Child psychologists or anyone with an educated opinion...

[dss62467]

I mentioned this is my Splitsville post, but I don't know how to handle this current situation.

My husband has developed this habit of going out (not very often) and not saying anything about it. He doesn't tell my daughter or me that he's planning to go out and he doesn't say anything when he leaves. He just...disappears. I know it's intended to get a rise out of me, so I ignore it because I actually like having him out of the house and I don't play these childish games.

What bothers me about it is that he doesn't say anything to our daughter about it. He doesn't tell her he's going out or say goodbye to her. She doesn't have his cell phone number to call him. When I go out, I tell both of them I'm going and where I'll be and about when I'll be home. My daughter has my cell number and calls me frequently throughout the evening.

Last night he did this again. He came home from work, changed and then...disappeared. Neither of us even realized he went anywhere for about a half hour. I thought he was just outside. Then she started asking me where he was, and I couldn't say anything other than "I don't know."

So what I want to know is...should I say something to him about it? I don't want him to think it bothers me that he doesn't tell me he's going, but I do want him to have some consideration for our daughter. She won't say anything to him about it.

 

[Reese777]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It is really immature of your husband to do this to both of you, but it's obvious he's trying to hurt you or make you wonder if he's out with women or something. It's a childish attempt to make you jealous or to retaliate against you for the decision you've made. Chances are, you aren't going to get anywhere with him, so you're better off saying something to your daughter. Tell her that it's wrong of him to do this but that he's hurting because of the way things are and this is the only way he can handle it. That's my two cents anyway. I wouldn't want to say something to him and have him misinterpret your concern over your daughter as being concern for him with regard to your relationship. He's moving out this weekend, right? Pretty soon you won't have to worry about it.

 

[mommacody]

i agree that this is a childish way for him to attempt to get a rise out of you. i'm not sure what i would or wouldn't do. it would be nice to think you could just tell him that she asked for him, and if he's going anywhere to please at least tell HER that he's going.

on the other hand, did it bother her when you said you didn't know? if he's going to disappear when you are around with her and she's accepting the fact that you don't know where he is, i'd let it go.

 

[dss62467]

Well, I took the advice of another friend of mine. He said to simply email him "A kiss on the head and “daddy loves you” goes a long way". That was after he called him a "walking pen*s". ha ha

I added to the kiss on the head thing that he should make sure to say goodbye to Teri before he goes out so she isn't wondering where he is all night.

He emailed me back that he did do that and that I was standing right there. Yes, I was standing there when he went out, but I didn't see him even go near her when he left, and he didn't say anything loud enough for either of us to hear him. I also told him he needs to make sure she has his cell phone number so she can call him whenever, and he said he will make a point of letting her know when he's going out and that she can call him anytime.

I'm not concerned that she accepts that I don't know where he is. I just don't want her feeling abandoned. She should know where he is. She always knows where I am.