10 years gone........long post..

endorphin_junkie

endorphin_junkie

Cathlete
Ten years ago today life as I had known it for 12 glorious years ceased with my husband's last breath. The internal implosion of grief was all consuming but the reality of three daughters (3, 6 and 8) who needed comfort in their loss, not to mention to be fed and clothed, demanded that I soldier on. I had so much external support and love which helped release and soften some of the sorrow, fear, anger and confusion but internally I was an aimless whirling dervish. So much directionless energy...how to spend it. Early one sleepless morning I found myself pulling out an old rowing machine and putting in 300 strokes,....felt so hard but I got through it. I did this daily and realised it's power one day when I found myself seething the word 'rage' with every pull. I stopped and cried and felt an amazing release. I pulled out some old Charlene Prickett step videos and got back into that but was yearning for more....I wasn't sure what but I knew I wanted to work harder. I joined a gym and found fitness and community which was one of my first steps in building a 'new normal'. As my body got stronger my resolve did as well, I decided to go back to school, moved my family to a new city and hit the books for 2 1/2 years, more 'new normal'. One night I searched the internet for 'advanced fitness videos'.....guess where I landed??? CATHE OF COURSE!! It took me a few weeks to realise what a 'forum' was and I started reading posts from Kathryn, Aquajock, Honeybunch, DebbieH, StepEdith, Gettinfit@39, and I was thrilled to have 'found MY PEOPLE!!!' It took a while before I was brave enough to register and post but WOW, my first post got responses and gave me such a rush of connection as I read and nodded my head. Cathe and this forum have been a huge part of my 'new normal', the players and posters change but the spirit of sharing and support remains. I love this place and the cast of characters that have woven their way into my mind and heart! I am going to celebrate my wonderful 'new normal' with my first go at HIS....I will always miss my husband but losing him made me stretch myself and come to know Laurie in ways I never would have known without the loss. He came into my life, gave me 3 fabulous daughters and asked for nothing in return. I am strong, capable and at peace. What more could I ask for. Every morning I get my coffee and banana an settle in my computer chair to see what's been up on the forums. You all are my 'new normal'...and abnormal at times ;) I've laughed, cried and learned so much from my time at Cathe.com!! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for sharing your love, knowledge and support from across the screen :* :*

Take Care
Laurie
 
Oh, Laurie. I've got goosebumps and tears as I sit here reading this post! I am SO proud of you, for working thru these past few years. The way you've stepped up! I wish I could give you a big ol' hug right now!!!!! I know how hard it has been for you!

(I don't want to cut into your wonderful post by making MY post about ME...but)...I just hit the 3 year mark on Sept 25th since my DH passed away. Like you, he gave me 2 wonderful children (although he DID ask for much in return, lol). I stepped back into fitness just after he was diagnosed, and haven't looked back. His passing has COMPLETELY changed the type of person I am today.

On the 3 year mark, something in me CLICKED! Something looked and felt different. I had been using his passing as an EXCUSE for many things, and I did not realize it until that very day...that very day that marked the end of my family that I new just 3 years prior. I cannot explain it. I resolved on Sept 30, 2007 to NOT EVER use his passing as an excuse for ANYTHING ANYMORE!!! Sounds like you've done the SAME!!!!

You are a WARRIOR, lady!!!! Cyber HUGS coming at you all day long!

Thanks for sharing your post also!

Gayle
 
Laurie...I have not suffered that kind of devastating loss. I know over the years from reading your posts how there are many tough times. You are an incredible woman to have pulled through this the way you have,and I am so happy you have come to Cathe!! Exercise has brought most of us here...seems we all have much in common. I do just the same with my coffee every morning to see what is going on here! I know you have helped many people on this forum with your caring words. You are very special to a lot of us....Thank you for this beautiful post...:)
 
Laurie,

I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry for your loss, but am so glad that you were able to find what you needed to not only go on, but to thrive. Wow, what a very strong woman you are (and I mean that in every sense of the word.)

I'm glad I've gotten the chance to "meet" you. As well as being funny, warm, and kind, you are also an inspiration.


{{{HUGS}}}} (and a few tears!),
 
Laurie and Gayle - you ROCK! Both of YOU are such inspirations to all of us. May your "normal" continue to inspire and strengthen as our beloved Cathe world does for you. BTW - I don't think your post should be captioned 10 years gone - but rather 10 years FOUND. Bless you ladies.

Lorrie

www.picturetrail.com/lsass
 
I just wanted to give you hugs also. Your post made me give thanks for what I have and not want to take anything for granted. I'm glad to have found the forum and all the people on it.
LD
 
Gayle, knowing that you 'know' has been a comfort to me also. Their passing is definitely not an excuse, in many ways it's been a blessing. John's fate was sealed whether I knew him or not. Like they say, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.:)

Robin, your year with Greyor has been inspiring, he's such a lucky boy. I think of your 'worry is a waste of imagination' quote often these days. Brilliant!

Carole, I raise and clink my mug of black coffee to you Cheetah Girlfriend! So glad to know you!

Lainie, wonderful that you've joined us here. You're kindness, humour and generosity adds so much to the forum!

TeTe, I love reading your intelligent, thought provoking posts and you inspired me to learn more about Dorothy Parker...nice ripple!!

Thanks Lorrie, I think you're right, 10 years found is a better fit.:)

LD, thanks for the hug and gratitude for what you have. It's a fragile and beautiful life!

Thanks Delfin :)

Today is a GREAT DAY!!!

Take Care
Laurie:)
 
This post sent chills up and down my spine!!! This is exactly the reason I love being a member here!! I have not suffered the type of devastating loss as you, but I am well aware of the power of exercise and its life changing effects.

Posts like this make me glad that I am going to become a fitness teacher, thank you so much for sharing this remarkable story with all of us.

Stay strong!!

Jerry
 
Thank you Laurie for your thoughtful post. You are a wonderful, strong, strong woman, I admire you.
 
Laurie, what a bittersweat time this must be for you: the anniversary of such a terrible loss, but the realization that life goes on, and the celebration of reclaiming life and 'new normal'.

I'm honored to have played some role in your discovery of a 'new normal' existance.

Thank YOU for being a part of this forum, and for sharing your story.
 
Oh Laurie...what an incredibly inspiring post. (((HUGS))) to you(and your daughters) on your loss and wishes of happiness as you continue on your journey into the 'new normal'
 
Laurie, I wish I had more time to reply. Before I jet off for the day, I wanted to let you know that I loved your post, you left me feeling inspired, and I'm so thankful to have met you on these forums. One day we WILL meet in real life.

All the very best,
Sandra
 
Laurie, I was moved to tears by your post. It took real guts and courage to make those choices and then to see them through! You remind me of a general who skillfully planned a strategy for success in battle. Your example serves as a testament to what fighting the good fight and never giving up will do for you. Bravo for you!!! I feel very lucky to "know" you and I'm sure your DH is smiling upon you.
 
Jerry, with your passion for fitness and love of intensity you will make a great fitness teacher!!

Thanks tneah:)

Kathryn, I love your typo (don't often see that in your posts;)) 'bittersweat' is definitely applicable here, it's an IMAX3 thing :D. Surprisingly this year is much more sweet than bitter which has so much to do with setting goals and achieving them. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and passion for wellness with us.

Pippa, I'll pass those hugs on to my Girls for sure!

SANDRA!!:) I look forward to the day when we meet face to face. Dang!! This country is just too gosh darn big!

((Michele)) your kindness and no nonsense approach adds so much here. I know the day is coming when you'll be lovin' cardio as much as I do;-) :+

Tina, thanks! I know that one day we will both find men worthy of how wonderful we are:7

Take Care
Laurie:)
 
WOW Laurie. Your post practically brought me to tears. (((HUGS))) to my fellow Cheetah!:)

You have come a long way and endured so much in your life. You are such a strong and vibrant woman with 3 beautiful daughters. Your posts always make me smile...well, except for this one which almost made me cry!:p

Even though he is not here to say it in person, I am sure that you make your beloved late DH proud every single day that he chose you to be his wife and the mother of his children!

Bless your heart!
 
Laurie,
Just want to respectfully acknowledge the 10-year anniversary of DH's passing and send my hugs & support to a *phenomenal* woman whose friendship is much appreciated!

Love ya!
[font face="heather" font color=brick red size=+2]~Cathy [/font face] http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/wavesmile.gif
"Out on the roads there is fitness and self-discovery and the persons we were destined to be." -George Sheehan
 
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