Why is this considered o.k.??

I

Imafitnessfreak

Cathlete
Wendy's post really has me thinking about this again...it's something that has always boggled my mind...why is it o.k. to suggest to someone that they appear "too thin"? I've had people suggest that to me, like they are concerned about my health!

But if I were to suggest to someone that they looked too fat, or that my husband said they were looking a bit "on the too fat side", that is just totally unacceptable and we would be asked to leave the party!

So why is it that people think it's o.k. to suggest to someone they look too thin??
 
I am beginning to believe that these days it is okay in society's eyes to be rude. People curse in public. They walk around half naked. People call others after 10 pm at night. They invite themselves over without first calling. People stick their fingers in dishes at a buffet. Do you see what I am getting at? Manners and self control are beginning to disappear. The "too thin" comments really don't suprise me in this environment.

I am not blaming parents either. I along with most of the people I know were raised differently and do know better. Most choose not to act appropriately.

I pray that people will spread the word and begin to put this behavior in check. I believe I would react, "I am sorry that you feel that way, however, I really did not ask for your opinion."

Baffle them with kindness!

Melissa
 
I agree with Melissa...baffle them with kindness! We need more of it anyway. People's opinions only matter if you decide to believe them. What other do, say, etc. is not about you...it is about their own perceptions which are clouded by filters. Everything is a matter of perception. That is why "thin" to one person is not to another. Just believe what you want to believe and let the rest go.

j
 
On the face of it, neither scenario is acceptable but then, I think it depends entirely on how the topic is broached. If you truly care about the person and are concerned for their well being, that is one thing. On the other hand, I know a lot of women will throw out the "you're too thin" card when they are jealous, or if they wish that they were a little thinner themselves. Generally, people who are either too thin or too fat usually know it and don't need anyone to comment on it.
 
Sarah, sadly I think that is the culture we live in, especially with the super thin hollywood crowd being pasted everwhere we look. It just seems like a description more people would rather be than the alternative. I find it also to be that it is also a function of a society uneducated about health/fitness. I am in no way saying this is acceptable, because it is totally not, especially to those of us on here that take it upon ourselves to really educate ourselves otherwise. I hope things come around eventually where both extremes are seen as dangerous & unhealthy, not to mention completely rude to blurt out to someone.



“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.” --Ellen Degeneres
 
I agree with Melissa about it being part of the culture of rudeness. I think it's also part of the culture of self-absorption wherein people truly believe their opinions are that important. My mom stopped dyeing her hair - it's pretty and long and grey - and she actually had some guy march up to her and say, "you know if you dyed your hair it would look a lot better." Can you imagine?!

Sparrow


Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
Sarah,

I agree with you totally. My DD and I were eating at Baker's Square the other day. We ordered a sandwich and fruit. We were thinking about ordering pie for dessert but decided we were full. The waitress came over with the bill and said "Oh I will just give you the bill since you probably don't want dessert and so I won't even ask you." My DD and I couldn't believe it as it sounded really weird. Does she say to the very over weight people in there that day that maybe they want two pieces of pie? Also, so tired of people saying to me "why do you exercise, you don't need to!

Joanne
 
I totally agree with Melissa.

People just take EVERYTHING for granted. People talk on the cellphones in church, the movies, restaurants, libraries, with no hesitation, like it is OK.

Manners in America are drastically on the decline. It is just not OK for any of the above, nor OK for the list in Melissa's initial thread. But unfortunately, manners, especially with the young ppl, are taught initially at home. And that is the main culprit, here.
 
Jo-Jo:

I was going to ask you this at the next meating, but I'll ask it now:

Why do you excercise, you don't need to!

Just kidding. What I was really going to ask you is if you wanted a piece of pie, but then I figured you wouldn't anyway.

Again, kidding.

Seriously, Jo - I bet you can chalk it all up to jealousy and envy.

Do people ever stop to think that maybe the reason why you look thin is BECAUSE you exercise??

Sheesh!!

(Edited to fix spelling errors. Hope I caught 'em all!)
 
Sarah I certainly understand what you are saying...This bothers me as well.

Like Michelle said, there is a point where a person can look sickly thin and then maybe I see saying something to that person out of concern. But for a person to just give you an opinion...especially when you did not ask for it, just blows my mind!


http://www.GlitterMaker.com/created2/115136261988192.gif[/IMG][/URL]
(fitxme)
http://www.picturetrail.com/fitxme
 
To be honest, if I had a really close friend and felt she was becoming too thin (to the point of jeopardizing her health), I would sit down and express my concern to her. I would not, however, tell a total stranger I thought they were either too fat or too thin. Also, family members have to walk a fine line. They are used to seeing you a certain way and anything that differs from that upsets them--too fat, too thin, new hairdo, etc. etc. And for some reason, family feels fine telling you exactly what they think you "should" look like. I have family members that tell me I shouldn't lose any more weight...I'm getting too thin (at 150 pounds!) Then, the next time they see me, they tell me I've put on a couple pounds! I'm still working on good "shut 'em up" comebacks for both of these comments! Suggestions are welcome!
 
I don't get this either. I find it incredibly rude but what bothers me the most is my own reaction--I find myself getting defensive & feeling like I have to explain the way I look. Why do I have to say "I'm not too thin, I exercise a lot & watch my diet but I look & feel crappy if I gain weight?" Really, it's none of their freakin business! (hey, maybe that's how we should answer?)

I mean, why is it that just b/c you can see someone's muscles they're "too thin" & not "in good shape?" x(
 
Well, I think it's part of two trends: 1) the Western obsession with looks and 2) the inability of the average person to make intelligent small talk. I really think people say stupid things because their minds have mostly been emptied of original thought.

Marie
 
I have had the "you're too thin" comment a few times in my life, but funnier yet are the people who comment on how I *MUST* be anorexic/bulemic or otherwise "obsessed" with my body, since I work out so much. Yeah...that's it. RIGHT! In my mind, these are people who WISH they had the discipline to work out 5-6 days a week and the only thing they can do to make themselves feel better about their laziness is to criticize me for being healthy and disciplined! I hate to admit it, but that makes me so mad, usually because it is friends who will say it. Needless to say, those "friendships" generally don't last long.

Dianna

http://www.picturetrail.com/Luv2WorkHard
 
The people who make these comments obviously don't know the difference between being "too thin" as in Nichole Richey (sp?) and being fit as in Imafitnessfreak. Isn't it sad that some people can't recognize a muscle when they see it? Then to top it off, they have to verbalize their stupidity by making rude comments!!! I hope that by working hard someday someone will comment on my being too thin. It hasn't happened yetx( !!
 
It's comments from friends and family...I've never received anything from a perfect stranger...he'd/she'd be hurtin' if they dared!:p

Like someone mentioned above...they say "you don't need to lose another pound" and then 2 weeks later say "you gained a few"...Are they trying to be hurtful? Are some people so freaking jaded that they don't even realize the words out of their mouth may sting?

Regardless of how true or untrue the words are...it's the very fact that they so comfortably allow insulting words to come out of their mouth is hurtful...and not so much the actual words that cause the harm! Aren't these friends and family supposed to be loving and supportive? No wonder I don't rush home for the Holidays!!!;-)
 
Sarah,

Your last comment makes me think of Hollywood. A good example is Nicole Richie. It used to be that she was blasted for being fat. So she loses all that weight and now they blast her for being too skinny. It seems like they do that with all those stars. No wonder they're so screwed up with their weight!

Suz

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

http://www.picturetrail.com/dogs2birds
 
O.K., Suz, now you bring up an even more interesting thing...the media and what they call "too fat", "too skinny" or "too freaking hot"! My example...turn on E! or VH1 and you will see a one hour special about all these "too skinny" actresses and the amazing pressure to be bone thin in Hollywood and the dangerous things these women do to secure their career. The very next week, these exact same women are being featured in "50 Hottest Bodies in Hollywood"!!!

Makes my brain hurt!
 
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