I agree with Clare and Staci...and you know this too...just try to not make a huge deal out of your daughter being overweight. Love and support are what she needs at this age/stage. She knows she's bigger than the other girls in her class and that is on her mind anyway without having adults point it out too. Like Clare said, as long as you are making sure she is eating a healthy diet and not eating junk foods that are empty calories, and making sure she stays active and plays outside...not sitting in front of the television or constantly reading (some kids will dive into reading to avoid having to play) but as long as you are doing your best to help her from gaining anymore...than that's all you can do. As has been said, genetics are cast in stone. Not everyone is blessed with a 'average' build.
My family is all slender and we don't have any one who is overweight. All of my neices and nephews on my side are slender as well. My husbands side is a different story. His mother and his two sister's have been overweight as long as I've known them and it's because they eat all the time and when they eat a meal they eat enough for three people. All three of these woman also have extremely large breasts. Now, I mention that because my H and I have 3 daughter's and I've always said I can deal with them inheriting H's genes to eat like hogs but I sure hope they don't inherit the huge busts because those big boobs will keep them from being as active as they could be. My one SIL did have reduction surgery a few years ago and after that started exercising regularly but she still eats too much so she never loses any weight.
Okay, our oldest daughter is built just like H's two sisters and right now she's 10 and weighs 74 pounds...she's not overweight per se but the potential is there (oh she's also short for her age). I really watch what she eats...how much she eats...because she will fill her plate again and again if I don't watch her. I encourage her to eat more fruits and vegetables and less meat, but she could eat an entire steak herself if I would let her. But most of the time I just have to say to her...Okay, you've had enough take a break from eating and see if you FEEL full. See, this is how my H's sisters are too...they will eat and eat and eat just because the food is there and then they lay around complaining how they ate TOO MUCH after the fourth plate full!!!
Now our other two daughter's are skinny as rails at the ages of 7 and 4, but our 10 year old has always been 'thicker' built. So, I do emphathize with your concern for your daughter. I always keep healthy snacks in the house, there is always fresh fruit in the fridge and I try to keep various melons cut-up and at the ready...same for vege's like cauliflower and carrots. My kids will all eat fresh fruits/veges so that's half the battle right there. And I just do not keep high calorie sugary snacks or chips in the house. If they are really hungry (between meals) they make a sandwich and have fruit with it. I also always have yogurt on hand too and I will make sugar-free jello on occasion but I try to discourage sweet snacks like that as much as possible.
Now, don't think I never let them have candy or dessert or pop. They get to have those things as a treat when we go out or go somewhere like a ball game. My 'plan' is during the week dessert is always fruit either fresh fruit or a cobbler type that I've made myself so I know what's in it. Then if we do go somewhere on the weekend and we're around other kids who are having ice cream or drinking pop...I let my kids have it too because they don't eat that kind of crap everyday.
And actually, this is how I was raised. My mother never kept junk food in the house. We always ate things that were healthy...she was a farm wife cooking with basic ingredients and we didn't eat cake and donuts and cookies every day after school either. And we never had pop except for special occasion's mainly because my mother was forward thinking enough back in the fifties/sixties to know that pop would rot our teeth and she was ever concerned about all of us having nice teeth as adults! I don't even let my kids drink Kool-Aid. I hate that stuff yet what is served at every birthday party your kids go to but Kool Aid?!!! At least in the USA that is a party staple. The parent might as well just spoon sugar over the top of the birthday cake and ice cream too.
Anyways...I'm getting off of my sugar soap box now...like I've said, I always have healthy snacks at the ready for my kids and I watch how much my oldest is eating. I try not to make a big deal out of it so it doesn't make her feel singled out. She knows she can have seconds of vegetable so that is usually what she asks for because when we do have a meat dish I put a portion on their plates and that is how much they can have. Now my other three kids are not big meat eaters so this isn't an issue with them, they always leave food on their plates, but my 10 year old will usually ask for seconds of steak because that is her favorite. I'm kind of going on the theory that if you overeat all the time you lose that sense of feeling full. And I know my MIL and two SIL's could eat a house if they set their minds to it so maybe that is genetic as well...some brain chemical imbalance that doesn't signal when the stomach is full.
And of course I keep my daughter as active as possible. She plays softball in the summer and volleyball during school and she does tumbling. She didn't do basketball this year because she is one of the shortest girls and she cannot make a basket at regulation height so she's just discouraged at this point. I'm hoping by next year she'll have grown some (my two SIL's are both very short women!) because basketball is a very physical sport and I would like to see her play. But she also has her pony to take care of every day and I don't let her use a saddle very often so she has to jump on and off all the time plus use her legs more just to stay on.
So just be as subtle as you can about watching what she eats/how much she eats and keep her active. My daughter realizes she isn't as thin as some of the girls in her class who wear the belly shirts and really short shorts. I try to discourage the skinny-minny thinking that many of these young girls have in their minds of how their bodies should look. Rather I encourage her to be as healthy as she can be and that good nutrition will keep her healthier not trying to be model thin because it's unrealistic for ANYONE. And I try to be a role model for her by not talking about my own body...what I WISH I could change or what I wish I could wear. My own mother never talked about self-image and I think that's why myself and my sister's never felt we weren't thin enough or that we had to be skinny to be liked. Some mother's are so obsessed with their bodies that that's all they talk about and their daughter's pick up on that mentality and then feel they too aren't thin enough or their butts are too big, their boobs too small, etc. etc.
So, we love our kids for who they are just as we love ourselves for who we are. And our job as parents is to educate our kids on how to live a healthy lifestyle and the best way to do that is to be that role model for them.
