are all men hard to communicate with
- Thread starter darine
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BeethovenRocks
Cathlete
"are all men hard to communicate with?"
Yes. 'Nuff said. x(
Yes. 'Nuff said. x(
darine
Cathlete
ok
because sometimes i feel i should leave him because he is so hard to talk to
but then i love him and he had done very nice things to me and i think may be they are all like that and just have to accept it.
so not a reason to leave? i love him very much but it hurts when i feel he does not do his max to please me
because sometimes i feel i should leave him because he is so hard to talk to
but then i love him and he had done very nice things to me and i think may be they are all like that and just have to accept it.
so not a reason to leave? i love him very much but it hurts when i feel he does not do his max to please me
Wait. Is this your husband, boyfriend, what? Forgive me if I don't know the background.
Yes, it is nice for a sig other to want to please you (man or woman) but I don't know that I'd generalize it to say "shouldn't he want to?" Sounds like it is his job or something. It should just come naturally for both of you, both at spontaneous and planned times.
No, not all men are like this. I gather a lot of women ARE like this, though. Communication skills are not specific to gender or anything else.
Debbie
Brain cells come & brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Yes, it is nice for a sig other to want to please you (man or woman) but I don't know that I'd generalize it to say "shouldn't he want to?" Sounds like it is his job or something. It should just come naturally for both of you, both at spontaneous and planned times.
No, not all men are like this. I gather a lot of women ARE like this, though. Communication skills are not specific to gender or anything else.
Debbie
Brain cells come & brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
darine
Cathlete
8 year bf, getting married soon
may be i demand it. that's what he says
sometimes i feel when i let go, he gives easier. but it's like i always need more. and i want to let go, but may be i am a controling person....
yeah... i need to let go, he seemes to want more. but i feel for me, if he wants something, i would want to give it. but it's like for him, i have to let him at his speed and i feel impatient
but i do notice than when i let go, he is more giving
relationships are complicated
may be i demand it. that's what he says
sometimes i feel when i let go, he gives easier. but it's like i always need more. and i want to let go, but may be i am a controling person....
yeah... i need to let go, he seemes to want more. but i feel for me, if he wants something, i would want to give it. but it's like for him, i have to let him at his speed and i feel impatient
but i do notice than when i let go, he is more giving
relationships are complicated
pippa
Cathlete
Oh...so were talking about taking you places. My question would be, did he used to take you to these types of places/to do these things?
I went to a lecture one time based on 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.' The lecturer(who was a man) explained that men, by nature, are competitive. If your SO used to do these things than I think this may be a little of what you are experiencing. My, albeit limited, experience is that early on men will take you lots of places and do lots of things for you. In a way they are competeing with themselves to see if they can 'win' you. Once they win, they lose a little of that drive. The thrill of the hunt is over.
If your SO never did these things then I would say maybe he just doesn't think to do stuff like that. I understand how you feel. These are the things you would like and they would be a nice way for him to show that he cares by doing the things you like. I can see how you would want him to do these things without you having to 'ask.' However, men aren't mind readers. If he never has done these things then you probably will always need to 'drop hints'. JMO
I went to a lecture one time based on 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.' The lecturer(who was a man) explained that men, by nature, are competitive. If your SO used to do these things than I think this may be a little of what you are experiencing. My, albeit limited, experience is that early on men will take you lots of places and do lots of things for you. In a way they are competeing with themselves to see if they can 'win' you. Once they win, they lose a little of that drive. The thrill of the hunt is over.
If your SO never did these things then I would say maybe he just doesn't think to do stuff like that. I understand how you feel. These are the things you would like and they would be a nice way for him to show that he cares by doing the things you like. I can see how you would want him to do these things without you having to 'ask.' However, men aren't mind readers. If he never has done these things then you probably will always need to 'drop hints'. JMO
swayzepetsitting
Cathlete
I never ask my fiance to take me places, pay for me, or anything like that. If we both decide to go out somewhere, but one of us does not have the cash, the other will almost always pay for the food. This is not because it is expected of the person with the money to pay, but because we enjoy each other's company and feel that it's worth it to pay . We are involved in each other's lives because we have so much in common (same ideals, same interests, same humor, etc.).
I think if what you like to do involves something your significant other doesn't enjoy doing, maybe you should seek someone else. Or, f you enjoy being pampered, and your lover is not the pampering type, you should definitely find someone else. You can't change him and all of the nagging will just make you, and him, more agitated as time goes on.
I enjoy sex and it is extremely important to me, but I would not spend all of my free time with someone who I did not have things in common with just for good sex. I don't know if this is your situation or not, just throwing it out there.
Oh yes...and relationships do not have to be complicated. I have a great relationship with my fiance, mostly because we are brutally honest with each other. For instance, if I don't want to see him for a while, I will tell him so. It's no big deal.
Oh, and he isn't really my fiance. I would never get married, I just like the way it sounds
I think if what you like to do involves something your significant other doesn't enjoy doing, maybe you should seek someone else. Or, f you enjoy being pampered, and your lover is not the pampering type, you should definitely find someone else. You can't change him and all of the nagging will just make you, and him, more agitated as time goes on.
I enjoy sex and it is extremely important to me, but I would not spend all of my free time with someone who I did not have things in common with just for good sex. I don't know if this is your situation or not, just throwing it out there.
Oh yes...and relationships do not have to be complicated. I have a great relationship with my fiance, mostly because we are brutally honest with each other. For instance, if I don't want to see him for a while, I will tell him so. It's no big deal.
Oh, and he isn't really my fiance. I would never get married, I just like the way it sounds
gettingstrong
Cathlete
If you think he doesn't want to take you out much now - wait until after 20 years of marriage!
It seems to me that when I focus more on giving to DH - doing what he wants, being thoughtful, etc. - then he seems to reciprocate naturally. (This is especially true when I initiate sex frequently...) I don't know what your situation is, but try focusing on making him happy. Men seem to be more giving when they feel appreciated. As for communication, you do need to be pretty clear without being demanding. If there's somewhere you really want to go with him, suggest it in a way of saying "I would love to go to xyz with you" rather than "why don't you ever take me to xyz?" Good luck!
upperwests
Cathlete
I don't think you can generalize. My first husband was very difficult to communicate with. He did not respond well to my "suggestions" (of any nature). My second husband is much more communicative, listens to me and always takes my suggestions under consideration. HOWEVER, sometimes I still want to kill him (LOL). Does he always do what I want? NO WAY!!!! Belive me, I'd much rather spend my weekends at a musuem or a beautiful park, then spending half my life in Home Deopot. Please realize, that marriage does not often make a situation better, it often becomes more "complicated" because your whole future is invested with this other person and life typically becomes challenging. Marriage is work, but it is imperative that your each other's first priority and that your both committed to working on your relationship. If it's just a matter of him not wanting to go to spas, etc. I wouldn't be upset.....I doubt most husbands would do that.
I have only been married for 4.5 years, so take it for what its worth I don't have the experience as these ladies who have been married for 20 years!
My husband adores me, and I am so proud of him I could burst! He is just incredible. He opens doors for me, does what I need done before I ask, and is ALWAYS willing to do anything I ask. We have a mutual respect for each other. I give all I am to him, and he does for me.
I want to please him. I want to make him happy, even if it is at my own expense, and he does the same for me. It's how our marriage works. We take time each night to 'reconnect' and communicate our needs to each other.
I would not be married to someone who did not have the desire to please me. Love is wanting to do good for someone else, without anything in return. Love is a choice, not feelings, and I choose to love my husband. I show him that love by giving all that I have to him. I have no doubt that he loves me just the same way.
I would recommend counseling.
Jessica
I don't have the experience as these ladies who have been married for 20 years!My husband adores me, and I am so proud of him I could burst! He is just incredible. He opens doors for me, does what I need done before I ask, and is ALWAYS willing to do anything I ask. We have a mutual respect for each other. I give all I am to him, and he does for me.
I want to please him. I want to make him happy, even if it is at my own expense, and he does the same for me. It's how our marriage works. We take time each night to 'reconnect' and communicate our needs to each other.
I would not be married to someone who did not have the desire to please me. Love is wanting to do good for someone else, without anything in return. Love is a choice, not feelings, and I choose to love my husband. I show him that love by giving all that I have to him. I have no doubt that he loves me just the same way.
I would recommend counseling.
Jessica
I've been lurking....
DH: "Honey you seem kind of troubled, is something wrong?"
DW: "Oh its nothing" (well we know it's something)
DH: "Dear I was going to watch the game over with the boys."
DW: "well if thats what you really want to do." (there's a hidden price tag on that statement.)
We all have communications issues. Communication is at least a 2 party responsibility. Until an understood exchange of ideas happen, it's not communication.
My wife and I have been married 27 years now, raised 2 teenagers (talk about communications issues). Be clear about what you want or expect, make sure the other party has totally understood what you've expressed.
Communications is a joint success or a joint failure.
just a male perspective
DH: "Honey you seem kind of troubled, is something wrong?"
DW: "Oh its nothing" (well we know it's something)
DH: "Dear I was going to watch the game over with the boys."
DW: "well if thats what you really want to do." (there's a hidden price tag on that statement.)
We all have communications issues. Communication is at least a 2 party responsibility. Until an understood exchange of ideas happen, it's not communication.
My wife and I have been married 27 years now, raised 2 teenagers (talk about communications issues). Be clear about what you want or expect, make sure the other party has totally understood what you've expressed.
Communications is a joint success or a joint failure.
just a male perspective
ldy_solana
Cathlete
>I've been lurking....
>
>DH: "Honey you seem kind of troubled, is something wrong?"
>DW: "Oh its nothing" (well we know it's something)
>
>DH: "Dear I was going to watch the game over with the boys."
>DW: "well if thats what you really want to do." (there's a
>hidden price tag on that statement.)
>
>We all have communications issues. Communication is at least
>a 2 party responsibility. Until an understood exchange of
>ideas happen, it's not communication.
>
>My wife and I have been married 27 years now, raised 2
>teenagers (talk about communications issues). Be clear about
>what you want or expect, make sure the other party has totally
>understood what you've expressed.
>
>Communications is a joint success or a joint failure.
>
>just a male perspective
i agree with above. believe me men think we are just as hard to communicate with as well(fine,nothing, and whatever do not tell them what is wrong,how we feel,or what we think). like dave, dh and i are raising an autistic child. believe me spas,fancy dinners,date nights, and big vacations do not happen for us. we have to rely on the little stuff, and sometimes i have to open my mouth and ask for what i want done. sure it gets to me that he should want to,but its sometiems not that he doesn't want to, its that he has a lot going on and just doesn't think of it,so i have to keep that in mind and let it go. and sometimes he doesn't want to treck into dangerious terriorty of making the first move unless he knows what i want. i can be a tickign time bomb of mood swings and if i don't communicate my mood, he doesn't know what to do or say.
kassia
http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana
"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"
http://images.meez.com/user03/06/01/04/060104_10010099873.gif
>
>DH: "Honey you seem kind of troubled, is something wrong?"
>DW: "Oh its nothing" (well we know it's something)
>
>DH: "Dear I was going to watch the game over with the boys."
>DW: "well if thats what you really want to do." (there's a
>hidden price tag on that statement.)
>
>We all have communications issues. Communication is at least
>a 2 party responsibility. Until an understood exchange of
>ideas happen, it's not communication.
>
>My wife and I have been married 27 years now, raised 2
>teenagers (talk about communications issues). Be clear about
>what you want or expect, make sure the other party has totally
>understood what you've expressed.
>
>Communications is a joint success or a joint failure.
>
>just a male perspective
i agree with above. believe me men think we are just as hard to communicate with as well(fine,nothing, and whatever do not tell them what is wrong,how we feel,or what we think). like dave, dh and i are raising an autistic child. believe me spas,fancy dinners,date nights, and big vacations do not happen for us. we have to rely on the little stuff, and sometimes i have to open my mouth and ask for what i want done. sure it gets to me that he should want to,but its sometiems not that he doesn't want to, its that he has a lot going on and just doesn't think of it,so i have to keep that in mind and let it go. and sometimes he doesn't want to treck into dangerious terriorty of making the first move unless he knows what i want. i can be a tickign time bomb of mood swings and if i don't communicate my mood, he doesn't know what to do or say.
kassia
http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana
"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"
http://images.meez.com/user03/06/01/04/060104_10010099873.gif