A bit much? (opinions)

[gidget1978]

On friday evening my brother and his family blow into town. While they are here, their car breaks down and they ask if they can take DH's truck home. That's fine and that's what they did. Now their broken down car is in my drive way.

Fastforward to last night. A friend of mine invited us to their house for dinner. We don't go there very often b/c she has 2 cats and DH's is allergic. But we decided to try it last night. We were just getting ready to go through the door and my SIL calls again. They are now in their 2nd car, broke down (again!) and wants DH to come and pick them up! Dinners ready to be served. I didn't even know what to say! What do you say? AND its not as if they are broken down 10-30 mins away....they are 2 HOURS away...and then 2 HOURS BACK!?
My SIL also has many colors to her. She isn't always that nice and let me tell you right now, she would not come and pick me up and take 4 hours out of her day.My brother would...but not her. We get along fine now but its only b/c we don't see each other very often. I haven't invited her to stay at my house since she was there about 2 yrs ago for the night, went out with her friends for supper, left me with all of her kids (who are old enough to take care of themselves), feeds herself, doesn't bring anything home for anyone else, gets up in the morning and does the same exact thing. Except I have a baby and I have to feed 3 other kids while she is gone shopping.

So when DH ask her last night if she can wait until we are done eating she says "no, not really". I think that's what ticked DH off. If she had been nice about it he would have went and picked them up after dinner.
Anyway...I spent half of the night wondering if we did the right thing. Why do I feel as if when someone ask me to do something, it is now my problem? Of course they made it home. I think we were their first choice b/c they knew DH would do it. She didn't even call her own sister who lives 5 mins from me and then gives US attitude? She probably won't even speak to us for weeks now! LOL

Lori

 

[Govtgirl]

Yes, WAY TOO MUCH.

I am going to be super-blunt: this whole situation is extremely unfair to your husband. He and your children should come first, not your brother and his silly wife. And it was extremely gracious of him to let your brother borrow his truck, unless of course he was bullied or guilted into it.

This is my scenario for what a better option would have been:

• Car breaks down.....You insist your brother call a tow truck and have his car hauled off your propery to get fixed pronto;
• Only if it's within a few miles, you drive them where they need to go. Or, they take a cab. Your place is home with your husband and kids.
• Their car breaks down 2 hours away, you are on the phone with your brother, your husband is NOT subjected to talking to them. You tell them to call AAA or a tow truck.
• You stay home with your husband and kids and sleep like a baby.

If the situation were reversed, and you were being asked to ditch your family and drive 2 hours to pick up your husband's brother while a broken car was sitting in your driveway, I do imagine you'd be screaming like a mashed monkey.

Sorry, this whole situation is just beyond the pale to me..... I'd be apologizing all over the place to my husband for subjecting him and the kids to all this drama, and I'd let him know that from now on, HE and the kids are A-number-One FIRST in your house.

 

[Jane A]

Lori,

Sorry but you're wrong. It's not a bit much -- it's WAY TOO MUCH!

Don't feel guilty about setting up rules and boundaries. You and your family must be the priority in your life.

You must be a very sweet person to put up with as much as you did.

 

[gidget1978]

Its nice to know you think we made the right choice.

On another note, I didn't subject him to it or ask him. I was putting the baby in his car seat and she called his cell phone. Not the house...not mine...his....b/c I think she thought he would do it. DH said "don't you think thats a bit much to ask"? Of course I agreed and I didn't know what else to say b/c I was dumbfounded. Shortly after we got to our friends house he wouldn't have been able to drive anyway cause he downed two drinks in no time

Lori

 

[dixiedog6]

I'm glad you said no. I have a family memeber like yours and I'm setting boundaries now too. If you keep saying yes, it just escalates. Good for you!!!

 

[RapidBreath]

Call her a cab.

 

[JeanneMarie]

Toxic people can only affect you if you let them.

It sounds like it's way past time for you to stop letting them into your brain and your life! It is your decision, plain and simple.

 

[zoesmom]

On friday evening my brother and his family blow into town. While they are here, their car breaks down and they ask if they can take DH's truck home. That's fine and that's what they did. Now their broken down car is in my drive way.

Fastforward to last night. A friend of mine invited us to their house for dinner. We don't go there very often b/c she has 2 cats and DH's is allergic. But we decided to try it last night. We were just getting ready to go through the door and my SIL calls again. They are now in their 2nd car, broke down (again!) and wants DH to come and pick them up! Dinners ready to be served. I didn't even know what to say! What do you say? AND its not as if they are broken down 10-30 mins away....they are 2 HOURS away...and then 2 HOURS BACK!?
My SIL also has many colors to her. She isn't always that nice and let me tell you right now, she would not come and pick me up and take 4 hours out of her day.My brother would...but not her. We get along fine now but its only b/c we don't see each other very often. I haven't invited her to stay at my house since she was there about 2 yrs ago for the night, went out with her friends for supper, left me with all of her kids (who are old enough to take care of themselves), feeds herself, doesn't bring anything home for anyone else, gets up in the morning and does the same exact thing. Except I have a baby and I have to feed 3 other kids while she is gone shopping.

So when DH ask her last night if she can wait until we are done eating she says "no, not really". I think that's what ticked DH off. If she had been nice about it he would have went and picked them up after dinner.
Anyway...I spent half of the night wondering if we did the right thing. Why do I feel as if when someone ask me to do something, it is now my problem? Of course they made it home. I think we were their first choice b/c they knew DH would do it. She didn't even call her own sister who lives 5 mins from me and then gives US attitude? She probably won't even speak to us for weeks now! LOL

Lori

You did the right thing!! That sounds like a bonus in your favor that she's not talking to you..