Being Single

P

Pollytc

Cathlete
Hello there. I was just wondering, for those of you who are single out there, where exactly can you/do you meet decent men anymore? I'm 37 and have been divorced for four years. I have met guys through friends, from bars, and even online. I find that I don't like online dating at all. It seems more of a meatmarket than most bars. On my online profile I post my picture, and when a guy reads that I wrote I'm a few pounds overweight in the description, they will say "you are beautiful, love the smile, eyes, etc. but how much do you weigh" which I find offensive even if I were on the thin side. What has your experiences been with dating? Especially after being with somebody for over 17 years?

I'm anxious to hear what everybody has to say!!!

Kim
 
I think church is a great place to meet men. I would go to one of the larger churches, they will have the largest selection (tee hee).
Anyway, I also think you should pray. Tell God that you are ready for a man in your life and ask him to bring him to you. Ask and you shall receive.



Madonna
 
Heres what I think. And I mean no offence to anyone (honestly). If you want a guy, you really have a choice. Find one. Pray for one. Go out and look for one. Wait for one to come to you. On line dating. Dating agency. Advert in paper. I think that it is extremely offensive for people to ask you for your weight. Sure they may want to get an impression of you, but weight is a sensitive issue, and reflects only a tiny part (no pun) of a person’s entirety. As for praying, sure if it helps, but … pray for help, but swim for shore. I thought God helps those that help themselves.
 
I have been married 14 years but here's my 2 cents:
Why not take a class at your local college? You may meet someone there and you would have something in common right away, that being the subject matter of the class.
What about a reading/book club?
I think health clubs are another way to meet people. Heck I am married but I get the occasional female who strikes up conversation with me out of the clear blue. Not all guys at health clubs are muscle-jerk types. And I think if you took a class, like spin for instance, you might find that some of the nicer people who attend health clubs take classes. The club I go to actually has singles getaways, like ski trips, cruises, etc.
Online dating is a decent way to meet guys I suppose but I think you pretty much have to expect questions about weight, etc. These questions are a way of getting the info that the person would get by observing you and talking to you if they were seeing you in a normal context. It takes the place of the normal dating situation and people who do that kind of dating are looking to weed out quickly the people they don't want to take the time to get to know. Thus the questions. It's a lazy way of dating in my view.
I would think most guys who attend church are married, although I could be wrong. It was like that in the church I grew up in. Most of the people were married at that one. Of course, I gave up on church a long time ago because I never got anything from it. I believe in God I guess, but I do it in my own way. Here I go, off on another tangent again! :) Also you can pray until the cows come home, but nothing is going to happen unless you take matters into your own hands.
Good luck!
Trevor
:)
 
Hi, Kim! Another married person weighing in here -

I do think meeting someone who is not only decent but compatible is very challenging; I think the suggestions about meeting new people through church, outside-interest classes, and volunteering for a cause you believe in are all routes vastly preferable to the bar and online scene. I think the best way to meet new people is through valued friends whose social judgment you trust.

As a person who works in the field of domestic violence crime prosecution, I'll be your slightly paranoid Big Sis for a moment: if you connect with people about whom you know very little, I think it's a good, safe, cautious approach to do a little bit of background checking through public records to determine whether or not this person has a savory past. I worked on a case earlier this year in which a woman was assaulted quite badly from a man whose ad she answered in the personals in a local entertainment weekly. She had only known him for about two months when he assaulted her. When I reviewed this man's history (in only one county) he had over 15 domestic violence related charges and several convictions on his record, including a felony conviction for third degree assault on a previous girlfriend. The woman I spoke with had no clue.

With the world increasingly mobile AND interconnected at the same time, it's very easy for a well-intentioned person to connect with a real scumbag who presents a very pleasant, ordinary face to the world. Whatever routes you choose to take, please be careful.

A-Jock
 
Kim,
Okay, here's my opinion: A really great guy will never ask about your weight, so when they ask it's a great way to weed out the duds! As long as you post a picture, there should be no great surprises. I love Trevor's ideas and think you should follow them. But I encourage you not to give up on online dating because you can rarely meet as many guys in your daily life as you can online. 7 years ago (when I met my husband online), I was able to meet as many guys in one week as I would normally meet in a year! You just can't beat those numbers.

Don't be offended, just be relieved. There are so many telling signs that a guy is a jerk, and you will learn them quickly, and can just move on by a click of the mouse, instead of wasting a whole evening meeting the clod! :) Sooner or later, you will meet your soul mate. Hey, it happened to me!!

Lots of luck,
Nancy
 
I met my (first) husband at about your age. We met at the first race of a 16-race series. You can tell a lot about people at the races--who shows good or bad sportsmanship, who the type A personalities are, who is there just to have a good time, who tries to get better & how they go about learning new skills, how they treat other people (especially those competing against them & the event's volunteers), etc. And if you travel to races, you may get to spend a few hours together in the car, so you get to see your conversational compatibility. Another option to add to Trevor's list of great ideas.
juliee
 
I'm not single, but I would avoid any guy who asks your weight. I think that's offensive no matter what you weigh. (I know girls who've married guys like that... one of them expected his wife to be back in size 3 a week after giving birth to her second child. He called her "fat" many times.)

My 43-year-old coworker is dating a man she met at church about five years ago. She was in another relationship when they met, then was single, then they got together. Another man she dated was in her high school alumni group. She had been in a relationship for seven years before dating these guys.

I met my first boyfriend on a trip and my second boyfriend (now my husband of 9 years) at work.

Is it possible for you to take college classes in subjects that interest you? That might be a good way to meet like-minded men and have fun even if you don't meet anyone. (Night courses would probably be better.)

I'm an advocate of the take it slow and be friends first approach. I'm not comfortable going on a date with a stranger or someone I barely know. I'm the sort of woman who becomes more appealing the longer a guy knows me-- I'm not saying that arrogantly... it's just that I'm rather ordinary looking and have always been a couple pounds overweight. A guy who doesn't know me would be more focused on the shortcomings in my looks, rather than the positive side of my personality.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top