus along w/your temps? Do you have normal cycles? And have you pinpointed your normal ovulation day? How aggressively have you and DH tried at that time of the month (don't answer if you don't want to ) If you only agressively tried say 8 times out of the 10 you have been trying then I would say - that's really not SO bad (well you kwim - it sucks but then count only 8 months of really trying).

Did your medical condition get completely fixed so it doesn't hamper you trying agian? - are you REALLY SURE? I know nothing about it but one thing off and it can change everything

When did you have your last paps smear? Infections can cause mc - it caused mine, and I didn't even know I had it until after the miscarriage.

Don't feel bad - if you and DH are at peace at trying (although you want to die from frustration and effort) then go for it. If DH and you are at odds- well you need to deal with that so stress doesn't keep you from concieving - isn't the hormone thing just a killer?

I know where you are coming from in part and chin up - YOU AREN"T ALONE! any other questions - feel free to ask away!

HTH a little.


ETA: the average couple conceives after 6 months of agressively trying, it is NOT unusual (though completely sucks) for it to take up to a year and have NO PROBLEMS W/YOU OR YOUR PARTNER

But if you have tried everything under the sun - then go to an RE, get checked out and find out IF there is a problem. If there is a problem, THEN decided what to do. If there is NO problem get going and it will happen.
 
Oh, Kathy, I am so sorry to hear about all of your miscarriages. Unfortunately I don't have any pearls of wisdom to give you. However, if it were me I would probably consult a fertility specialist. He would at least let you know what is going on with your body. You are not being selfish in wanting another child. As long as you love your child(ren) then you can never have too many. I can understand why you feel sad. I wish I could give you some kind of advice. Follow your heart and give your little one lots of hugs and kisses. God will lead you in the right direction.
 
Kathy,

I think Julie gave you lots of good advice and I don't have anything to add to that. I just wanted to tell you that your desire to have another child is not selfish or extreme, or anything but completely normal. I'm sorry you've experienced so many miscarriages. I experienced one, and am not sure how many times I could put myself through that. I think you definitely should start talking to doctors about fertility treatments, etc. You at least owe it to yourself to learn all you can about what you would need to do to get pregnant. Once you've got the information, you can decide then whether you actually want to go through with it or not. Plenty, plenty of couples have successful pregnancies with help from fertility doctors/meds.

Good luck, and keep us updated on how you're doing.
Sandra
 
Kathy,

I am sooooo sorry you are going through this! It is such a painful thing!

<Should I, or maybe I should say, would you go to a vertility specialist?>

This is something only you can answer, but from what I have read in your post it sounds like you are ready for this next step. A consultation just to see what a specialist advises. Remember you don't have to commit to anything.

After my miscarriage, I sought treatment after only 3 cycles of TTC. Everyone told me to be patient, give it time, stop stressing it would happen, read TCOYF (great book but the answer is not always as simple as that). I am glad I went, because I did have a diagnostic lap that found a problem and I did conceive.

The recommendation is to seek treatment after 1 year of TTC if you are under 35... 6 months of TTC for those over 35. I believe TCOYF recommends seeking treatment after 3 or 4 cycles of properly timed intercourse.

<I'm ready to give up. I've watched all my friends get pregnant and have children, even have 2 in the time that I've been trying to have 1 and I'm getting very depressed. is that wrong of me to feel sad for myself because I can't seem to have another child? I guess I'm looking for some support and some words of wisedom.
Thanks for your time.>

(((((HUGS))))). I felt like giving up too. It was difficult watching my friends reproduce at will. I felt angry, jealous, sad, and depressed to name a few. I asked "why?" A LOT! Your feelings are normal. I wouldn't say your are wrong to feel these things, you are on an emotinal rollercoaster.

Kathy, here is a link to a TTC resource you may find helpful. I found this to be a source of help. There are many others. There is a discussion board for just about anyone. It may help to connect with others going through this. There are also support groups.

http://www.tryingtoconceive.com/

It is starting to storm, I may post more later. Feel free to pm or email me privately.
 
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I do have the Book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and have tried to use their advice. There have definately been months where during that time of the month that I'm the most fertile we just can't seem to "connect". Things get buisy sometimes and we either don't hardly see eachother or are too tired. So, this is partly our fault, because we haven't been trying as seriously as I'd like to. Yesterday was hard for me though. Mainly because I was late, and then yesterday I finally got my period and I then got an email from a friend saying that she will be induced at the end of the month. I just lost it. It's the third friend in 1 week now that has either told me they are about to have their baby or has had a baby, and then to have my hopes crushed by getting my period, it was too much for me yesterday.
I'm glad that you don't think that I'm being selfish by wanting another child this badly. I always used to say that if I couldn't have another child I wouldn't bother going to a fertility specialist, I would just be happy that I had one. But now that I'm here and it's really happening to me I'm thinking, maybe I'll go back on what I said. But I also think that I will wait for a few more months and see if we will just get pregnant.
The wierd thing is that it used to be that my husband and I would get pregnant by hardly even trying. WE would joke, "He only needs to sneeze in my general direction, and we'll get pregnant." So I don't understand why now all of the sudden it's just not happening.
Well, I'll keep you all informed if I get pregnant or if we find out why I'm not getting pregnant. Thanks again for all your kind words!

Kathy
 
Kathy -
Most anti-coag issues can be treated fairly easily w/heparin or a simple baby asprin (I am taking one/day myself.) I saw a Reproductive Endochronologist myself b/c I was having early miscarriages as well. What he explained to me is that the mc will happen earlier each time if your body is rejecting the baby (it causes your blood to clot & "kill off" the foreign object.) He compared it to an allergic reaction. The first time, you might get a rash, next time a worse rash, the third time anaphalctic (sp) shock b/c your body will react more harshly each time it happens. You could still be getting pg & then losing it before you even know it at this point. It almost happened to me w/this pregnancy.
My advice is to see an RE - they will be able to tell you what is going on. They can run so many tests now adays :) And your insurance should cover most everything (mine did - except for genetic testing.)
Keep in mind as well, that our bodies change. I have a dd who is 12 & I had none of these issues when I was pg w/her! So anything could be going on. See someone who can give you the answers you deserve. Trust me, it's worth it!
Please let me know if you have any other questions!
Lynne

http://lilypie.com/days/050916/0/23/0/-5/.png
 
Hi Lynn! I am taking a baby asprin everyday, as well as 1200 mg of vitamin E that my friend, who happens to be a holistic doctor, told me to take. I didn't have any of these problems with my son either, but that was almost 6 years ago. My concern now is that something else is wrong, either I have endometriosis (sp?), or I have scar tissue from the last D&C, or something along those lines. Maybe it's nothing and I'm just getting unlucky. Like you said things change, and that's what I'm concerned about. I will give it another couple of months here, like I said. Then I will more than likely go see a specialist that my Ob recommends, if it doesn't happen. I just needed to be ressured that I wasn't being selfish to go see a specialist. Because for some reason I felt selfish to want another badly enough to see one.

Kathy
 
Hi Kathy! I"m so glad to hear from you. It seems like such a long time!!! I've been including you in my prayers & 1/2 way hoped that you had conceived & delivered and just forgot to tell us. ;) Anyway, I will still be praying for you.
FYI, Vitamin E has now been put on the NO list for supplements. It's actually been shown to increase cardiovascular events. You may want to consider this before continuing with this therapy.
Lots & lots of good advice above. This site never ceases to amaze me with the educational, spiritual, and inspirational advice. You girls rock!!!
Keep in touch Kathy. :)

**Melanie**
Justin born 1/17/04
Jory born 4/9/94

 
Ahhhh, you have a blood coagulation disorder. Is this the only recommendation your OB made for anticoagulation... the baby aspirin? There are several clotting factor disorders thought to be associated with miscarriage. THe OB/Gyn I started my last pregnancy with diagnosed me with MFTHR (clotting disorder) and gave me an instruction sheet with various supplements for various clotting disorders. I'll hunt for that sheet.

When I had my diagnostic lap, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. The right ovary was immobile, which can make conceiving difficult. Secondary infertility is a real issue for many women.

I swore I would never see a specialist, take clomid, use injectables, or IUIs. Well, I did all of that.

You are NOT selfish for wanting another child.

I am going to say a prayer for you!
 
Kathy, I just wanted to say you should absolutely not feel selfish for wanting another child, and you should not give up because it is obviously something you really want.

http://lilypie.com/days/050710/4/23/1/-7/.png[/img][/url]

Due 7-10-05
 
Kathy,

I pm'd you some information that may be helpful. I couldn't stop thinking about you, so I did a little researching.

Take care!
 
Hi Melanie, thank you for keeping me in your prayers, you're so sweet. And congratulations on your new pregnancy as well!
Autumn, I never got the PM, I don't know how to pick it up though. So, maybe I did get it, I just don't know it. Could you email that information to me. I'd love to look at it and see what it says.

Kathy
 
Kathy,

I emailed ya. Let me know if you don't get it. I am not sure it will give you much information, but I hope it does help or at least shed some light on the disorder.

Take care! Keep us updated!
 
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