"Are Men Really Necessary?"

andtckrtoo

andtckrtoo

Cathlete
Okay, now that I have your attention... }(

I haven't read this book (the one by Maureen Dowd), but I have read several reviews on this - by men and by women - and have seen her interviewed. She uses herself as an example to state that men don't like smart career women and that's why she's not married (even though she dated a lot of Hollywood). I don't know. I consider myself smart, I have a good paying job, and I'm certainly not Sally Homemaker, but I certainly managed to "land a man." (said sarcastically). And dated several really good ones. I wanted to know what you ladies thought. This is an intelligent group. Do you think your intelligence stands in the way of a relationship with a man?
 
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We would like to think we are. Contrary to popular belief, most men like intelligent women. My wife is very smart. She also happens to be very attractive. She makes me laugh and I love it when she loves with me.

Thomas
DH of Georgia Peach Fit
 
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Well, I'm a degreed engineer, graduated at the top of my class, and managed to find and marry a wonderful man. So maybe it isn't that men don't like smart career women, but rather, men don't like Maureen Dowd. :p
 
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I think that my husband doesn't appreciate me or admire me for what I would like to be appreciated or admired. He insists in treating me like a little kid. I don't need his admiration but I would like more respect from his part.

Eddited to add: I think it depends on the kind of man you marry.
 
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Personally, I think that stupid men don't like smart and successful women and feel intimidated. A real man doesn't care how much more money you make or what you do, he just loves you.

Missy
 
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I agree with Thomas (and the rest of you) that a smart secure man, likes a smart secure woman. Thanks Thomas, for responding - I like your security and sense of self. I work with a couple of men who like their trophy wives, but they are the exception. Heck, some women like their boy toys. To each his/her own.

I've also met a lot of older men who admit that they married their wives for their looks, and were pleasantly surprised to find a good brain under those perfect locks. And now that they've aged, even though their wives are still beautiful, they appreciate the brains more than the looks.

I think the title just ticked me off more than anything. I consider myself an advocate of equal rights, and I believe that a woman can do anything a man can do (except kill those really big spiders!), but to even think of a world without men, or where men were relegated to the status of the family dog (something cute to have around and handy when you're randy) is just an insult to smart, educated women everywhere. Not to mention the men they love and who love them.
 
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I'm not a big Dowd fan. I will be the first to admit that I married up, but she is really smart and wins most of the arguments (still don't know how that happens;)
 
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Well I would hope that a man would want his wife to be intelligent regardless of her career path. This woman's comments are insulting not only to men and "career" women but also to those who chose to be homemakers. The implication is that homemakers are substandard in such a way as to be less threatening to the male ego. I've been a career woman and now I'm a homemaker (sort of) and I don't think one requires more intelligence, drive or dedication than the other.

Sparrow

__________________
www.scifichics.com
 
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Going against the grain here, apparently, but I think that there may be *some* truth to *part& of this. I have met many men (intelligent ones too!) that are certainly intimidated by an intelligent, strong career woman, especially when he first meets her. Let's face it, there are some guys that just cannot deal with their gal being very powerful, having a ton of commitments outisde the home, working every day in certain fields, making more money than him, etc.

All of that being said, I think that it is a rather strange thing to say that you are beyond the realm of marriage b/c you are such a n intelligent, career woman that you scare men away (which is what you seem to say is the premise of this gal's book)!
 
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Sparrow - you're right. Some of the most intelligent well-rounded women I know are homemakers, and there is nothing "less" about them in any way. I wish I could work less and do more with our home right now, but with a kid in college, and two on their way, I have to work.

Dowd made the comment that she was surprised that she's gotten more negative feedback from women than from men. I'm not. Like you said, she's insulting us.
 
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Interesting topic, Christine. I read the article in the NY Times magazine and found myself relating to a lot of what Maureen has experienced in terms of how younger women are taking for granted all that we feminist warhorses fought for. It seems like the tide just needs to keep turning because no generation wants to be like the one before.

Regarding your question, I do believe there are a lot of men who are threatened by women who are smart and successful. In 1996 I first went on AOL and was approached constantly by men in chat rooms until I added to my profile that I was an attorney. Suddenly, very few men were approaching me. I kept the attorney description in my profile as a way to weed out the men I wasn't interested in. There were a few, however, that were attracted to the idea of my being an attorney, and my husband was one of them. Guys like my husband are definitely not a dime a dozen, but they are out there and they're worth all the searching you have to do to find them! :)

-Nancy
 
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Oh I certainly see what both you and Christine are saying in that there are men who are certainly intimidated by a powerful career woman. I agree with that. I dated a lot of good men, but there were many who I just scared the pants off, and I'm not even an attorney - just a successful sales woman.

I was wondering, though, about the younger women nowadays. I remember when every woman wanted a career, and to have 2.3 kids, the perfect house... I remember we also determined that it's really tough to do all that and still have a life. Are the younger women reverting back to the old ways, or is there more of an equilibrium coming into play? Most of the stay at home moms I know were career women but knowing the demands of a career and the demands of a family, chose to be SAHM's until their kids are in school. They are getting very creative with what they want to accomplish. They want it all, they just don't want it all, all the time. Maybe I just have weird friends, though, and this is not the trend that you're seeing.
 
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>Well, I'm a degreed engineer, graduated at the top of my
>class, and managed to find and marry a wonderful man. So
>maybe it isn't that men don't like smart career women, but
>rather, men don't like Maureen Dowd. :p

LOL!! I wholeheartedly agree with Emily.
 
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Having read a good deal of Mauren Dowd and having seen her on interviews, I'm not at all surprised that she has had trouble finding a man. Actually, I'm not all that certain of her "intelligence". I know many brilliant women who opted to stay home and raise their children. You know what?--they also have well adjusted and brilliant children.

Michele
 
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I wasn't going to join in this discussion but I read this:

>Most of the stay at
>home moms I know were career women but knowing the demands of
>a career and the demands of a family, chose to be SAHM's until
>their kids are in school. They are getting very creative with
>what they want to accomplish. They want it all, they just
>don't want it all, all the time.

Just want to tell you, Christine, that this description fits me to a T. I have a special needs boy and I can't, in my heart, be career-oriented at this time. And you know what? What I used to do, which I absolutely loved, doesn't hold a candle to what I want for my boy. Yes, I do want it all, but not at the expense of my child. I know my choice has consequences, and I'm willing to take those consequences by the horns and dance with them. I already am.

As for men not wanting to marry smart women... I've met a lot of smart women in my struggle to make life good for my kid. Most of them are either married or are in a committed relationship, so I don't get what this author is talking about. I think what Emily posted is right.:p

Pinky
 
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Agree.. that whole concept was so 90s is, with career woman thinking they were superior to stay at home Mom's.

Sadly I was of the generation when woman felt they had to do it all, great career, great Mom, great wife. It's nice to see woman making the decision that is right for them and SAHM NOT feeling less of a person for their choice.

Funny she is so intelligent but can't see her intelligence is NOT the issue!
 
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Pinky,

If you ever write a book, and I think you could and should, I'm first in line to buy a copy--autographed, please! You have talent.

Michele
 
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