Abnormal Pregnancy

[Madonna]

There is a woman that I work with in my office that has received some terrible news. She is 5 1/2 months along and has been notified that her baby has a genetic defect. They are giving her the option of carring the baby full term, but if she does, it could be still born or only live 5 to 6 months. She has a big decision to make. My question to all of you is, how should I treat her? I have been avoiding her because I want to give her space. I know lots of people have been asking her questions. But I want to do something for her. I also want to show my concern and sympathy for her feelings. I have no children and have never been pregnant, so it is hard for me to relate. Please give me your advice.


Madonna

 

[FitMom]

How awful. My heart goes out to your friend.

How nice of you to post and ask what you can do for her!! First, don't stay away from her. She know's you're doing this and she knows why. I had a friend who lost her son to SIDS when he was 8 weeks old. This happened to her and it made her feel even more isolated. All you can do is tell her how sorry you are for what she is going through and offer to listen to her if she needs. If you can, offer her your shoulder to cry on, let her yell and scream if she needs too. When you see her, ask her how she's doing. She'll let you know if she needs to go any further. She may also not want to talk about it at all. She may want to go on with life as normal right now until she decides what she's going to do. I just think the most important thing is to let her know she's not alone and you're there if she needs you.

Good luck.

http://www.fitmomsonline.com/allisig1-2.jpg
Mommy to Zachary, Jillian and Baby Katie due February 24, 2002​

 

[tchersue]

I had a good friend/co-worker who lost a baby at nearly 6 mos. of pregnancy a few years back. I found that, the thing she wanted most was validation of her decisions -- in her case, that she hadn't overdone it... that it was okay that she took a medication a doctor prescribed for the bleeding... that sort of thing.

Another friend (and her husband) of mine chose to terminate a pregnancy at 5 mos. when it was determined that there were some severe physical/neurological abnormalities due to a genetic defect. It was a completely heartwrenching decision for them... and, although I didn't 100% agree with her decision, I felt that it was important to just be there, be supportive, and, again, listen and give her validation for her decision. I couldn't pretend to know what it was like to be in her shoes, so I was just there.

Very, very tough!
Susan

 

[Colia]

I had a dear friend who had this unfortunate event occur as well. She worked with me in the hospital, so we both knew very well all the stuff that would happen. She was more concerned about her husband dealing with and seeing what would probably be a malformed baby. Anyway, to answer your question, I think the most important thing you can do, is provide a listening ear - you surely can't make the situation any different, but just being there I think can make world of difference for someone, in which most people do the natural thing - avoid a difficult situation if possible. Just put yourself in a situation where she has the opportunity to talk if she wishes to, if not, at least she knows you are there and available if needed. I think people always respond to another's genuine concern with gratefulness - you are so kind to care!

For my friend, I think if was helpful to have someone to talk things through and to not have to cry alone - she spent many an hour at my house just crying and grieving for her baby. I couldn't do a thing except to be there and share in her pain.

Again, God bless you for your thoughtfulness at wanting to help - please keep us posted!

Colia