Relationship with food.................

G

getnfit@38

Cathlete
Hi guys,

While reading and answering a post by Aquajock (scale haters unite) I realized that I still need a lot of work in regards my relationship with food. (this board is saving me millions of $ in therapy!)

I'm thinking that if I had to put it in words, my relationship with food is at a "coping with, but ignoring the major issues" stage. Like I know we (food and I) have to live together, it fuels my body for life and life's activities, but I don't confront it (food). Like I don't really look at why I still eat some of the wasted calories that I eat. Even if I ask myself, "what's going on with you, what are you feeling right now?" as I eat a pint of ice cream, heck, I'm answering myself while still eating the ice cream!
So how do you get yourself to the place that you don't turn to food for the answer to making you feel better? I exercise daily and love it. But if I'm so focused on doing these positive things for my body, why do I then turn around and feed it something harmful (a bit dramatic but you know what I mean). If I can wake up and exercise every day without fail and love it, why can't I use food as a productive source rather than a weapon against myself?
I'm really beginning to think that losing is going to turn out to have been the easy part, and that once I reach a maintenance level, THAT will be the hardest struggle for me.
How do you form a positive relationship with food without feeling deprived? Especially when you're an "all or nothing" personality. That's why losing has been less difficult for me than a lot of people might think, because I'm "all or nothing!" So either I was going to lose, or I wasn't, no in between. So how do I figure this out with food? Never, ever eat poorly because I can't handle it? Not realistic! It's gonna happen.
I would really appreciate hearing how any of you have reached that "safe place" with food. I'm thinking I need to address this within myself now or I'll never be able to really meet my goals and then relax and feel good about it when I finally get there.

Donna
 
Donna - I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you, but I think about exactly the same things. I'm sure there are psychological reasons that I have such destructive behaviors (if you substitute "alcohol" for "food" in your post, people would say you're an alcoholic. I guess we're food-a-holics??). I wish I could figure out why that is. The reasons are deep enough that they are elusive to me.

I think figuring it out would help me develop a healthier relationship with food - or at least understand why I do what I do.

Waiting for others replies and insights...
Kay
 
My ramblings on the subject

I think maybe I'm finally at as safe a place as I'm gonna get to. I eat mostly good for me stuff out of respect for my body and desire to give it good tools to fuel all those great workouts. But sometimes in stressful times (and especially near TTOTM) it honestly helps to sit down with two "fun-size" candy bars and savor them. I think that since I give myself full and glad permission to do that and really focus on enjoying them, the two are enough (one never is though :))

I believe food was created as more than just fuel. It really is a source of pleasure, entertainment, bonding with others. I think it's fine to let it be all that. The only thing is, if I feel the need to eat when I'm not hungry, I really try hard to make the amount small. As for how I got to where I am, time was a significant factor. Time away from diets, time away from my Mom's watchful eye and attempts to "help" me, time to absorb the idea that I'm just as deserving of great food as anyone else. And something else that I noticed--I do a lot better now that I'm past the "it's not fair" stage. I used to think that "everyone else" was out there eating whatever they wanted to while I had to be limited. Maybe that was true when I was a kid, I don't know, but it sure isn't true now. Now I know how hard others are working and I'm no worse off than they are so I'm not pouting and stuffing my face about it. Don't know if any of that does you any good, but that's where I am. --Karen
 
RE: Given time, patience and work . . .

Hi, Donna! *it's me again* While I am by no means a psychologist or any other sort of life professional, I can share a bit of personal experience . . .

I used to have a relationship with food that was entirely emotional, alternating between terror and obsession. It had nothing to do with the nutritional value of food, and was emotional and moral (i.e. some foods are *good* and most foods are *bad*). Counseling helped, after some teen bouts with a pretty virulent bulimia nervosa condition (before bulimia was even identified as an eating disorder) and after a few years of sobriety, when both my brain and body were sorting themselves out.

I have to say that becoming a regular, skilled exerciser over the past 10 years or so, with increasing attention paid to strength training AND increasing the intensity (within safe limits) of both strength and cardio work have gone a far, far way in terms of my getting back to a good relationship with food. I am no longer afraid of food, and I am no longer in love with food. I do enjoy that which I eat, but my body seems to have become the driver of what I need, rather than my emotions. IT DID NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT.

As someone who has come to admire you a great deal, I'd like to suggest that you are still in the early stages of your journey. It's not just a case of losing adipose tissue and regaining your strength. It's a case of a total reinvention from the inside out, of your soul as well as your body. These reinventions take TIME.

I read a post recently from a Cathe-ite who has a recurring dream that she wakes up one morning heavy and out of shape again. And I have a recurring dream, every three months or so, that I've gone back to drinking again, even though it's been over 15 years since my last drink of alcohol.

I think that, given time, patience and work, your relationship with food will continue to evolve much as your relationship to your body has evolved. If you really feel stuck, professional counseling can work wonders, if you find a good, common-sense driven therapist who can apply abstract concepts to real life situations. Be gentle with yourself, and let the evolution of your relationship with food be a slow and steady one. I promise you, it can happen, and with you I think it will.

Annette
 
Hi Donna,

I'm sure you'll get a lot of different answers on this subject. I've had to tackle this due to some health problems that have severely limited my diet.

I think several things are at work here. First, I think sugar and processed carbs are addictive and can cause irrational behavior and loss of control. There are lots of good books out there that address this. Second, I think sweet/fattening treats as a reward is ingrained in us from childhood on. If you clean your plate, you can have a bowl of ice cream.

Third, I think our American society is one of the worst as far as diet goes. Fast food and salty, sugary empty calories abound. My doctor made the comment that I would probably find my diet a lot easier to maintain if I lived in China. There's no escaping it. We even serve piles of donuts at church on Sunday mornings because people supposedly don't have time to cook breakfast. That's point number four: we fill our lives with so much activity we don't have time to cook a balanced meal and sit down with our families and eat it in a relaxed and conscious manner.

Well, that's just a few of the obvious things - I'm sure there are a lot more out there. All I can say as to how to get to a better place with food is to learn all you can about good nutrition. Pretty soon you'll find yourself cringing when you think of some of the things you used to eat - now you know how damaging they are. Here's a link to a great article about the ten worst foods:
http://www.dolfzine.com/page388.htm

The other thing that did it for me is - after years of sugary abuse - my health deteriorated to the point that I had to clean up my diet or lose my colon - literally. Too bad it took hitting the bottom to wake me up, but at least I got it turned around before it was too late.

From what I've read, it sounds like you've turned your situation around, too, and are making great steps in the right direction. Hang in there. One more thing, when I gave up some of my favorites, people told me that I'd eventually not miss them. I didn't believe it, but it's true. It does get easier.

Hope this helps,

Angela
 
RE: One more word, then I'll shut up

Another suggestion I have for you, Donna, and I mean it in all seriousness: I would suggest that you purchase the ACE Personal Trainer manual / textbood, as well as the study guide as if you were going to take the personal trainer exam, and read the thing, study the thing, cover to cover.

One thing that has helped me enormously in terms of changing my relationship with food is developing a good, solid ACADEMIC understanding of exercise physiology, anatomy, biomechanics and applied kinesiology, the development of the physical working systems, and how nutrition affects that. The dot-com stuff can only take you so far. I think you are very ready for a good, broad, in-depth academic foundation of exercise and nutrition, and I can't think of a better book to get than that.

www.acefitness.org

Annette
 
Please NEVER shut up!..............................

Well it seems the 2 key factors are time and education, and both are do-able so I'll relax a little.
I guess somewhere deep inside I know this whole process is an evolution, and I just have to be patient.
I will check out both those resources, the "worst foods link," and the ACE website. I do appreciate learning "why" I'm doing something as opposed to just "following" the trend or crowd, so any other resources/literature anyone has found helpful, I'd like to hear about.

I tell you one thing, when I do have grandchildren some day, I will certainly not be one of those "cure everything with food" grandmothers! I know my parents meant well, but the years of "programing" that have to be undone is pathetic! Hopefully, I'll help to break that chain in my family.

Thanks guys,
Donna
 
Hi Donna

I am not sure if my 'story' relates but will tell it anyway :)

My battle with my weight is caused from skipping meals and not eating enough. I never skip meals because I think it will make me thinner but because I tend to neglect the things that my body needs.

Then, at the end of the day, I would eat a big meal with lots of carbs, bad carbs. I thought also that everything I ate had to taste great and had little tolerance for foods that I did not like.

I am now (slowly) getting to the point that I eat the foods that my body needs (at least 90% of the time!) instead of the foods that my taste buds crave and love!

When I began Body-for-Life, the nutrition was tough for me. I had to learn to eat foods that I found disgusting (cottage cheese .. food textures bother me) so that I could get enough protein each day. That book inspired me enough to make the changes I needed to take better care of my body.

I should add that I don't eat meat so protein sources are limited. BFL is the only program that I have been able to follow for any length of time w/o feeling weak or ill.

Now, when I skip a meal, my body craves protein and junk will not satisfy that craving. Weight training is demanding enough on my body that I have to have good nutrition now!

I really am beginning to think of food as fuel for my body. I do have chocolate and other 'sinful' foods but honestly don't get the pleasure from them that I once did. Ironically, I usually end up feeling miserable. When it's not my 'free day' and I think I want something 'illegal', I focus on that miserable feeling really hard and it the craving usually goes away.

BTW, Donna, I AM an all or nothing person. Control or will power has never been easy for me. I am always afraid to break my 'safe' routine for fear that I will not get back on track.

I wish I knew what the turning point was for me this time. Maybe it is P.O.W.E.R. I think I finally gave myself that P.O.W.E.R. to change, to let go of issues and to succeed at this.

I also think it has helped me to realize that I have one free day each wk to eat as I want or to be lazy and skip a meal. If I want something really bad, I tell myself that I can have it ... on free day. Of course, by then, I may not even want whatever it was that I thought i had to have!

I hope this rambling makes sense and helps in some small way...

dee c.
 
Donna,

I'm not sure I'm at a safe place, but I think about a lot of the same things as you are thinking about since I've lost a load over the last couple of years.

I've decided that I have always loved food a lot, and I will always like to eat a lot. I gained weight by eating unconsciously - which was really fun to just eat whatever, whenever. But to lose weight I had to pay attention to what I eat, and probably always will need to because I think I can be pretty good at ignoring my body's signals that it is full.

I now put a lot of effort into planning what I eat, because I do like to eat and to enjoy my food. I like to get the very most satisfaction and value out of what I eat. I don't give up my treats, but I do try to eat what I know I need to be eating MOST of the time. I have found that when I do not eat well, I feel the effects (which is nice to know that I am beginning to pay attention to my body's signals).

Do you journal what you eat? I used to journal everything I ate every day. I now do it when I feel out of control, and feel that I need to watch things more carefully.

Hope some of my rambling was useful to you. You are an inspiration to me - you've made such incredible progress! Congratulations!

Rhonda
 
I don't have anything to add... just that I am going to admit to it that I do have problem with food. I don't use it as comfort food. I just eat and eat till I am stuffed or eat when I am not even hungry. I don't really remember the last time I ever feel hunger. I know I am not overweight, but I think my relationship with food is not a healthy one. I know working out with Cathe keeps my calorie in = calorie out. But I REALLY need to have a better relationship with food. I need portion control.

I used to be good that I would have 1 cheat day and 1 cheat meal. Usually eat sensibly with portion control (stop before I am stuffed). I eat 'forbidden' food regularly, but I pick and choose only food that I REALLY love. Something that worth indulging into. But now it seems anything goes (I even ate my Snickers today... NOT my favorite candy!).

This thread has made me started thinking about me and my food. I am going to eat sensibly with portion control from now on. And I always allow myself 'forbidden' food, as long as they are my favorite!

Haslina
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Nov-05-02 AT 07:52AM (Est)[/font][p]Donna

I agree with alot of what has been said here.

My problem is not my relationship with food but my relationship with me. Having gotten most of my issues out of the way my weightloss is not so scary for me.

I don't have "forbidden" foods as such I am fortunate I don't like a lot of junk food can't understand the attraction of ice cream and have just started eating a bar of chocolate that has been in my bag for days. On a shelf in my bookcase in my bedroom are some sweets I bought 2 years ago but never finished.

But I love eating food the taste textures, the smells yumm I just love it so I try to eat things that I like and ration them (sensible rationing).

I try to eat regularly thoroughout the day and try to be active so that when I am bored I don't reach of whatever and just eat the day away.

This is a relationship that I will have to keep working on but one lesson I have learned is not give food emotions and feelings it does not have i.e. food will not make me look feel better and will not make me more attractive to myself or others. It will not replace the love and affection I think is missing from my life, and by denying myself food I will not be a better or more wonderful person.

Just my 2 cents

Babs
 
Hi Donna:

I feel for ya, baby!

Having been on maintenance for the last 8 years -- my 8-year anniversary of being a Life-Timer and staying at goal weight at WW is coming up next week -- I can only say that you take it hour by hour, day by day. Some days (and nights) are easy, some are hard. To me, it's like being an alcoholic.

Here are my personal rules:

1. My default is "No". If it's not on the list, I don't buy it.

2. Delete these words from my vocabulary "Why not?" ("Why not?" have an order of french fries. Everybody else is! "Why not" have a couple of chocolate chip cookies, I deserve it!). Insert word "Why?". I've just eaten, so "why" do I want that chocolate chip cookie? I'm not even hungry!

3. If somebody brings treats into the office, I don't eat it. I only eat what I bring. (I do, however, have a "Waterloo" and that's muffins. Oh yes, we're talking eating frenzy!)

4. Calories are money. If I can't afford it, I don't buy it. 500 calories for say a small order of fries? Not worth the money.

5. Food is a trip. Why take a trip to Cleveland, OH, when you really want to go to Paris, France? (Cleveland = fries Paris = muffin)

6. Delayed gratification. Not gonna have that ice cream now. Gonna save it for my planned "treat night" and really savour and enjoy it, guiltfree. For now, I'll just have a yoghurt. (I saw a study on this on "60 Minutes". People who do the "delayed gratification" thang are usually more successful in their careers, life, etc. (Ya, I know, they weren't lookin' at me!)

7. A sense of control. I have power over food, it doesn't have power over me (except for muffins).


Now, I still have issues with food -- I think most people do! Food has been translated into "love". Have you seen that commercial where the adorable, tussle-haired little kid asks his mother "Mommie -- I can't sleep. Can I have a sundae?". And there's blonde-haired, white-bread "Leave It to Beaver" mom with this big smile gazing back ever-so-lovingly at her kid. Yes, I'm a good Mom, implies the commercial, I love my child and I want what's best for him. Of course, honey, have a nice big bowl of icecream drowned in hot chocolate sauce. And I'm saying to the TV, "Ya, ya, good Mom, how's your kid ever gonna get to sleep now with all that sugar and caffeine in him?"

Oops! I've gotten off topic. It's just that that commercial really burns me!

Food is largely associated with special occasions: Valentine's Day (chocolate and sex), Easter (chocolate and fertility (Easter Bunny!), Thanksgiving (turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie!) and Christmas (turkey, stuffing, CHOCOLATE!!!!) Food is a national pasttime, food is a way to "dull the pain" (first thing I did on Sept 11 was go out and get a bag of Doritos and a muffin), food is a rest from and a reward for traipsing over that busy mall all afternoon.

I have equipped myself with an arsenal for protection -- Cathe's tape, this website, and a Nutrition Newsletter that I subscribe to. The newsletter is like a food consumers' report. One month it will focus on cereals (it gave thumbs up to Fibre 1 and Kashi Go Lean), marking the list with a "best bites" checkmarks. Another month, it will concentrate on frozen entrees, yoghurts, etc, etc. On the back page it features a "Food Porno" article on the scary foods out there. In this month's, it had a Burger King shake that had 60+ grams of fat (as much as a 20 oz. steak!) Well, all I gotta do is read that, and I know I'm not gonna be drinking that time-bomb (not that I would anyways; afterall, it ain't "muffin-worthy").

So much of it comes down to DETERMINATION. I remember having finally reaching my goal weight while sitting alone watching a TV show on how 95 percent of people who have lost weight gain it back and more over the next year. I said out loud and forcefully, "I'm (insert swear word) if that's gonna happen to me!"

Are you scared of getting down to your goal weight? For some reason, the closer I got the more scared I became. What was I afraid of?! I even did the Richard Simmons "teary-eye" when I told my hairdresser about the first 17 lbs I lost. Why the heck was I crying? Nobody died, for heaven's sake! Well, maybe a few hair follicles.

You'll do just fine, Donna. Just think of that little red train "I think I can! I think I can! I KNOW I can!"

Hope I've been of some help! Sorry I went on so long. I always mean to put in 10 quick words and end up writing a dictionary!

Patricia
 
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