Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. It's nice to know I have friends here.
What I have been doing so far is writing down every single good memory I have of Carol. Although it's painful at this point, it's absolutely necessary, because I feel I must get everything down while it's still fresh in my memory for the sake of her children. I want Nikki, her 3-year-old, to know that she used to get hiccups while she was still in her mother's womb and how much that made Carol laugh when it would happen. I want Tyler, her 7-year-old, to know that his mother used to stand next to the light switch for what seemed like hours on end because when he was a baby he never tired of turning the switch on and off, on and off. These things are so important for them to know. Carol would want me to to anything I could to make sure they remember her. I've also begun asking close friends to do the same, and once I get everyone's memories together, I'll put them together into a sort of 'mommy memory book' or something like that...
I'm also thinking about calling my old therapist and maybe start seeing her again. I say maybe at this point because my mother (who is a psychotherapist herself) recently told me that one should ususally wait awhile before beginning bereavement counseling - usually 3 to 6 months after the event - because at that point a person is usually looking for some sort of closure, and able to really accept what's happened.
In the meantime, I plan to pick up a copy of Kubler-Ross's "On Death and Dying" - which happened to be one of Carol's favorite authors (Carol was also a psychotherapist)
I would like to think that the hardest part of this is over, but I know it's probably yet to come. I actually said the eulogy at her funeral - I still don't know how I got through it, except that I didn't break because I wanted to do her justice, to make her proud. I think she was probably behind me, holding me up.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my primary care physician, which, hopefully, will ease my mind about concerns regarding my pregnancy. I haven't really had any of that cramping I mentioned for the past couple of days now...
Thank you all again for all your support - it means a lot to me.
Love you all
Amanda
What I have been doing so far is writing down every single good memory I have of Carol. Although it's painful at this point, it's absolutely necessary, because I feel I must get everything down while it's still fresh in my memory for the sake of her children. I want Nikki, her 3-year-old, to know that she used to get hiccups while she was still in her mother's womb and how much that made Carol laugh when it would happen. I want Tyler, her 7-year-old, to know that his mother used to stand next to the light switch for what seemed like hours on end because when he was a baby he never tired of turning the switch on and off, on and off. These things are so important for them to know. Carol would want me to to anything I could to make sure they remember her. I've also begun asking close friends to do the same, and once I get everyone's memories together, I'll put them together into a sort of 'mommy memory book' or something like that...
I'm also thinking about calling my old therapist and maybe start seeing her again. I say maybe at this point because my mother (who is a psychotherapist herself) recently told me that one should ususally wait awhile before beginning bereavement counseling - usually 3 to 6 months after the event - because at that point a person is usually looking for some sort of closure, and able to really accept what's happened.
In the meantime, I plan to pick up a copy of Kubler-Ross's "On Death and Dying" - which happened to be one of Carol's favorite authors (Carol was also a psychotherapist)
I would like to think that the hardest part of this is over, but I know it's probably yet to come. I actually said the eulogy at her funeral - I still don't know how I got through it, except that I didn't break because I wanted to do her justice, to make her proud. I think she was probably behind me, holding me up.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my primary care physician, which, hopefully, will ease my mind about concerns regarding my pregnancy. I haven't really had any of that cramping I mentioned for the past couple of days now...
Thank you all again for all your support - it means a lot to me.
Love you all
Amanda
