Chronic Unhappiness/Discontent?

Wow, I can't believe all the helpful advice here. I am glad to know I am not alone. You get frustrated when you feel as if you have tried everything yet you still feel this way for no good reason. I can't imagine how many people walk around like this everyday. I have the guts to post, but many do not. I'd say this is likely how my sister feels as well but won't admit it. Denial.

Eminenz...those books....I came across the "Half Empty Heart" one yesterday and planned to get it at the library today. I think it describes me well. I can probably point out a major depressive episode years ago as well. I didn't think that was what it was at the time, but in hindsight it may have been the start of all my problems.

I really can't talk to my family. They really are not helpful because they are kindof unwell too. I hope you understand what I mean. I feel like I really can't talk about this at all to my husband because the poor man is so tired of listening to me...I mean how could he not be? If I don't find a solution I fear I will lose him because he has made comments (mostly in fights) about how "I am never happy", etc. He gets tired of not feeling well because he is always around someone who doesn't feel well. Can't blame him. But I feel as hopeless and helpless as he does. He can't understand why I can't just "snap out of it" and just CHOOSE to be happy. It is no wonder I am always unhappy. I can't remember anyone being happy in my house growing up. EVER.

I am burdened by "shoulds". I know what my husband wants, I just don't know if I can give it to him. He says he doesn't care...he just wants me to be happy...but you can tell he does care.

You know, my life isn't all torment, I don't want to paint it as such. I am happy when hubby and I spend time together..such as lay around and watch movies. We get along so well, he is wonderful to me... I am happy after a great workout. I am happy when I get to feel the sunshine on my face on the top of a mountain. It is at those times that I see possibility, I see hope, but it is abruptly extinguished soon after. But I can sit down and say three things I am thankful for, no problem, but it doesn't change my stinking thinking.

It is about CHOOSING. But you have to learn to think differently to get to that point. I believe it is in cognitive therapy where to solution lies. Not in meds. Not in a better job or kids. I need to do that exercise, you know where you read these positive statements about yourself, over and over, 50 times a day until you believe them....}( Serious, though. Thank you Lorie for all the info on dysthmia. I will check it out.

I think I will get those books and make an appt with a therapist my sister was seeing (until it became too much work for her-she gave up). This therapist gave lots of "homework", which I believe is necessary for recovery/change.

It was the one year anniversary of my father's death yesterday. Maybe I was just really moody. And, I keep thinking of my cat, that was hit by a car two months ago. I just keep seeing him and thinking about him, I am always down about it. I miss them both.

Thank you again everyone. You have all helped me a great deal. Happiness does lie within. It is just finding it that is going to be tough.
;-)
 
Hey Janice,

I could have at various times of my life written your post word for word. Sometimes I'll still feel that way for a day or two and then it will pass. Other times it was a feeling that had persisted. A lot of wonderful ideas were mentioned in others' posts. I personally love Marianne Williamson. She has a 4 cd set called "Letting go and Becoming" which I think is wonderful. I have listened to it many times and I always seem to relate and get something different each time. It touches on the existance of being human where we can fool ourselves into "I'll be happy when ________ happens". I think you are more on a spiritual path to finding happiness than physically being depressed although they can coincide. Happiness is in all the moments. I also like Susan Jeffers book "End the struggle and dance with life". I've gotten tired of the years of fighting the discontent in it all and try to flow more with life. I pray too and ask the Holy spirit to correct my perceptions of situations (based on a course in miracles) It amazes me sometimes how much that can help.

Good Luck Janice...you'll find your way.
 
Janice, please, if this helps at all, remember that everyday you touch someones life being a nurse. You help someone feel better, you help someone get over a cold more quickly.
I don't know what to tell you how to get over this "helpless" feeling that you have. I do think that you should see a psychologist though. Maybe they can help you figure out what it is that is making you so unhappy. It could just be that you have to go on an anti depressant. Or maybe it was something in your childhood that you need to get off your chest. Or maybe there is another factor in your life that is making you unhappy.

Good Luck!
Kathy
 
Thanks everyone. Got those books and plan to read up. And you are right Kathy! Maybe becoming a nurse is my FATE, a way to take the focus off myself and truly make a difference to somebody. I might feel the way I feel but one thing nursing school has helped me do is step outside of my own box and see how much worse off others are oftentimes. I have MUCH MUCH MUCH more empathy now. Maybe I can put that to good use....as long as night shift works!!!:eek: :eek:

I got another book, "Finding happiness" and another one about how to find the joy in your life, finding the joy in everyday life....maybe THAT is what I need....:D
 
I do think you may have some depression going on.....the way you feel may just be a transient thing and linked to a fear of change.

Did you know that when the one of the first astronauts to land on the moon ( Buzz Aldrin) returned, he was overwhelmed with depression?

Many high achieving people become depressed after they feel they have achieved their goals.

However, if these feelings last more than a few weeks, I'd see my doctor.

I can say this because I have depression that has disabled me.

I was in denial about being depressed for a long, long time.

And I doubt anyone is going to flame you.

I have decided that flaming gets a person no where.

I now refuse to flame anyone or to answer hateful emails.
 
Researchers say that depression has a genetic link and I believe them.

My mother and her brother killed themselves and were substance abusers prior to their deaths.

Depression is a chemical imbalance of the brain (or so they say). I wish there could be a way to definitely diagnose Major Depression. There are surveys, but it would be nice it an MRI or some other test could prove the diagnosis.

It sounds like you may need to try another antidepressant or you may be medication resistant like me.

Psychiatrists call what you feel as "dysthymia" (probably misspelled).

It is a feeling of melanchology no matter what.

But when you enter into the Valley or the Anvil, as I call it, it may be time for more agresssive approaches.

BUT NEVER, EVER, NEVER AGREE TO ELECTRO CONVULSIVE THERAPY! It used to be called Shock Therapy.

After a lot of research on the subject and after talking to people who have have ECT, they told me that huge parts of their memories were wiped out. Not just short term, but years of their past.

I am trying to get my insurance to approve Vagus Nerve Stimulation.

One other thing: you are NOT a poor writer!
 
Hi, Janice:

You've gotten lots of great advice and support here. I went through a major depressive episode years ago and got over it with a combo of meds and intensive cognitive therapy. My therapist was a family systems therapist, so we spent a lot of time talking about who I was in my family of origins and how that continued to impact me in the present. It really helped me gain perspective and peace. Also, you're and RN so you understand that there is a physiogical component to depression and other mental health issues, and that may need to be addressed.

My only other thought, after reading your post is, instead of trying to FIND you, why don't you try to BE you?

Hugs your way,
Marie
 
Janice, I just finished a book about finding your strengths. There were many categories of strengths. It said my greatest area of strength is as a "restorer" which means I like to make people or things whole again. What was interesting was to learn that there are not certain fields for certain strengths. Apparently, most fields are wide enough that they can use all kinds of different people with different strengths. So, apparently there is no wrong field or right field. (Having said all of that, though, I would love to be a nurse, if I could really help people feel better. I'm quite envious of your training.)
 
Nancy:

How fascinating... without reading the book to which you refer, I am a restorer, too. I booked Remedies in Law School and live to find the remedy to fix whatever or whomever is broken. And I'm also an Estate Planning attorney, like you are. Interesting??

Janice, et al and Lorie: Again, thank you, Lorie, for your very, very inciteful and helpful post the other day. Just knowing that there are actual guidlines that professionals have developed in response to this REAL problem makes me feel better. I have felt so much better after reading your post. In fact, I printed it out and am trying to focus on each point on different days. I'm a little unsure about what, "All behavior is purposeful," means in the context of choosing how we feel. If you have time to elaborate, will you?

Something else that I think you ladies will appreciate: I came across a book that my grandfather published when he was 90 years old, back in 1983. It is called, "Prescription for Tomorrow: Twelve Steps to a Happy Life." He quoted Milton from "Paradise Lost" where Satan yelled at God as he was being driven from heaven, "The Mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven." So, he advises that the way to fill that prescription for tomorrow (the first of twelve in his book and most important) is to resolve from this day on that you alone will decide what thoughts shall enter your mind; you alone will determine what you will think about, how you will think about it, when, how much and how long.
 
Nancy,

What is the name of the book?

In some ways, I am envious of YOUR training. But I guess that is my problem...wanting what I don't have, thinking somehow I'd be happier or fulfilled from something different...
 
Okay, the "all behavior is purposeful" thing...

I just think people need to realize that all our behavior, everything we do, has a purpose. We need to know that. Even the "bad" behaviors. For example, if someone is depressed and they stay in bed all day, that behavior is serving a purpose (maybe to not have to deal with the outside world). Or...staying with an abusive husband (in this I am speaking from experience). While it was miserable, I had to realize that it was serving a purpose for me. For me, that was "reinforcing" that I "deserved" to be treated that way because I probably wasn't that great of a person or I needed to "counteract" all the good things in my life. It was difficult to look at the rasons I chose to stay and realize that I was responsible for them. Once I did that, I left. Everyone will have different reasons as to why we do things. The most difficult part is to really look into OUR reasons why and be honest with ourselves. They may not be happy and fun (like realizing an abusive relationship reinforces low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness), but they are there. You just have to be willing to see them.

I think it's important to realize that we are creatures that respond to reinforcement and we are not going to do things that don't reinforce our behavior in some way-even the bad things. We work out because it makes us feel better, is healthy, etc.-all reinforcing things. Bad things, like overeating or starving ourselves, also serve some purpose. When I say all behavior is purposeful, it may not be for a good purpose, but it serves a purpose.

Did I explain this okay?

Lorie
 
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