Business Situation Question

[fawn001]

A very high ranking person came to visit our office. A little while after he got there he came to my desk to say hello. We shook hands and exchanged pleasantries (I have met him twice before). A little while later he came over and asked me to print something for him. Then we ended up talking in the hall with other coworkers.

Then the group retreated into the conference room for a meeting. There were eight of us, including the high ranking person. He was talking and used the word "hell". He looked at me and appologized for his language.

Later we all walked to a restaurant for lunch together. We had to cross a busy street. We also walked over a steep hill and I was worried about falling in my pointy toed pumps. It was a short walk. After lunch, we walked back to the office. When approaching the steep hill again, the high ranking person offered his arm. I was grateful, said thank you, and took it.

Later I started thinking about it and wondered if I should have refused his arm. I wondered what kind of impression that must have made on the rest of the group? Was it appropriate for me to take the arm of such a high ranking person? And why would he offer if it was inappropriate?

 

[Janis]

Fear not.

His actions were that of a gentleman. Your response was that of a gentle-woman. No improprieties occurred.

 

[morningstar]

If you felt comfortable taking his arm, then it was fine to thank him and take the support. If you were uncomfortable with him doing that, you would have been doing the right thing by finding a way to politely refuse.

Given your description, it seems to me that he is a traditional gentleman treating you as a traditional gentlewoman. Some women find this offensive or that somehow this disempowers them. To me, feminism isn't about refusing gallantry, it is about having the freedom to make choices that empower you in whatever ways are important to you.

If, however, you felt that he was somehow making advances to you that you felt were inappropriate, but could not refuse because of his high ranking position, that would be disempowering and a concern on many levels, but that would not necessarily be his fault for making the offer. It can be very hard these days for men and women to know what is appropriate behaviour between the sexes; are men "supposed" to treat women like "ladies" in the home and the workplace? Is it safer for men to just treat women like they would other men? Will gestures of respect and gallantry be taken the wrong way? If you think about it, the simple act of a man offering his arm to a woman in high heels crossing a street could be considered an act of bravery and even rebellion.

Perhaps I am misunderstanding your concern. Are you afraid your co-workers would be jealous that this VIP paid attention to you specifically? Or that the two of you were having some sort of flirtation? Or is it something else?

 

[melimcn]

It sounds to me like he was behaving like a professional gentleman. A little conservative, perhaps (depending on your line of work), but not out of line at any rate.
I wouldn't worry about it or how it "looked" to anyone. From the way you describe it, no one behaved in a way that was inappropriate.

 

[martijean1]

I wholeheartedly agree....He was acting like a gentleman, which many women aren't used to anymore! No harm, no foul.

MJ in MN

 

[NRG Woman]

My first semester of college (I was 18) I took Women's Studies since I have always been on the feminist side. When we got our mid-quarter grades I had received an F. It was because much of the first month-or-so was devoted to how it is sexist (and repressive) for a man to open a door for a woman. I refused to comply with their demand that I agree with them so I was receiving an F. To this day (22 years later) I still don't think it is sexist for a man to open a door for a woman. If I get to the door first I often open it for the man. Now, men who are older than me 50s+ have a hard time with this and often won't go in before me, but men my age and younger will go in before me. Does this mean I am being sexist? Really I think it is just a matter of courtesy.

It sounds to me like this high ranking individual had the gift of manners, which is too rarely found today.

Shayne

 

[Jane A]

Taking his arm was absolutely appropriate, especially if you accepted it with confidence and grace.

What would have bugged me, though, was the apology for saying the word "hell". From your description, it sounds as though the apology was directed solely at you -- were you the only woman? Even if it bugged you, it would be tough to come up with a polite response. I supposed I would have just shrugged my shoulders.