An in-law drives me crazy!

E

exercise forever

Cathlete
My sister-in-law is totally driving me crazy. I have known her for 16 years and we used to be good friends until the last 4 years.She is the type of person that it has to be her way and you do what she wants. Every since I lost weight she decided she would do the same. Amd that is great, but It's gotten to the point that she copies everything and it getting sickening to me. She will ask me for instance whether I go heavy on my legs or light. I told her I like to go heavy, well she said she likes to go light because her legs look fat when heavy. Well that's fine everyone has their own thing. Two weeks later she says I am going heavy on my legs this week. If I say something and she doesn't agree, weeks later she is doing it and saying It like we have never talked. She bashes what I say and turns around and does it. This is gave me many days of anger and that is stupid.

My husband says to take it as a compliment. But that is so hard when you are getting copied all the time. She even one christmas years ago knew I was getting a anniversary band to go with my diamond. She even told me that she wined to her husband and said Kim is getting a diamond and I want one too.Urrrgg!!! I wandering if I am making too much of this?

Well I need to shorten this but today what got me so ruffled is she wanted me to go somewhere with her but I said My husband would be home at that time and I wanted to be at home with him. She did not like this a bit, and I've seen the time she would not go somewhere because her husband was at home and its okay. She tells me oh he will be okay without you for a while.

I am sorry this is so long, I guess I have years of venting to do. Does anyone experience this?


Again, sorry so long. I need some feed back.

kim
 
I agree that she is probably jealous of you. You usually don't mimic people you don't want to be like! However I know that it can drive a person crazy! I have a grown niece who sounds just like your sis in law. She even talks like me (usues the same phrases etc) and it drives me nuts! I want to say "get your own personality". I stopped giving her fitness advice about what I do as she thinks it will make her have my body shape etc. When it doesn't work she acts like I lied to her! Not all people are the same and not everyone gets the same results is what I tell her. Do what I do and just try to stay away from her when she gets like that. I have learned that she annoys me and I keep our time to a mininmum. I wish you luck and I feel for you.

Terri
 
That is what my friends at work say. My best friend says just don't talk to her again or get around her, but that is hard to do when she is family. If she wasn't I would of wrote her off a long time ago. It is a sticky situation. I guess I need to learn how to ignore.

kim
 
Yes Terri, she picks me for information on what workout I'm doing and I beat myself up when she turns around and copies me. I say I am not going to tell her anything else and some how she sneaks it out. It's a pity when you can't talk to someone without being copied.

Maybe I can keep my mouth shut in the future.

kim
 
I mean this in the kindest, most gentle way...but what is wrong with her "picking your brain" and following suit? Really, isn't that what we all do here constantly...especially with Cathe? If she told us she inhaled 10,000 times a day, more than half of us would start counting our breathes!:7 :7 :7

We are all constantly looking at each others picture trails and then asking the person what they do and what they eat..its because they have results that we want. Clearly, you have results that your SIL wants...it's not a bad thing unless she is getting competitive with it.

I think it is obvious that she looks up to you and you should be flattered! When you tell her what workouts your doing, of course she is going to "copy" it...she sees something that works so she's going to try it. We'd never do Cathe's step workouts if we knew she only did step when recording her videos or only lifted weights when filming.

Don't get mad or offended. As for the ring and "spouse time", those are her problems and her insecurities...don't let those ruin a good mood! It's not worth it. She obviously has some issues there but don't make them yours...just be glad your not that way and be glad thatyou don't spend your time looking at what other people have and wishing and wanting. Time should be spent looking at what you do have and feeling grateful for it and appreciating it, otherwise it's not worth having.

Sorry so long, again, I mean this in the nicest way.:*
 
Sarah,

You have a good point. I mean I have e-mailed people for advice on thier routines. Even you! I however did not expect that I would wake up and loo like you if I did your routine. Which I can't say is what is happening with kims sis in law but it is what the problem with my niece is. I did however like your opinion on this matter and I respect it. I am just annoyed and I think anyone would be if you had someone around you everyday walking, talking, dressing and doing everything you did. Not just my good qualities either but she would mimic my bad ones too! Which I have many of :) Anyway I am taking this off topic of Kims sis in law. I just wanted to say I see both sides of this.


Terri
 
Sarah I totally understand what you are saying. We all get advice here with each other and do it, well that is not what I mean. My sister inlaw bashes and talks negative about what I am doing and then turns around and does it. Something is wrong there. Yes we ask for advice here,but we don't say oh that is bad for you whatever and you shouldn't do this because, and then turn around and do it. I should have explained myself better. If she is against it she shouldn't turn around and do it.

Yes I should be flattered, but that only last but so long.

kim
 
I will admit that the way the person "acts" about it would make a huge difference and could take it from flattering to annoying easly. I also think that it would depend on the nature of the relationship with that person to begin with.

So, the question is...is it the act of duplicating your routine or the "person" duplicating your routine?

Terri, As for your niece expecting to wake up with your body from following your routine, well, she has a lot of going up to do and some realizations that she needs to make on her own. I have no doubt that in our earlier days, most of us looked at a picture of some one fit or thin and we thought we would look the same if we got into better shape. Truth is, no matter how much I workout and eat clean, I will never have Angelina Jolie's body. I may be in better shape (MAYBE) and have lower body fat and may be able to run farther (all maybe's) but I will NEVER have her body, or Halle Berry's, or Monica Brant's, or JLo, the list could go on forever!

Your niece just needs to learn that we are not built the same.
 
Sarah I think it is the person who is duplicating my routine and anything in my life. I told my best friend that if she was to ask me about exercising and did it that would not bother me. Because she does not talk negative about the things I do and then want to do them. I have a friend down the road and she has let me borrow cathe tapes and she is in awesome shape and we trade advice. We have no problem because we are not jealous of each other. My sis law has made me despise her. And it is hard to talk to my husband because that is his sister. But he has said she is trying to be like me and I should just not get around her. Well how in the sam hill am I supposed to do that we she is family?

Don't ask me, bash me, then copy me!

kim
 
In my defense, I really don't know the nature of your relationship. If someone were to ask, bash then copy, I'd be dizzy too! Have you ever "called" her on it? Have you ever said "Thought you said using heavy weights made your legs too big and now your packing the iron".:7 I would, just to watch her squirm.

Also, if your husband, her own brother, is recommending you steer clear of her, she must be quite a number!

Another idea, when she asks then bashes...feed yourself a compliment. Say "It has really worked for me, my legs have never looked better", or "I'm noticing quite an improvement in my muscle definition, I'm real happy with my current rotation". Just some ideas...or a simple "Different things work for different people and body types", which is true!
 
Hey Sarah,

Yes I have called her on it a couple of times. For instance, I told her I thought you didn't like using heavy weight on legs because they make yours look too fat. She will say, "oh I know". Yes I do call her on it and she sounds so stupid. I should not talk this way either.

I wish I had a way I could make more of a fool out of her so she would get her own life. There I go being mean again.

So if I stay away from her and she ask me to go out what do I say? I don't like hurting anyone's feelings unless they are in my face and have just pi**ed me off. Cause It is easy for me to just stay away,but there are the kids who are cousins and that is our link also.

kim
 
It sounds to me like what is bothering you (rightly so) is that your sister-in-law is almost "fused" with you. The most troubling place that is showing is in her inability to accept any boundaries you put up (eg. telling her you can't spend time with her at the exact time she wants). I think this is why the workout issues annoy you -- not so much her wanting advice as her inability to remain differentiated from you. It will take practice for you to establish boundaries, and she may at first get angry, but it looks to me as if this is what the relationship needs. You need to be able to say: now is not a good time, I don't want to do that with you, I have other plans, etc..... My two-cents, Carol
 
You're right Carol, even my best friend from work tells me to just say no when she call to go out. I should say I have other plans. But for some reason it is so hard to say. And I usually have not problem with words. but I know with all of you telling me this, that it is the best thing to do. So the word no will have to come out my mouth.

kim
 
Kim,

Tell her you cannot go out because you want to spend time with your kids.

It does sound like she needs some boundaries. Maybe next time she asks for workout advice, you could be brutally honest and say "Whenever you ask for my 2 cents, you immediately criticize it so the best I can give you are a couple of websites with great information", or steer her towards Oxygen, Hers, Shape or Fitness magazines. If you wanted to get pissy when she asks then bashes you could dart back "Well. then why ask".
 
Hey sarah, if I don't get the guts to say that, can I call you up to do it for me?

I hope it will come out my mouth before I have time to think about I should be nice. But I need to say exactly what should be said.

Thanks Sarah.

kim
 
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