3rd baby? maybe?

[fargomom]

I'm not pregnant ... ha ... but just wanted to pose a question. Has anyone else had a 3rd baby? What are your thoughts?

My DH and I (and in particular ME) have really been leaning toward having another baby (already have two). I'm just curious about other women who have been in the same boat as I am ... what made you decide? Of course, if you have the 3rd baby you couldn't see it any other way, but are there any frustrations or downsides or things you didn't think of when you were pregnant with 3rd baby?

I'm already 85-90% decided ... in favor of having another, but it's fun to hear what other women think. I hope I'm not too weird in asking this.

 

[jodijodi]

I don't usually hang around in this forum, since I'm done having kids, but I saw your post in the "new posts", and thought I'd put in my two cents.

You don't say how old your other children are, and that's something to take into consideration, of course, but the biggest change with a third child is that you move from a "man to man" defense (so to speak ) to a "zone" defense. Instead of you and your DH each taking a kid when necessary (like if someone gets sick or needs a time out), you have to divide and conquer as best as possible. Most of the time this isn't a problem, and if your older kids are a lot older it's a bit easier, but things can get pretty crazy sometimes.

A disadvantage to having a third kid, especially if they are further apart (my oldest and youngest are 7 years apart) is that sometimes someone gets left out. The older two sometimes group together, or the younger two, and it's difficult to make everyone happy at one time, especially with such different interests. #1 certainly doesn't want to watch Dora, and #3 is a little young for some older kids' shows, etc. And kid #1 begins to resent having to cave to the little one's demands all the time. (We're facing a lot of that now.) Then little one has a tantrum when she doesn't get her way, etc.

Having 3 kids in 3 different schools this year is proving to be a bit challenging this year too...I figured out that when little one finishes pre-k, I will have spent 10 years at our preschool. Yikes!

But having said all of that, there will always be challenges no matter how your family is configured. The advantages of having three include having built-in playmates, and the older kids are definitely richer for having a little sibling. The oldest especially has been sooo helpful with her little sister, and I think it has given her a good view of what having a baby is really like and how much work it is. (Hopefully she will remember that as she heads into her teen years!!) She is a great babysitter!

It's hard to explain, but it's fun to have a "crowd" around, even though it's a lot of work. They all learn a lot from each other. In general, I think that if you're nearly convinced that you want to do it, then you should do it. You can handle it!

Hope that helps...I don't think it's a weird question at all!

 

[melanalyus]

The more the merrier? Isn't that what they say? Ha Ha

 

[fargomom]

My dd just turned 4 and ds turned 1 in June. My "plan" is to start trying next summer so our 3rd child is spaced about the same, just about 3 years apart.

Thank u for the responses so far! ... especially to "jodijodi." I laughed about your "zone" defense description. I've heard other moms of 3 mention something similar, like how you go from having 2 kids, one for each hand. It sounds like if I were to get pregnant next summer that my kids would be similiar to yours, agewise, and that a lot of what you described would soon be my life. haha ...

I don't know though ... I just feel more and more like I'm not "done" yet. There are days where I feel like I should be done now though, boy oh boy, but you don't quit a job on a bad day and how can I decide to not have another baby just because my other kids are driving me crazy??? Or should I say CRAZY?!?! haha ... I think if that were the case we would have just stopped at 1 child.

Any other thoughts from same posters or new people - feel free to throw 'em my way!! Thanks.

 

[Stephanie0523]

Hi Kara--
I think it's just a leap of faith. Your heart will tell you guys if this is what you want (though your head may try to talk you out of it sometimes!). I'm pregnant with #3 boy due in a little over three weeks. This past week, I've been freaking out a bit about the imbalance of power that is going to occur, but DH and I really wanted 3 from the get-go. If I had the patience, I'd have 5. I want my house filled with kids/grandkids for years and years to come.

One thing that calms my fears is knowing that my little guy, who's 3 will have his big brother to pal around with while I'm busy with the newborn. I spent the first several months of my youngest son's life feeling SO guilty because I felt like I was "cheating" on my first child, who until the second was born, had been the center of our universe. I think/hope I'll not have those same feelings again and will be able to enjoy those first months of family bonding! I've heard lots of women say going from two to three is easier than going from one to two for that reason...

Good luck!!

 

[intensityjunkie]

I agree with Stephanie in that the two older will have eachother this time around when you have your hands full. I felt so bad for my oldest when his little brother was born. I was so drained and I couldn't do as much with him as before. This time he has his brother and they are stuck on eachother like glue playing constantly so I'm not as worried about it being hard on them. I know they'll want to help too and I'll let them for what they can do. Most people who have very many kids say it gets easier as you go cause the older ones help out so much and are a lot more independant. I don't know what I'd do if I had 3 under 4 years old though. my mom did that with me and my two younger brothers. I have an older brother too. But if you do have them very close they may be closer due to age.
I think 3 kids sounds like a well rounded size family ha. Well I'm going to have 3 in April so I'd better like it

 

[jodijodi]

ITA with Stephanie...what you feel in your heart will tell you what to do. It sounds to me like you should go for it. With all three of our kids we pretty much just went with how we felt as far as the timing, and it has worked out great.

Now I feel like our family is complete, and we don't plan to have any more. (But I do admit that lately I've had the urge to hold some of the cute little babies I've seen. But not enough to want another one!)

It is definitely easier to go from 2 to 3 than from 1 to 2. It's so much easier to let the little stuff go, and you already know how to handle the first few months better after having done it a couple of times. And the two older kids do have each other. They are also more used to "sharing" their parents. I have to give my kids a lot of credit...we've never had any jealousy issues as far as that goes. They have always been very understanding about how sometimes one kid needs more Mom time than another.

 

[farrahalex]

I'm pg with my third about 10 weeks. I have one 4 and 1. I knew I wanted a third and I wanted my next one to be closer in age. I didn't want to wait 3 year like before. I'll have a 5, 2 and newborn. I two younger ones I assume will gang up on the older one but she is a firey red head and can hold her on. I always heard if you can raise two you can raise three. I think I might try to have a fourth too. I think having an even number a kids might be better. Don't hold me to that though.

Farrah