Should kids be forced to take Piano lessons?

M

motherofsix

Cathlete
Hello Everyone,
I don't post very often, but I need some help from all you wonderful people. My four boys have been taking piano lessons for the last year. They are ages 7, 10, 13, and 16. They are doing well, but they hate them. I am constantly having to tell them to practice. I just feel like I am the bad guy. The stress is really getting to me. I home school them also.
Could some of you who have taken piano lessons as children give me your input? Do you still play? Did you ever get to a point that you liked to practice? Will all this hassle and stress pay off somewhere down the line? And the fact that this is costing money that could be used elsewhere is also causing a bit of stress.
I just don't know what to do. I would truly appreciate any and all advice. I am feeling very overwhelmed.
Thanks and God bless,
Heather
 
1. Mother forced me to take lessons.
2. I also hated it.
3. I never practiced unless she yelled and screamed.
4. My piano teacher had a stroke (literally, sad!) and my Mother decided to discontinue the lessons after that.
5. I have not played since childhood.

I am not a parent so I cannot advise you on that level. HTH anyway!
 
I approached it a little differently. I did want my daughter to play a musical instrument. But I asked her what she wanted to play - gave her some input. My only requirement was that it was an actual instrument. She chose the guitar, which ended up morphing into voice lessons and now she is in her high school musical and having the time of her life.

That being said... I played the clarinet, and I hated practicing, and I hated the lessons, until I started getting decent. I switched to saxophone, got better and ended up majoring in music in college. The music they make you play when you're starting is BORING!
 
My parents never forced any instruments on me or my siblings (I have six brothers and sisters). I played the flute for 3 years and when it got to the point where my mother had to force me to practice, we both decided to give the flute playing a break. I also took piano lessons for about 6 months but hated it so much. My mother never pushed. The first time I complained about playing piano she asked me to try a little bit longer, and I did, but still hated it. After six months piano lessons were history.

The more you force something on a child (or anyone!) the more likely they are to hate it. Just check the "disgusting food" thread to see how many foods so many of us hate because we were forced to eat them as a child. I wouldn't force your boys to continue piano lessons. I just don't think it's worth it.

Allison
 
I agree with Allison. My daughter is taking piano lessons right now. She is 10 and started this past February. She came to me and asked about taking lessons. I never forced them on her. My son is not interested in lessons. So, I don't make him. I never have to get on her to practice or anything. She loves to do it and when she decides she doesn't love it anymore she can stop taking the lessons. I hope this helps. Good luck with your decision.
 
I took them as a kid because I wanted to take them but my grandmother would always bug me to practice and it took the fun out of it. If they totally hate it, don't put them (and yourself) through the torture. If they truly love what they're doing, they'll want to practice and not have to be nagged about it. I only have an electronic keyboard now and play every so often because I want to and it makes me feel good to play, not because I have to.

Marcy
 
{{{{{Heather}}}}}

I feel your pain! I do!!! I homeschool my three youngest; all girls.

When my oldest dd was 4, she begged me to play the piano. After praying for a used piano we could afford, God gave us what we wanted. I really should be careful with my prayers, and prayed for wisdom instead. LOLOLOLOL

Anyhow, a close friend offered to teach dd piano. After 6 months, my daughter HATED the piano. At that age, I was more concerned with developing a love for music than a skill for playing an instrument. So, I bought Pianimals for her to use on her own. My daughter played the songs from Pianimals until we got rid of the piano last spring.

Fast forward three years. My eldest dd is 7, and asks to play the harp. Of all freaking things, a harp!!!! We had a LONG discussion about starting piano again before learning another instrument. We researched harps. Had another LONG discussion upon discovering their costs. We ended up getting one instead of pusuring piano lessons since a piano is like a horizontal harp. She could still learn music theory and understand piano. She also played the sheet music in Pianimals on her harp.

Anyhow, she is more in love with the idea of playing it than actually playing it! I still make her practice. She's 10 years old now. I don't worry about crushing her love for music at this age. She's not a tender preschooler anymore. She has to learn that anything worth learning is worth pursuing; even if she doesn't feel like it.

Yes, she learns more if I sit with her. Sometimes, I don't have an hour a day to sit with her. Sometimes, I'll have her practice in 15 minute increments throughout the day. Sometimes, I'll sit with her if I have the time and energy.

Also, there have been times when she hasn't practiced ALL week! What an embarrassment it is at the following music lesson. But, I look at it like this: The music lesson got her back on track with a dose of humility.

I've heard grown-ups complain that their parents never made them practice, and they wished they had. I hardly ever hear about children who wished they hadn't of learned how to play.

Now, that doesn't mean that you should make your dc continue with piano. Most of them are old enough to know which instrument they would want to play if they had a choice. If they don't have a choice financially, then piano is ALWAYS a good jumping off point towards learning another instrument when it is financially feasible. How much is enough is a personal decision to be made by you and their father.

Also, if you were to ask my best friend, who has her masters in piano, she would encourage you with research studies done on adults who learned how to play an instrument compared to those who hadn't. But, being a homeschooler, she understands the added demands.

I guess you could ask yourself if this is about music issue or a work ethic issue. Is the teacher making unrealistic demands? Or moving too fast for the time you want to invest? What are your goals? Is it to read and play a piece for others? For God's glory; church, missions work? To give others comfort during times of grief at a funeral? To rejoice with others during joyous occassions at family get-togethers, weddings, parties? Have your boys achieved them? What are your boy's passions? Do they want to further their education in music?

And, there's nothing wrong with taking time off or cutting back lessons. We're taking two months off harp, viola, and cello. I know they will be rusty when they pick it back up. I don't care. It is what it is. :7

Best wishes!
Wendy
 
>I've heard grown-ups complain that their parents never made
>them practice, and they wished they had. I hardly ever hear
>about children who wished they hadn't of learned how to play.



I couldn't have said this better myself. I don't really have any advice but I will say, I took piano for about two years when I was a child. I gave it up because after about 10 months-a year I HATED it. I stuck it out for another year but my heart wasn't in it. Now, I ABSOLUTELY wish my parents never would have let me quit. I really regret having given up on it.

Often, parents have more foresight then children. You need to use that ability to try and make the best decision for your children now. Personally, I really regret that my parents didn't *make* me continue my lessons. I ultimately would have thanked them for it.
 
Hi Heather. I have two children, both of which started taking piano lessons at age 5. They both complained on a regular basis. At age 9, my son started giving me a hard time about taking lessons and practicing. I told him if he wanted to quit piano, he would have to choose another instrument. He picked guitar, stuck with that for a year and then started taking saxophone lessons which he really enjoys and has been at it for 3 years. My daughter has complained over the years about taking piano lessons and practicing. I gave her the same option of switching instruments and she stuck with the piano. She is now 13 and what keeps her interested is that her teacher also has her choose one of her pieces. It could be anything she wants. Now when she plays My Heart Will Go On or 100 Years by Five for Fighting for her friends she feels really good about herself because she is playing something that everyone recognizes. Maybe you can suggest to the piano teacher that they have a say in the pieces they are learning. If that doesn't work, would you consider have your kids switch to an instrument they have more interest.

Good Luck
 
I took piano lessons as a kid and hated it, too. (I broke the dreaded metronome by accident, and, looking back, maybe it was done subconsciously.) I was so glad when I could finally quit. I never looked back and said, "Oh I wish I could play piano." I realized that I had little, if any, musical talent, whereas I felt I had much more talent in other areas, so it made sense to give it up.

BTW, my 9-yr-old DD has just quit violin. She was just so not into it, whereas she's really into dance and is starting basketball soon. So I let her make the call.
 
My parents started me in the first grade. I loved it actually. I remember them reminding me to practice and I always did, sometimes I hated it, but I did it, and today I am actually pretty darn good and so glad I took that 9 years of lessons and stuck with it. I have a grand sitting in my living room that I play at least three times a month.:)

I like the idea of letting a child choose their instrument. If there is an inclination there for music it sticks and they will keep it up. I was given a choice between the piano and the violin. Glad I chose the piano, very grateful to my parents for the lessons.

Oh, and my three sisters were given the opportunity to take lessons, and none of them liked it. So every kid is different and will shine in different areas!:)
 
My two kids both started with piano two and a half years ago. At the end of the first year, my daughter decided she'd had enough. We encouraged her to pursue lessons in something else she liked, which was drawing and painting. My son decided to stick with piano. He is still playing, and as far as we can tell, intends to continue. My daughter has switched again to voice lessons and seems to really like them. We don't have too much trouble getting either of them to practice, maybe because we have given them input into the process.

Also, it was important to us to find music teachers who make it fun and low-pressure for the kids. One of the reasons we chose the place that we use is that their ad really emphasized making it a positive experience for the kids. All of our teachers have been very flexible, letting the kids choose some of their songs, moving on to new songs when the kids don't like the ones they're working on, letting them try different musical genres, and just making it as fun and interesting as it can be at a beginner level.

My husband's mother made all three of her children start with piano when they were young. Eventually his two siblings switched to other instruments. They didn't play much into their adult years, though. My husband stuck with the piano, and he still plays every night. He finds it relaxing and he loves performing in informal bands with friends and family. Like my son, he seems to have enjoyed playing from a young age and I think that is why he stuck with it. His two main teachers also provided him with a variety of musical styles for him to learn as well.

Good luck!
 
Hi Heather! I took lessons from 2nd until 5th grade, and I remember many conversations with my mom, wanting to quit. She wouldn't let me unless *I* personally told the teacher I wanted to quit. I was pretty good by the time I was 10, and then we moved. I didn't take it up again until I was 15 - by choice, I really missed it.

One huge difference the 2nd time around was the type of music the new teacher had me play: jazz, blues, ragtime ... I really loved it. 20+ years later and I wish my fingers still had those strong muscles. I hope to start again someday!
 
Actually - that's an excellent point - the teacher is a huge influence on how fun the lessons are. My DD14 wanted to quit guitar a few times, but loved her teacher so much she just couldn't. She finally did, but she has decent skills and still plays for fun.
 
I don't get it. Why are they taking piano lessons if they don't like it? I'm not a parent, so may be a bit naive in this department.
 
There are so many things kids have to do whether they like it or not, like go to school and brush their teeth. But when it comes to hobbies and leisure time, why not let them choose their interests?

When I was a kid I always wanted to stay inside and read, but my mother was always forcing me to go outside and "play" because it was "such a beautiful day". No wonder I love rainy days!
 
This is the response I agree 100% with.

My kids are schooled in the Ann Arbor School district in MI and I have to tell you that their music program is excellent, bar none. It is something to be proud of.

Playing an instrument is introduced to all kids in 5th grade. An instrument is selected for each child with input from the music teachers (can the kid actually produce a sound from the instrument? If not, another is tried) and the child him or herself (what appeals to you?).

I was amazed at the end of each year when my girls played in the end of year orchestra or band concert. So much was achieved! I was so proud.

At Middle school, the intensity steps up and weekly practice is expected and achieved in the majority of cases. Again, at the end of 6th grade the accomplishment is phenomenal. The kids in orchestra are tackling Mozart, etc and making a very pleasing sound with it. At this level alone, there are kids who are selected to play for the town and state in grade appropriate chamber orchestras, etc. Scholarships are won.

My eldest daughter swapped from violin to choir because she enjoyed it more and it helped her to continue appreciating music in a way she enjoyed. I was fine with that because she was still learning to read music and develop an ear for it. The choirs from Ann Arbor have won major competitions in Europe, yearly, the standard is that high. The teachers are excellent: friendly, approachable, demanding of your best effort and passionate about music. It resonates with the kids.

Now that she is in High School she is going to try the guitar and I'm happy to encourage it.

My youngest is now in 6th grade and doing well with the violin. She'll never be a Yehudi Menuin, but that's OK. She does something that makes people happy, that moves us. It is a talent. Later on, it is a talent that can help introduce her to new circles of people, give her a group to join when she starts High School or college. Music is a social phenomenon also. And I think also it boosts kids' self-esteem: even those who may not be fabulously academically gifted can excel at music, can revel in it and find pleasure in bringing pleasure to others.

The important thing is for your kids to understand that music is beneficial and that they are expected to learn an instrument or develop voice as their instrument. Which instrument they choose should be up to them, because it will seriously cut down on nagging and stress, as long as they can actually produce a sound from it.

Only when they have proven that music is not for them, and I would enforce it for 2 years before concluding this, would I let them swap it for either performing arts, ceramics, art of another kind. Because the human mind is about so much more than science and technology and we all need to be given a chance to develop the artistic side of our brains.

Who knows what might result?

Clare
 
I am a piano teacher. I hated, hated my lessons growing up for about the first 3 years. After that, I just had a light go on, and it started to become easier for me and really fun. I have found the same thing happens to my students. I also teach my own children, and I fight the same whining, crying battle everyday to get them to practice.

Now I may be flamed for saying this, and it is not because I am a teacher that I feel this way. It's because I am a parent. Here goes:

OF COURSE YOUR CHILD WILL HATE IT AT FIRST (OR FOR AWHILE LONGER). IT IS HARD!! IT REQUIRES A LOT OF TIME AND EFFORT, AND IT IS FRUSTRATING TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW. HOWEVER, AS A PARENT I KNOW THAT SOME THINGS ARE WORTH STICKING TO IN THE LONG RUN, AND SOME THINGS ARE JUST MANDATORY BECAUSE I SAY SO.

I don't see what it teaches a child to allow them to quit something because it is hard. We had a rule in my house about piano lessons since some of my siblings absolutely hated to play, but lessons were mandatory: once we could sit down and play every song in the church hymnal, we were allowed to quit lessons if we desired. I can't tell you how hard some of my brothers and sisters practiced just so they could play the hymnal and quit! But they learned to play and they all still do.

I think it is a battle worth fighting. I'm fighting myself, and there are days I really want to throw the lesson materials in the garbage and wash my hands of the whole thing, but I want my children to learn that part of growing up is doing things that are hard and that they don't enjoy, and also to learn to trust that some hard things have wonderful payoffs in time.
 
I took piano as a child and quit. My mom never really forced me to practice and I think that was the problem. As an adult I really wished I stuck with it or another insturment for that matter.
Kids don't know what they want and whats good for them! My vote is to keep them in lessons with some kind of insturment if it isn't piano.
 
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