Alright, what is it REEEEEALLY like...

[letswork]

...with two babies? I'm 8 weeks pregnant with number two and my son just turned a year old at the end of January. The idea of two under the age of two...both in diapers...well, it overwhelms me a little.

What can I really expect? Is there any way to possibly prepare myself for what is to come? Will my first born be jealous? Is there anything I can do to help him cope? Is it easier the second time around? Will I ever sleep again?

Don't get me wrong...I'm so THRILLED about this pregnancy and adore the idea of welcoming another baby to our very happy family. It's just that sometimes I overthink things and get scared. Maybe it's the hormones talking?

I'd appreciate anyone's insight. And hey Cathe, if you are reading this...thank you for responding to my other post about pregnancy exercise. I'm keeping at it and it feels just great. Hope your boys are doing great.

 

[cjbate]

Really, it will be OK! My first two kids aren't quite as close as yours will be, they are 2 y 7 months apart, I am due with my third in a few weeks, he will be 2 y 1 m away from his next oldest brother...but I can tell you that I had a lot of the same fears when I was pg with #2, and it really will be fine. I used to make that comment too about not wanting two in diapers, (my oldest didn't potty train til 3) but really, what's the difference? As long as you are changing one, may as well change two! And your two kids will be so close in age, that I think they will be very good buddies for their whole life.

I think that your oldest is too young to have formed any kind of "King of the Castle" complex and will just take it in stride.

2nd kid is so much easier because you already know how to take care of a newborn!!! I was blown away by how much easier it was.

YES sometimes things will be crazy with two so young...but it won't last. And the older they get, the better it will be. Don't sweat!

Jen
:7

 

[letswork]

Thanks Jen

Your response came at the perfect time. My one year old is sick and was up all night with a fever. Here I am dealing with the sickness and exhaustion that comes with the first trimester of pregnancy AND running on no sleep.

I really, really appreciate your kind words of support. You are right, it's going to be OK.

Thanks again for your sweet post.

 

[Hazel P]

Hi! I suspect the reason you've only gotten one reply is because those of us with two are too busy to answer! Seriously, life with two is quite a juggling act. Mine are almost exactly 25 months apart, and the first couple months were . . . well, I guess I shouldn't sugar-coat this (you're not going to change your mind anyway right?) were pretty brutal. Until Ryan started sleeping through the night (at about 10 weeks), I was more tired than I think I've ever been in my life. There was little opportunity (as with the first baby) to "nap when the baby naps", unless I lucked out and got them both to sleep at the same time, which didn't happen very much until the baby was a few months old. Now that he's 7 months old and more on a schedule, it's quite a bit better, and I'm thinking that it will be even better by the time they're both down to one nap a day (of course, by then he'll also be walking, so that could present problems of its own). But I had (and still have) plenty of days where I didn't feel like I accomplished a whole heck of a lot and a few where I was pretty short in the patience department and felt like a candidate for worst mother of the year. Still I only had one day where I had to call my husband and make him come home early from work -- the baby had been crying for a solid two hours and I hadn't been keeping tabs on my older one until I caught a glimpse of her streaking past me without a stitch of clothing on, that's when I knew I needed to call in reinforcements!

My daughter rarely showed any problems with jealousy when the baby arrived (we had a couple times where she told me "Mommy, go lay Ryan down"), but she did have problems getting and staying asleep for the first time in her life. That too seems to have worked itself out (more or less -- and I find it doesn't affect me when she has a bad night because she goes to her daddy if she gets up in the middle of the night).

And as for two in diapers, that truly is no big deal (at least to me). I actually found that easier than the huge emotional and time investment potty training is seeming to take!

OK, so it I haven't totally scared you, let me just say that I am so thankful to have my sweet little boy in my life and cannot imagine what I would do without him! And I absolutely love watching my children interact. Ryan just obviously adores his big sister, and she is just a little mother hen to him. They are so, so sweet together. As hard as it is at times to coordinate two kids, I don't ever regret it (and I'm still contemplating whether we should have just one more -- oh, they're like salted peanuts! :7 ).

If you have family or friends nearby, don't be shy about asking for help! Try to get your older child involved with the baby -- we had a present waiting at the hospital for the baby to "give" to Lauren when she came to visit -- have him help you by getting diapers or burp clothes if he's interested, and make an effort to have lots of one-on-one time with him whenever possible so he doesn't feel lost in the shuffle.

Congratulations on your new arrival -- you will do fine, I'm sure!

 

[tknelsen]

I'm going to jump in here even though I am relatively new to this forum...
I recently had baby #3 (she just turned 4 months old). My oldest is 4 and the middle is 2 (they are 2 yrs. 4 mo apart, and 21 mo. apart for youngest).

I think everyone who is expecting a second or third (or more) child has felt the same mixture of excitement and fear that you are experiencing. Don't deny your feelings because they are valid. I think that mothers sometimes worry about discussing the difficult aspects of motherhood (for fear of what others might think). I think the most important thing you can do for yourself is find a support system of family or friends. It's not always easy, and I know that, because I live completely isolated from my family and we moved when my second was 5 months old. So, if you don't have people you can count on, look for a support group (like a mom's group).

The first few months will be so hard, and you will feel more exhausted than you ever imagined....BUT... after that you will not believe how much your life has changed for the better. Just the other day a relative was visiting and took my older two out for a couple of hours. It was so quiet (and dull) without a house full of noisy children.

My other bit of advice for you is to make sure you take time for yourself. This is where Cathe fits in for me. I have to work out, not because I"m so worried about fitting back into my jeans, but because I need the stress release and the time for me. Of course this means that sometimes I am doing Cardio Kicks at 9pm because it is the only time I can find, but I do it and I love it and I need it.

 

[cjbate]

Sounds like some good advice, just wanted to add, what really helped me was to get my older one into a nap routine pre-birth of the new guy (which yours may be already), where he knew he was going to go to bed once in the afternoon (I could juggle it an hour or so either way, since he couldn't tell time) so that at least once per day, after lunch, they both would be in bed. I kept the older one in his crib, kept the baby in a bassinet in a spare room/my bedroom so there was at least once per afternoon when as soon as the baby shut his eyes, I would hustle the toddler to bed too, then RUN DO NOT WALK to the nearest horizontal surface and get some shut eye. Unplug the phone.

Even if the older one did not sleep right away or much at all, I knew he was safe in his crib for an hour or two and I could relax enough to get a nap. When he transitioned to a big boy bed, he knew he was not allowed out until I came to get him.

Helped me 'til the baby was sleeping thru, also as they both got older, it got easier to jive their naps together. The older one, even now at 4 1/2, still spends quiet time/nap time in his room, while the younger (2) takes an honest nap...and so do I!