over a guy---need confidence boost

[LauraMax]

I'm agreeing w/everything that's said here. Sometimes people say stupid stuff they don't mean, but this is more about your feelings than your cat.

And I just HAVE to add, Jasmin, you're not the one who should be apologizing. If he'd just said "jeez I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that" this thread wouldn't even be on the forum (not that I mind it being on the forum, I'm just sayin' ).

 

[cataddict]

Giving out advice like (and this is just an example, not a quote) "If he doesn't understand your love for your animals, he's not worth it", etc... is dangerous advice.

I think "dangerous" is perhaps a bit dramatic of a term under these circumstances. It's not a matter of life or death, it's just a guy, after all. TONGUE FIRMLY IN CHEEK!

I believe that most of us agree that 1) people say stupid things that they don't really mean when they don't know what to say and just because we are all human; 2) people say stupid things that they really mean and that's the way they really feel; 3) you need to determine which is the case in your situation.

People absolutely can and do change, but it is a result of their own efforts, not because of what we do or say to them. JMHO. That's the psychologist in me.

Good luck, Jasmin416---and I love your kitty avatar!

 

[Liann]

I think "dangerous" is perhaps a bit dramatic of a term under these circumstances. It's not a matter of life or death, it's just a guy, after all. TONGUE FIRMLY IN CHEEK!

I believe that most of us agree that 1) people say stupid things that they don't really mean when they don't know what to say and just because we are all human; 2) people say stupid things that they really mean and that's the way they really feel; 3) you need to determine which is the case in your situation.

People absolutely can and do change, but it is a result of their own efforts, not because of what we do or say to them. JMHO. That's the psychologist in me.

Good luck, Jasmin416---and I love your kitty avatar!

Lol, I was saying it casually, didn't mean to make it sound dramatic! Just pointing out that some people might take advice from well meaning people here and actually go out and dump someone because of it. And while the advice may have been well intentioned, the truth is that none of us know squat about the various personal situations that are posted here from time to time. We aren't qualified to tell someone to cut and run. And we are definitely not qualified to say what the man's motivation or heart condition is. All we can do is offer support. Handing out advice without all the facts can be "harmful".

 

[cataddict]

Handing out advice without all the facts can be "harmful".

ITA. We've seen that happen here a number of times.

 

[Hermia]

Eh...sometimes guys have really lame/crass senses of humor, and I think often making a joke is a defense mechanism for them when they're not sure how to handle a situation, such as the grief and worry of someone they don't really know that well. Could be something like that, or maybe his is dismissive, but I hope not. My bf knows how much I love my fur princess and likes to tease me by calling her an ugly cat. That's his standard joke, but every now and then he'll extend his imagination a bit and make a joke that *he* thinks is funny, but I think is in poor taste. I know he loves Hermia though, as he says so and plays with her all the time. I know too, if she were ever missing, he'd do everything he could to find her.

I think in any relationship,even one that's "meant to be",there's an awkward time while you are figuring someone out. Of course, if it's not meant to be, you just realize they're a bad fit for you.

 

[kryptychyck]

Thanks for all the advice ladies. In an email from him he told me that he is an animal lover and would never want for my cat to be lost and he had been asking repeatedly prior to this incident if I found the cat and even suggested I get a friendly animal trap. I think it was a bad joke and I am definitely aware of how he was dismissive towards my feelings at first but then apologized. It is food for thought. Since this is new I am going to give it more time to understand this guy.

However, don't think for a minute that I didn't accept a date with someone else this week just to get my focus off this guy. Feeling much better now.

Good for you!!!! Have fun on the date too!!!