AAAArrrrghh.... grrrr.... harrumph

amyg

amyg

Cathlete
I'm so mad at my hubby these days!!! He has completely disappeared into work, after telling me he doesn't want to do that and now that he has an assistant he doesn't have to, and he isn't around. After 6 months of working 14-16 hour days and not seeing me at all, his assistant started last month and he had a few days where he came home. Now that it's the holidays, he's not around again!!!! x(

His mom called him yesterday, so he's going to Lowes by his work to pick up a Christmas gift his mom is getting my BIL. Because he doesn't have time to get tire chains for our car for the trip we're supposed to be taking tomorrow, but he can do this?!? x(

I'm sitting here, after going to 10 stores today AND to work, doing Christmas cards at almost 10pm. He's not around, won't ask what's going on when he comes home, doesn't appear to care except he "would really like" us to send out Christmas cards....

When he gets home, he'll spend a bunch of time in the bathroom and with the cats, and then he'll sit next to me on the couch and watch TV until I tell him to go to bed. THIS IS INSANE. x(

Harrumph. I'm smoldering over here!! I've spent more time home ALONE since we got married than I ever did before I met him. Harrrrrrrrrumph!!!! x( x( x( x( x(

Thanks for letting me smolder to you guys. ;(
 
I'm really sorry Amy..:(...you might need a long talk together...:)...I'm lucky as my DH was never a workaholic. Procrastinator yes...After 25 years of marriage there are times I'd like him to work more...:7

The holidays can be tough for all of us. You'll get thru this and have a great Christmas...:)...Carole
 
Hey Amy!
I have to tell you that when I saw the title of your post, I thought someone was doing the Muscle Endurance dvd and was posting the noises they make while lifting! Guess that's my world.

Hang in there! Once you get past the chaos of the holidays things will settle down I'm sure.
 
Oh Amy,

Go ahead and release the preasure so you don't explode. Next, take a minute, do something nice for yourself and relax a bit. Then find a good time to have a meaningful talk with hubby. Remember to listen to each other. We should be rejoicing and reflecting on our Blessings. But, this time of year has become hectic and tension filled for some. All this adds to the chaos.

I hope things get better for you,
jordan
 
Don't feel bad. My husband gets up at 2 a.m. every morning, out the door by 2:40 and doesn't come home until 6:30 at night. That's Monday-Sat. Sunday it is only until 1:00. It has been like that the whole year, w/ the exception of 1 week off in July and the 2 weeks he takes w/ the kids on their break in December. He says he has to work that much. I said "No, you choose to". When you see him at home it's almost like he doesn't know what to do w/ himself.:-( But yet on the flip side, when he is home I don't know what to do w/ my self.:)
 
I am familiar with the troubles of marrying a workaholic. My father was one and my mom divorced him because of it...after about 11 years but still...

I don't know what advice to give you beyond what others have said. Hopefully if you talk to him and tell him how you feel it will have an impact though if he is a true workaholic he will probably fall back into the same pattern eventually even if he changes things initially. I'm not trying to upset you, just being honest.

"I'm sitting here, after going to 10 stores today AND to work, doing Christmas cards at almost 10pm. He's not around, won't ask what's going on when he comes home, doesn't appear to care except he "would really like" us to send out Christmas cards...."

I could have written that line myself!!! Don't you just LOVE how the woman automatically becomes the secreatary when you get married!?! Really BURNS me up!!!! x( This is our third year as a married couple and after 2 years of being NAGGED by DH about Christmas cards, I finally sent them out this year but ONLY because it's the pic cards with DS and Clyde on the them!!! :+ I am sure the man NEVER sent out cards in his LIFE on his own but yet it's sooo important for US to send them. Did he lift a finger during the proccess? NO! I guess if I asked, he would have helped but it was his fricken' idea so he should have gotten off his a$$ the FIRST YEAR and started the ball rolling and maybe we would have sent cards all THREE years instead of just this one!

Anyway...I'm sorry for hi-jacking your thread with my little rant there...I got carried away I guess.:p

Best of luck! I hope he HEARS you! Especially around the holidays, he should be hangin' out with his sweetheart more often! HUBBA HUBBA!;)
 
Amy, sorry you are going through this. Have you talked to him about it? My sis, who has been with her DH since they were freshman in college, gave me some good advice right before DH and I got married a couple of years ago. I was upset about some thing but hadn't told DH about them/ She told me, "don't assume he knows how you feel if you haven't talked to him about it, because men don't check-up on the relationship like women do." In other words, if you're not talking to him about what's on your mind, he probably figures everything is a-ok between you.

Sparrow
 
awwww Amy I'm sorry. I totally understand. My DH is working full time and law school at night 4 days a week. This is the next 3.5 years. Sigh. Men ;)


"you miss 100% of the shots you never take"


Debbie
 
My SO has a day off today. He chose to spend it elsewhere. It would be the one day a week that we're off together, since his stores are open 7 days a week and can only take one weekend day.

It really makes one feel like one is low on the priority list, doesn't it?

When he is home, he's quite often engaged in playing his delightful RPG on the computer with lots of other people, none of them being me.

Sometimes it irks me, but really, I'm not good with him being around ALL the time either. I just wish I thought I was top of his list.

I guess what I'm saying is that I feel your pain. You really ought to talk to him about it. Guys are generally clueless. He probably has no idea.
 
Thanks for all the support, everyone! I talk to him about it ALL the time. He sounds like he understands, vows to try to make it a bit better, and then reverts back. He's really lost HIMSELF with working so much and that's what I'm really worried about. He and I can work it out, but if he goes away from him, then I've lost him. It's hard to explain. Working this much hasn't been his choice- his assistant quit in May and he's been working 70-85 hour weeks since. He just got a new assistant in November, a guy who came over from Germany to take this job (why they couldn't find an assistant banquet manager in the entire country, I don't know except for the cost of living in the SF bay area) so DH is training him now too. He's trying to make the hotel "better" but he's not getting any support from anyone there, so I don't know why he's trying. I appreciate his attempts, but at what cost??

When we were going to sleep last night, he talked about how he misses himself, too. So that's good that he at least recognizes it too. (He's also the most quiet guy who never initiates a conversation with anyone, so it's kinda hard to hear from him.) He said things were getting better because last week he made himself tuna fish. As in, tuna fish, mayo, onions, etc for a tuna sandwich. HE GOT EXCITED HE HAD TIME TO MAKE TUNA FISH. That is the saddest thing ever. LOL, it really is!

I have noticed I only get mad after about 10pm. Maybe I should just go to sleep at 9:45!!

Thanks again.
 
I could have written this whole post myself! I know just how some of you feel girls, Amy - especially the cards. I finally put my foot down on the cards this year and said not only are they expensive and we can't afford it, but mostly we send them to 1. people we see all the time who know what we look like and know that we like them and 2. people we never see or talk to except in Christmas cards.

Hang in there girl - I have solved it by spending a lot of time with my girlfriends and cherishing the time DH do spend together. My husband works at work, then at home and sometimes he doesn't even turn his head from the computer when he talks to me. Last year we were spending NO time together and I finally said "We ahave our hills and valleys, but at this point our relationship needs a full on crevasse rescue team." It was a good opener to get him to spend more time with me and even to enjoy it.

Working this stuff out is part of the ride of marriage, but sometimes we girls get sick of being the designated driver of the relationship!

I also spend a lot of time alone and I know just how you feel - you got married to be together! How's that for feeding your fire, but I think it does help to know that you aren't the only one.

Melissa

Keep your head in line. Your butt will follow.

http://www.picturetrail.com/pellmel
 
I do think it helps, Melissa! All I see around me are husbands who go home from work and talk to their wives. I'm completely missing reality, I know, but it's what I've been doing. Writing about it makes me feel better to know it's not just me.

DH is pretty traditional when it comes to his family- cards to the relatives we don't see seem to be a must for him. (Don't tell him but I cut out a bunch of them this year since I had more people I wanted to send cards to, and had only bought 60 stamps! LOL)

I really think he's stuck with his position and doesn't know how to get out. I'm a big problem solver and he isn't, so I know this is one of those opposites he wanted to learn from me. Just like his stability appeals to me. It really sucks to watch him be so unhappy though!

I'm going to try that cravasse line!! Thanks!!
 
Glad I could help and you really helped me too! Sometimes I get very down about it and I don't really talk about it, I just kind of take it out on him. It is the little things and sometimes I wish that he would want to spend time with me.
Have a good one! I am STILL not sending cards and we had another round of "discussion" about it today.
Melissa

Keep your head in line. Your butt will follow.

http://www.picturetrail.com/pellmel
 
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