A NOT so good yesterday!

L

lorihart

Cathlete
Hi Everyone,
I just need to get this off of my chest and I was hoping that you guys would help me see the light at the end of the tunnel.
DH was layed off from his job yesterday and I don't know if I am happy or sad.They gave him 3 monthes salary and all of his benefits until then.
The truth is, DH hated his job.He made pretty good money but it wasn't enough for the stress he was under.He was stop or go.And when he stopped he fell asleep.I didn't like seeing what his job was doing to him either.He was having a hard time being a father/husband/worker.But the way they did it just seemed so under handed to me. I guess I am thinking, How dare you get rid of my husband?He is such a good guy and hard worker but the company is taking major cutbacks and unfortunatly his job is gone as well.
We live in a small town and I guess I am nervous about him finding more work (at the same salary) I am also scared that we will have to move.I am hoping the stress of looking for work isn't go to do any harm to our marriage.I am hoping he is not hiding his true emotions from me.He says he is happy but yet, he as little appetite.I guess it is the not knowing part of it all.
The funny thing is, if he had quit (which he wanted to do)we would have been left with nothing.But now that he as been layed off with a package, I feel like they have betrayed him or something.Its almost like wanting to breakup with a boyfriend but they end up doing it first.Anyway, I just needed to vent. I am having my moments.Yesterday I wanted to cry, then I was fine. Now today I have a knot in my stomach, then after dinner I had a good cry for myself.I try not to sigh to much b/c I don't want him to think that I am stressed out b/c he will get stressed out.But I don't like not knowing either.
Thanks for letting me vent,
Lori
 
I'm sorry Lori {{{{HUGS}}}}}....Hopefully something good will come out of this. If he was under that much stress, it wasn't a good thing for him, you or your family.

It is normal for him to be a depressed about this. Men are defined by our society by what they do, so his ego has taken a big hit. All you can do is be there for him and support him in his search for a new job. Moving may be tough, but sometimes it can open up doors you didn't even no existed.

Hang in there,

Tammy
 
Lori ~

Sending you a cyber ((HUG)). All change is hard. Try not to look too far into the future. Focus on the "pros" of the situation -- his severance, it's summer(!) and he'll have none of the stress of his old job. Try to think of it as his last employer paying him to look for a better job!

~ Kim

"Welcome the challenge...Embrace it...Don't fear it." -Cathe Friedrich
 
aww Lori, lots of hugs to you. I'm sorry this is such a stressful situation. Remember to take care of yourselves and each other, mentally and physically.


"you miss 100% of the shots you never take"

Debbie
 
Oh Lori, I feel the knot growing inside of me reading this from you. My husband and I had similar situation just last week. Not as far as cut backs but him losing his job. I was so fearful of the money issues but at the same time I thought he is always under such stress. I can't tell you (well, I guess you know) how scary it is to have a life that you depend on and then in a blink it changes. What got me through most of it was that I had my kids, I had my huband and most of all we had each other. Things worked out for the best for us and I know it will for you to. The uncertainty is so hard, and I know this, but now that I 'm thinking about it things happen for a reason. Maybe this happened to my husband and I just a week ago to let you know you are not alone in the world. Things like this happen all over and if you can make it thourgh the tough times and see the light at the end of the tunnel you will get there. I promise. God Bess you . Karen
 
This is a very common reaction that you're having. They say that next to a loved one dying, losing a job is the most stressful event in your life. That said, I was laid-off from my job of 11 years 3 years ago. Similarly to your husband, I was given a severance package of 10 weeks full pay and a continuation of benefits. They also gave me 3 months of outplacement counselling, where I was assisted in preparing my resume and developing interview skills. I didn't find the experience stressful at all. I had been wanting to leave the company because it had become boring to me. I was treated well there, but I did feel a tiny bit betrayed because I had always been such a loyal employee. But a business decision is a business decision, and it's nothing personal.

I looked at it like this: if I hired someone to paint my house, and then I could no longer afford to have someone painting my house - or it no longer needed it, I wouldn't keep that person around.

I also saw it as an opportunity to explore other options. It all worked out very well. They gave me the severance pay in a lump-sum, so I was able to collect unemployment at the same time. It took me 10 weeks to find another job. The pay was a bit less, but the hours were better and it was a less stressful environment.

I never spoke negatively about my former employer and we've maintained a respectful relationship. I contacted my former EVP a couple weeks ago to ask his permission to use him as a reference, and he said he was honored that I asked. So, you can't burn bridges.

You're going to need to remain positive about it. Negativity does nothing for you in job searches. Keep upbeat, because it's likely his self-esteem will take a few blows over the next few months.

Monster.com offers a lot of good advice about interviews and such. If he doesn't have an outplacement service as part of his package, he should get some good resume books from the library. And he needs to practice his interviewing skills. Monster also has some very good forums where he can get advice.

Good luck! He'll find something, don't worry.
 
Thanks guys. I knew there would be some kind words said across the miles:)
His company as also set him up with an employment counseller.He said she was really nice and she is helping him apply on a job he was interested in last week. He also told his boss about the job he wanted to apply on and his boss new the guy who would be hiring so he is putting in a good word for him.
He as never been without a job but this job is the most money he as ever made and so many benefits. We use to eat out all the time and never pay,never pay for hotel rooms...etc....but it still wasn't worth the stress.But we live within or means.
He is telling his friends that it was his choice to leave and I find it hard to lie to people.But I don't want people to think he was fired.They say that they are going to have someone else for the area but with less pay.Part of me wonders if they were just getting rid of him or the position.He admits himself that he wasn't doing his work like he should have b/c he didn't have the interest or motivation anymore.The compnay as been taken over my europeans and people are retiring and resigning left, right and center.
So he still gets paid for 12 weeks but I am piching every penny b/c I think the checks have stopped comming. And I know that 3 monthes are gonna go by so fast.
The thought of moving is scary b/c we would have to move to the city and we live in such a safe place right now.We also have a 9 yr old and it would kill me if she had to start in a new school.I can only imagine how scary that much be for a child.
Thanks again,
Lori
 
Let your husband tell your friends that it was his decision. He's probably embarrassed, even though he wasn't fired. I remember feeling very embarrassed myself. I'd get together for lunch with some of my girlfriends and there would be all the people on their lunch breaks, and all of a sudden I felt like an outsider. Like they all KNEW I didn't have a job. Silly.

I also had a day where I thought they may have been getting rid of me and not my job, because the email announcement to the company went out letting them know about the restructuring in the HR department. And the person who was absorbing a lot of my duties had MY title! I went to the EVP that day and told him that I really didn't understand. He was quite upset with the woman who had put that email out. He also told me that I was a luxury they couldn't afford anymore and that he was beginning to regret his decision in eliminating me instead of some of the others who were staying, but complaining about the work they were going to have to do.

How do you know you'll have to move to the city? How far is your neighborhood from the nearest city? I have a 20 mile commute and it's nothing. Of course, the traffic in Buffalo is pretty light compared with other cities.
 
Its a 3 1/2 hour drive. We live in a small town now, (about 10,000 people) and good paying jobs are limited. There are alot of people here that own there own business.Its the only real way to make money in this town.
He is applying on one job right away so hopefully he will get somewhere with that.And it is better pay then what he was getting.
It would be awesome if he found work while he was still getting his severence package.We could pay off a few bills then.
Lori:)
 
OK, yeah, 3 1/2 hours is a bit much. Is the job he's applying for local?

See? You're already starting to see the possibilities of how this can turn into a good thing! I had a friend who used her severance as a downpayment on a new house because she found something before she needed to touch it.

Do you work?
 
Sorry it took me so long to respond.Our internet connection at home is gone.
We had a pretty hard weekend.Well, DH more then myself. He really came down hard on Sat and Sun. But things were looking up yesterday.I am being positive b/c someone as to be.If I were as down as him we wouldn't be in a very good place right now.
He realized this weekend how much our families are here for us emotional and financially.
Yeah I work but my imcome is only 1/2 of what his was.
That would be the best case scenerio.If he gets a job and he is still getting his severence package, we could really put a dent in some bills.
His employment counsellor helped him with his resume and she did an amazing job.He applied on a job that closes today so cross your fingers that he atleast gets an interview.He is very quailified for the postion.
Lori:)
 
My fingers are crossed as tightly as they can be. Just help him not to panic if it takes a little while to find a job. Those counsellors really do help a lot. Will they help him with his interview skills? If not, maybe he wouldn't feel too weird practicing with you. I wouldn't practice with my husband, I just did it when nobody was home. I felt dumb practicing - but it really pays off.
 
Lori, things will work out fine, ya'll may have to cut back on a few things till he finds something he is happy with. But he did get 3 month severance, thats more than most get....
Ya'll will make it, this is also a good test for both of ya...
Wish you the best.... Rhonda:7
 
Been there. I got layed off when I couldn't work full-time (I had been working part-time for 6 years and had the kids all settled around this.) As it turned out they did me a favor. I felt betrayed as well but I learned a lesson:
Don't feel sentimental about a company because they don't feel sentimental about you.
Sad but true.

--Lois


"If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning" - Mahatma Ghandi
 
True statment and maybe that is what bothered him.His boss laid him off instead of the powers above and someone he wouldn't have even known.The people he worked with were tightly knit and still are.They have called the house quit often to see how he is doing.
He is doing alot better.He is eating again! Thats a plus.
Lori:)
 
I was laid off in 03 (January right before the war began). It was a very rough time getting a job.

Being let go was actually a wonderful thing
- I was very unhappy at the company, but would have stayed - miserable trying to make things work
- This was EXTRA time with my kids. Got to go to every game. I was able to wake up and make breakfast, meet them after school. At the time my daughter was a jr in HS and son 8th grade
- Financial aid for college is based on your income for their jr year so I got a good deal of aid
- I had time to volunteer at animal shelter and at an environmental agency
- I read the bible from cover to cover
- Had time to focus on the really important things in life

Things do work out

- One word I'd say is to have him spend a certain amount of time on his mind set (whatever form this takes). I would take 1/2 hr each morning. It's SO important to keep positive
- Look at finding a job as a project - FOCUS on the milestones and celebrate success, every nibble, every phone screen, initial interview etc.

Good luck sure it will work out
 
Another piece of advice:

Consider the task of looking for a job as it IS his current job. When my DH's company went out of business, he got dressed every day and spent the time he would normally be in the office job hunting. It kept him in the right mindset and moving forward. He used this time to search the internet, talk to recruiters and go to outplacement counseling. I think he got a new job much more quickly this way.

--Lois


"If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning" - Mahatma Ghandi
 
Lori,

Hugs to you and your husband. Being laid off is so hard even from a job you hate. The days after I was laid off I felt like I was free falling. I had the same reaction you did and instantly created every scenario of "bad" that could happen to us. My husband helped me by stopping me and saying, "we will do whatever we have to do and our family will be stronger for it." You have three months to plan and see what happens. So hard right now everytime you think of something negative that could happen think of somthing positive and write it down.

As a note EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW (seriously everyone) has been laid off. A friend of mine has been laid off 8 times. Maybe its the area we live it (NC Triangle area) but this is the way of the American workforce right now and your husband should feel no shame at all.

Also I can honestly say that being laid off three years ago is the very best thing that ever happened to me. I got another job which lead me to my dream job within a year of being laid off. Would never have happened if I wouldn't have been laid off because I would have stayed and suffered forever.

Strength to you and your husband during this tough time. I look forward to your update message when you can tell us how you came out of the other side of this smiling. :D
 
Thanks girls, he is keeping busy. His parents own a business that he hopes to take over someday so he is spending 9-5 there and his mother his teaching him the "ropes", then when she goes out of town,he can take over for her.He as also applied on 3 jobs.
He is doing really well now.No doubt it is the best thing that could have happened to him.His job was very go,go,go and he is still keeping himself busy.I think its just what he is use to.I am hoping he will learn to have a normal balance soon.
Lori:)
 
So sorry, Lori. He really is better off being laid off than quitting though. The severance package is important, and he will be eligible for unemployment insurance, which really helps alot. So, you see, it probably all turned out for the best.

I know it's hard not to worry at a time like this, but I want to share something with you: every single time I have been let go from a job (several times), I always wound up in a better place. Every single time. Each time I worried, and each time I looked back and realized that I was glad it happened! Of course a little worry was good, because it got me into action, which of course is the purpose of worry. But please have faith that things will work out, because they usually do. Okay?

Best wishes,
Nancy
 
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