Baby shower question

[bestoutwest]

I don't have children, so I have no idea what's customary with baby showers. Is it appropriate to have a shower for each baby? I always thought there was a shower with the first baby only, because new parents don't have any baby stuff. So now are we supposed to buy elaborate gifts for every new baby in the family? I just received an invitation to a baby shower for the 2nd baby in the familly. Wondering what I'm supposed to do??!?!?!?

 

[Miss Lee]

I don't know what most families do but my family never has baby showers. My mom and my aunts got together and decided years ago that, because of the size of our family, no one would have a baby shower, but engaged nieces and nephews would each get a family hosted bridal shower. I feel for you. Personally I agree with you--it doesn't seem right to have a second baby shower.

 

[sparrow]

No, the traditional thing to do is have ONE shower for the first, unless there is a large number of years between the first and second child, or if it's a blended family situation. Nowadays people are so "gift grabby" that second and even third baby showers are becoming more and more common. I think it's so common now that many people don't even realize that it's supposed to be just one.

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage

 

[Prickly Pear]

There seem to be alot more people that wait longer to have their second child. So I think that it is getting more common to see baby showers for second and third children, because the families have given their stuff away to other expectant parents. Not sure it is right just seems to be the trend.
Maybe don't go all out on a second gift, just something simple and inexpensive.

 

[lindzebird]

I had a boy first, had two showers (one from each side of the family), then a couple years later we had a girl and my friends did throw another shower for me (we are away from family who just sent a few gifts). From my point of view if the gender will be different for the second child it seems reasonable to have another shower (although scaled down). My husband is a medical student and we have a very limited budget so it really was a blessing to receive that help. I am pregnant again, another girl, and I do not expect to have another shower, nor would I think it would be appropriate. When I have a shower to go to I ususally just buy a board book and pjs or something similar. I don't think it's necessary or appropriate to have another shower if the gender will be the same or to buy elaborate gifts.

Most of the time the shower is thrown by a friend or loved one and I wouldn't ever dream of having one for myself JUST for the gifts. Nor would I ever consider anyone having a shower "gift grabby" because I think that most people just want to celebrate the new life and help the family.

Lindzebird

 

[cricardo]

I've also been under the impression that baby showers are only given for the first child. I have heard of people having a shower if their second baby is a different sex from the first, but I think in general this is pretty rare.
My boss had her third baby nearly a year ago (none of us worked for her when she had the first two) and we threw her a small shower, just our lab and some of her close friends in our department. We basically had a pot luck lunch for her. She made us swear not to buy her baby gifts, so we didn't. Instead, we got her things she could use: certificates for a local spa, 'coupons' for free babysitting, a gift cerficate for her and her husband to go out to a nice dinner. She loved it!

cristina

 

[Sunshine 1528]

Wow - I know us folks in CA are of a different breed, but we do baby showers for every baby.

What if the first is a boy and the second is a girl or vice versa?

I know I have a hard time not buying out the entire store - I really like babies.

If you don't get actual gifts, as mentioned above, gift cards or certificates are great - there are always things needed for a new child.

 

[gidget1978]

I thought you only had a shower for the first baby as well but as the yrs roll by..it seems like more and more people are having them for every child. I have a friend who is on her 3rd child, well off and I bet you any money she will have another shower.As if she needs the help buying stuff.
Anyway, don't buy anything to fancy. Just keep in simple, some sleepers and face clothes...something that will be used no doubt.
Lori

 

[marnold]

Wow Sparrow and I are on the same wave length....I am so tired of our gift hungry society. Being raised by very gracious and polite people, I know that tradition dictates that there is ONE baby shower...not one for every child. My lovely SIL has started her own tradition...one for each. Irritating.

 

[MSJ]

We have six children and have had showers of varying sizes for 4 of them BUT--I DID NOT ASK FOR ANY OF THEM, in fact I tried to stop all but the first, but was overridden. It's hard to say no, when people really want to do something for you because they care for you. I refused to have a registry, because it felt like I was asking for stuff and I wasn't. I also refused to provide a guest list (except with the first) because I did not want people to feel expected to come.

#1 was arranged by my MIL, because it was her first grandchild.

#2 was arranged by some ladies in a church we were going to.

#3 was arranged by some ladies in a bible study I was attending (it was very small)

#4 was arranged by some ladies in another bible study, because this child was born with down syndrome and had spent a month in NICU. They really wanted to do this for us. It was huge--like 60 women from our church in attendance.

Finally, with #5 I really put my foot down. I mean it was ridiculous. Someone actually wanted to do another one. I let her do lunch for me and some close friends, but insisted on no gifts.

And for #6, I just said no lunch either. I just did not have the time.

Anyway, all this to say, that I think protocol is just for one and that is all I really expected. Maybe she doesn't expect it either. Maybe someone is doing this for her, so...

If you are not close to her, just ignore the summons or send a nice card. Otherwise just get something simple like a package of diapers or hey how about this--a Cathe dvd for mom to get back into shape post partum (although, that's not exactly cheap)

Okay, rambling.....

Maggie

 

[Runcrazy]

Then there's this: a gal in our office had two girls. We gave her a shower for the first. The girls are now 7 and 4. She had just gotten rid of all baby things (including crib), husband had vasectomy and within a week of him getting his vasectomy, she found out she was 6 weeks pregnant. Then as time went by she found out she was having a boy. So voila! Another shower as she had to start over!

Jo

 

[acatalina]

Well, my opinion on showers.
A shower is for the 1st baby to help a new couple out with all the expense and so they can worry about mother and baby.

If you decide not to have any more children and get rid of everything, and oops. This is call for shower 2.

If you are remarried and the new family wants to have a shower.

My daughters GF is on her 2nd girl in 4 years, and had another shower. I will buy a gift for the new baby when she comes, but she should have everything.She stopped in at the Salon the other day. I know she was looking for her gift.She didn't even send out a Thank you for her wedding.She doesn't appreciate anything. Expects it.

I say , babies are wonderful.But, you should not have all these kids if you can't afford them. The financial burden should not be on everyone else .
Anne

 

[elaineee7]

Amen!!!