jennifercareer
Active Member
Hi everyone. I wrote a forum back in Dec about getting back in shape after the birth of my baby. I think I have to throw out all the great advice I was given and start from scratch again.
I gave birth to Emma Lydia on 1-6-09. Unfortunately, she ended up being taken via emergency c-section because her heart rate dropped to 60 bpm, 3 times within a few minutes. Then something went wrong with my epidural. I seriously feel like I had the worst labor and delivery experience. It's nothing like I thought it would be and I'm having a difficult time dealing with this. My husband doesn't really understand. I can't blame him. He's not a woman and he just doesn't know what it's like. First, I'm disappointed that I didn't have a natural delivery. I had such high hopes for a special, magical delivery that left me bonding and breastfeeding Emma w/in minutes after her birth. Second, the problems with my epidural left me in the hospital for 1 week and unable to see my baby for the 1st two days so she ended up being bottle fed and given a pacifier. Now I can't get her to breastfeed. So I feel like a complete failure as a mother. I really feel like I let her down by not being being there for her right after her birth. Instead I spent it in the recovery room hooked up to a ventilator because my left lung collapsed and filled with fluid when they intubated me. They had to intubate me because the epidural went up my body and took over my lungs and I couldn't breath. I ended up with pneumonia. I was on bed rest for 2 days. When I was able to get up, I passed out 2 days in a row. Once while eating breakfast and once in the shower. I ran a high fever of 104 for 3 days. I suffered SEVERE numbness in my legs, feet butt and mid-section. I almost couldn't walk because I couldn't feel the muscles in my legs. I was sent home from the hospital with a catheter in because I was unable to urinate on my own. I had to wear it for 3 wks. They think the epidural numbed my bladder. I still have problems holding my own bowel movements, resulting in my going in my pants several times. Again, the epidural affected so many internal organs and my muscles became week. I even had to have a tub bench that I could sit on in the shower at home because I couldn't stand long enough to shower. I was that weak.
Well, it's been 1 month now. I'm not wearing the catheter, I have no more fevers, I can shower without the bench and my lungs are fine. A lot of my numbess from the epidural has subsided, but I'm still suffering from lingering numbess around my mid section, which scares me. My "private" areas are still numb and I feel like my husband and I will never have a sex life again because I can't feel anything there yet. And on top of it all, I'm 30 lbs heavier than before I got pregnant. I only fit into maternity clothes, sweatpants and old t-shirts. I feel like such a slob. I tried lifting 5 lbs weights to get some strength back in my arms and then I ended up getting phlebitis (?) where I had an IV site. My veins are swollen and sore in my right hand and now I can't even lift my weights.
Bottom line is I'm feeling pretty depressed. Even though Emma has bounced back and is doing wonderful! She's tougher than I am. I hate to sound shallow, but I think my weight is bother more than anything. I had planned on excersing 2 wks pp but it's already been a month and I'm hardly strong enough yet to walk on the treadmill safely without tripping. I can't even walk fast. I just started going up and down my steps a wk ago. I want to excersise so bad it's killing me. I don't fit into ANYTHING I own. I go back to work in a month and I'm going to have to invest money in a new wardrobe. That's really depressing.
Wow! It felt good to let all that out. Like I said, my husband doesn't understand all my disappointment and I just feel like I don't have anyone to to talk to about this. Inside, I'm really struggling.
I gave birth to Emma Lydia on 1-6-09. Unfortunately, she ended up being taken via emergency c-section because her heart rate dropped to 60 bpm, 3 times within a few minutes. Then something went wrong with my epidural. I seriously feel like I had the worst labor and delivery experience. It's nothing like I thought it would be and I'm having a difficult time dealing with this. My husband doesn't really understand. I can't blame him. He's not a woman and he just doesn't know what it's like. First, I'm disappointed that I didn't have a natural delivery. I had such high hopes for a special, magical delivery that left me bonding and breastfeeding Emma w/in minutes after her birth. Second, the problems with my epidural left me in the hospital for 1 week and unable to see my baby for the 1st two days so she ended up being bottle fed and given a pacifier. Now I can't get her to breastfeed. So I feel like a complete failure as a mother. I really feel like I let her down by not being being there for her right after her birth. Instead I spent it in the recovery room hooked up to a ventilator because my left lung collapsed and filled with fluid when they intubated me. They had to intubate me because the epidural went up my body and took over my lungs and I couldn't breath. I ended up with pneumonia. I was on bed rest for 2 days. When I was able to get up, I passed out 2 days in a row. Once while eating breakfast and once in the shower. I ran a high fever of 104 for 3 days. I suffered SEVERE numbness in my legs, feet butt and mid-section. I almost couldn't walk because I couldn't feel the muscles in my legs. I was sent home from the hospital with a catheter in because I was unable to urinate on my own. I had to wear it for 3 wks. They think the epidural numbed my bladder. I still have problems holding my own bowel movements, resulting in my going in my pants several times. Again, the epidural affected so many internal organs and my muscles became week. I even had to have a tub bench that I could sit on in the shower at home because I couldn't stand long enough to shower. I was that weak.
Well, it's been 1 month now. I'm not wearing the catheter, I have no more fevers, I can shower without the bench and my lungs are fine. A lot of my numbess from the epidural has subsided, but I'm still suffering from lingering numbess around my mid section, which scares me. My "private" areas are still numb and I feel like my husband and I will never have a sex life again because I can't feel anything there yet. And on top of it all, I'm 30 lbs heavier than before I got pregnant. I only fit into maternity clothes, sweatpants and old t-shirts. I feel like such a slob. I tried lifting 5 lbs weights to get some strength back in my arms and then I ended up getting phlebitis (?) where I had an IV site. My veins are swollen and sore in my right hand and now I can't even lift my weights.
Bottom line is I'm feeling pretty depressed. Even though Emma has bounced back and is doing wonderful! She's tougher than I am. I hate to sound shallow, but I think my weight is bother more than anything. I had planned on excersing 2 wks pp but it's already been a month and I'm hardly strong enough yet to walk on the treadmill safely without tripping. I can't even walk fast. I just started going up and down my steps a wk ago. I want to excersise so bad it's killing me. I don't fit into ANYTHING I own. I go back to work in a month and I'm going to have to invest money in a new wardrobe. That's really depressing.
Wow! It felt good to let all that out. Like I said, my husband doesn't understand all my disappointment and I just feel like I don't have anyone to to talk to about this. Inside, I'm really struggling.
