Any advice on limiting visitors after baby is born?

C

cyclinggirl

Cathlete
We just moved last weekend and I'm really spent now (I'm 38 weeks). I know that when our baby is born people will want to flock to our home to see the new baby AND the new house. We're having a "Welcome baby"party instead of a shower and I've informed most of our family and friends of this, suggesting that it will happen a few weeks after she's born.

But...I've been told by many mom's that they really wanted more time to be alone in the beginning to bond with their baby, learn to nurse, get familiar with each other and learn routines etc. That's soooo me. I definitely see myself feeling this way too.

So, I'm wondering if any of you mom's have advice on how to keep most would be visitors away for a while (in a nice way). Or how to best limit their visits and time spent popping by. One good thing is that few people know our new address and I have tried not to send it out...yet. ;-) Hah!!

Thanks in advance!

Steph
 
I wanted my privacy for a couple weeks as well with both my babies. I sent an email around requesting that all my friends and family please refrain from coming to the hospital or over to the house for at least two weeks so that I could heal and bond with the baby in peace and quiet. I promised them I would email pictures of the baby, and that we would invite them to the house when I was ready. Everyone was very understanding, but there were a few that didn't think I was serious. I didn't answer the door when they came over!
I also let the machine answer the phone most of the time.

Don't feel guilty about wanting your privacy. The first couple weeks are not easy, but they are certainly very precious. It's good to keep them as relaxed as possible.
 
People still stopped by when you specifically asked them not to? Wow that's incredibly rude. But I can see it happening with my family too LOL.

I'm planning on requesting some privacy and quiet as well, and I'll be letting voice mail do most of the work for me.
 
Steph,
My husband and I are doing the same thing--it's the Chinese seclusion thing. We don't feel at all bad about it. I have reclusive tendency anyhow, so it suits me, and I am very much looking forward to it after playing the workaholic role these past few weeks. We're going to give it about three weeks before we throw open the doors. Of course, it's probably a lot easier for us since we live in Timbuktu, thousands of miles from any family members.

I agree with the other posters about e-mail and voicemail.
Manmohini
 
Unfortunately, I think the determined ones usually just happen to "stop by"...

Luckily we're now at the end of dead end street so it'd be tough to just "be in the area"...no one we know other than my Dad lives in this area. But he's not one I'm worried about, I think he and his wife will give us the space we need. I'm more worried about DH's family and a few of his friends. I think I can manage my friends and co-workers just fine, but his are a little different.

Voice mail and dodging doorbells sounds like a plan if I need it - thanks! :)

I don't subscribe to the tribal guilt thing that some families impose on their members, but it's pretty strong on DH's side. That's why I won't be sending out any requests to them. Seems like when you send out a request via email some people people with no respect for boundaries take it the wrong way, as though you don't want to share your baby/house or whatever with them...ever. In that case, I'm thinking good a old fashioned prayer for peace and quiet will help. :)
 
These responses are great! I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way about trying to carve out our own time. I feel much less selfish about it now, seems normal to me.

Manmohini, 3 weeks seems to be the magic number in my head too -- I'm with you on that. I hope you and your husband get all of it. After working hard on so many fronts (work, move, home, baby
prep, etc) I feel like we deserve it. It's such a precious time and no one can give you back that early first impression time, it really does set the tone for the relationship between you and the baby. I want her to feel peace and joy, lots of mellow and no chaos or family infighting vibes. I'm sure she'll pick up on all of that stuff later!!! ")

Thanks again,
Steph
 
I don't have any children yet...but after reading the posts about people "dropping by"....I thought of a good one that may help. Put a sign on your front door (near the door bell) that says "Shh...mama AND baby are sleeping, see you on x/x/07 (whatever date you have your party planned)!" That way you don't feel bad about opening the door and reconfirm your party plans. Just keep the sign there all the time, maybe with a picture of the baby too....

Good luck!
Jeanette
 
I like that, great idea for non-family. I think his family will ignore it but it's possible that it will shorten their visits if they know we're sending others away. We'll see...

Thanks!
Steph
 
Steph,

I hear ya! I really wanted to be by ourselves also, but unfortunately, in-laws from out of state and my own family were around for the first week, and it was sooooo tiring! I was cranky, my body hurt, and I just wanted to lie down for nap, but low and behold, someone would show up!

I wish I would have thought of it earlier, but I'd tell everyone that your doctor recommended now visitors for ___ days/weeks. I read a nursing book that said you should definitely limit the visitors for the first week or so UNLESS they are ONLY there to help around the house (cook, clean, etc.). It also recommended that you put yourself on bed rest for 3 days once you are home so you and your baby can bond and get some of that nursing down. Again, I wish I would have done this. I might not have ended up so wiped out and with mastitis!!! Eeek!

Good luck to you, girlfriend!!!

Chrissy
 
Chrissy,

I'm so sorry that you went through all of this and wound up with mastitis. I can see how easily that can happen when you can't let yourself shutdown and heal and bond with your little one. "The Doctor says no visitors for ___ days" idea is great! I'm using it for sure. Thanks in advance!!!

How is your little one doing? It's Ella right? (my memory is not so hot these days). How old is she now? Who does she look like, you or hubby or both? I hope you're both doing well and enjoying your special time together. :)

Thanks again for the great idea!

Steph
 
Great memory, Steph!

Yes, it is Ella. She is 2 months on Monday - oh my! When you look back, time flies, but when you're up with a cranky baby, and you're sleep deprived, it goes soooo slow! LOL! That's ok, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I keep trying to get myself to slow down and enjoy the moment because she is growing sooo fast! She's almost in 3-6 month clothes, so I had to pack away a lot of her little stuff. It actually made me a little sad because she is growing that fast!

Uh - oh, Ella is awake and crying... gotta go, but I'll talk to you soon!

Chrissy
 
Hey Chrissy, I love her name!! I can't believe Ella's already 2 months, it seems like yesterday you informed us that you were moving to the post-partum list. That happened almost over night...but I guess that's all it takes! I could be next. :)

Maybe one day you'll have some photos up so we can see the little lady. She sounds adorable and sooo healthy -- she IS growing fast! That's probably why so many of us have siblings, our mom's get bummed out that we're not tiny any more and the next thing ya know - BOOM - they're pregnant again.

Hope you guys had a great weekend!

Steph
 
My mom said when she had me, she would just unplug the phones completely and sleep and rest at will while she was caring for me. She jokes that she knew it irritated some of her friends, but if your truly a friend - you understand.

Good Luck to you.

I would unplug phones, put your cellphone on vibrate, don't answer email, and people will get the message that you are serious.
 
Steph,

I can't wait until you're on the PP post with us! You're sooo close! Are you getting excited? Scared? Both? You'll be really exhausted, but you're going to love it so much!

Chrissy
 
Hey Chrissy,

Thanks for asking, I'm hanging in there. I'm probably the only pregnant woman this close to her due date who's actually hoping for a few more days. Having the move and setting things up, getting things in order at home and at work has been keeping me occupied and distracted. But I have some other not so happy reasons too...

I feel ready but I'm sooooooo hoping to make it at least to the 8th of the month. We had a horrible tragedy in our family last year and tomorrow is the anniversary -- the 6th. There was a car accident and we lost an unborn baby nephew (full term), his mom nearly died -- she's still recovering. So the family is celebrating her life but remembering her angel and that dark day. I can only imagine what tomorrow will be like for her. She's a strong woman with remarkable resilience, but anyone would be distraught over such a loss and the circumstances surrounding it.

If my baby girl was born on the same day or even a day after, it would be like being born under a dark cloud. Even though deep down I can't wait to meet her, I'm doing my best to send her chill vibes so she stays put and hangs out for a few more days. I would be thrilled if she was born on the 11th...far enough away from the memory of that awful day. Please say a prayer that she's on time (Nov 10th) or even a bit late.

I'm sorry to depress you or scare anyone reading this. His mom is doing extremely well and is optimistic about plans to try for another child in a couple of years. The experience makes me fully realize that life is such a precious and delicate gift. I'm that much more grateful for all the blessings that I've been given.

With that in mind, big hugs and extra kisses to your beautiful little blessing, Ella. :)

Steph
 
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