I need your thoughts (sorry, a little long)...

L

lov2bfit

Cathlete
Yesterday I was at the grocery store with my 2 1/2 year old daughter. We got in line to check out and there was a man in front of us in line. I didn't really notice him until he turned around and starting talking to my daughter. He was dirty with teeth missing and had sores on his face. He walked over to my daughter and put his hand on the top of her head to touch her hair. His hands were dirty and he had long yellow finger nails. I immediately backed my cart away, but still tried to remain somewhat cordial. He was foreign so I couldn't understand what he was saying to me. I finally pulled the "Oh, I forgot to get something" and took off down an aisle. I waited a little while and then went to check out on the opposite side of the store. After he had finished checking out he came and found me and gave my daughter a candy bar that I guess he bought for her. When I got home I told DH and he said that I have the right to tell someone straight out that I don't want them touching my child.

How would you have handled this? I am not a very confrontational person and maybe he was just a nice man, but at the same time I got really upset that he touched my daughter. In fact, as soon as I got home I gave her a bath. Should I have told him to get his hands off of her? I don't like to be rude to people, especially if they are just trying to be nice, but he was just so dirty and scary looking.

Katie
 
Katie, I think you handled it well. After all, what would be the point of saying "don't touch her!" after he had already touched her? Unless you hang on sign on your DD people will generally touch before you can stop them. So, casually moving away was the right thing, IMO. You protected her and didn't hurt the man's feelings.

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
I agree that you handled it well. I would have also been wary of the situation but you just don't know what motivates people to reach out so sponteaneously. You balanced your instinct to protect and ensure the safety of your daughter with a measure of compassion for this stranger. Who knows what this 'dirty, scary' man has lived through, perhaps he had a daughter at some point and seeing yours moved him, we just never really know. It's such a tough call, nice man or threat, how can we know? Listening to intuition, or your gut, in circumstances like you've just experienced can't be underestimated.

Take Care
Laurie:)
 
I agree with Sparrow and your DH. Yes, you have the **right** to say don't touch my DD but what good will come of hurting his feelings or possibly making him angry? I'd be mad about the candy bar! He should have asked you first! Anyone who has ever offered my children a treat has always asked me first and cleared it with me before handing it to them!

Back to touching your DD...I would have been more confrontational with him had he touched her hands or something else that she may later put in her mouth before I had a chance to soak her in Purell (I am germ-o-phobic and refuse to seek help because I like it that way;-) ). But since he touched her head, I think you handled it perfectly!

Man, I would have been creeped out if he was approaching you again...after you moved to the other end of the check out!

Don't worry, soon she will be old enough to do all the speaking! Once they get just a bit older, they hold a very strong ***don't even think about it, buddy*** stance towards scary looking people!
 
Kate,
I looked at your Picture Trail and OMG your daughter is SOO cute!! Her hair is adorable and the pic of her doing step w/ Cathe was the cutest ever!!!:+. No wonder that foriegn guy liked her. And you, you look really pretty in the pic with your daughter. You too look so much alike!!! Well, IMO if I was a mother I would have kicked his a** and called security or yelled for help. Who cares if you wannna be nice, you don't want him to hut your daughter.

Take care,

~Adri;-)
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Well, IMO if I
>was a mother I would have kicked his a** and called security
>or yelled for help. Who cares if you wannna be nice, you don't
>want him to hut your daughter.

And teach her daughter to deal with life violently and fearfully??? Not a realistic or prudent strategy IMO.... I strongly feel that there's nothing to be lost by a little more 'nice' in the world.....I would never imperil my children to be nice to a stranger but refuse to assume that just because someone look scruffy means that they intend to hurt by reaching out....

Take Care
Laurie
 
Katie, I agree with your DH that you have the right to tell anyone, stranger or not, that you don't want them touching your child. You don't have to use a Howitzer on them, but a clear "Please do not touch my child" and a clear movement away from him/her is totally appropriate.

In all honesty, your story gave me the willies. Touch your kid AND search you and your daughter out to give her a candy bar? I'm sorry, that's just a little off, cultural differences be damned.

Maybe all of this renewed activity in the Jonbenet Ramsey case is getting to me.

A-Jock
 
I'm with Aquajock! I'd keep an eye out for the guy. If you start seeing him around, talk to the cops! That was a little too much for him to seek you back out and give your DD candy.

As for how you handled it, you did well. I'd have not wanted to hurt his feelings either, and he may have been harmless. But when he came back to offer a candy bar, then I might have asked him flat out why he did that. That's not a normal reaction.
 
Katie-
I think you handled the situation perfectly. You should always trust your instincts in such situations. Your instincts told you not to be confrontational, and they were right. If the guy was crazy, a confrontation could have been dangerous.
-Nancy
 
Thanks ladies for all your replies. I keep thinking that if I were to be in the situation all over again, would I handle it the same way. DH asked me too if there was any way he could have followed me home, but I saw him in the parking lot as I was leaving and I made sure that he left before I did. I paid attention to what he was driving too, just in case (I'm a little paranoid when it comes to that kind of stuff). I threw the candy bar away when I got home. Luckily, I don't give DD candy bars, so she really didn't know what it was and didn't really miss it. I guess I didn't say anything to him when he gave the candy to her because I just wanted him to go away.
I don't mind if people talk to my daughter, but I don't like people I don't know touching her, no matter who they are or how they look. I don't know if that makes me over protective, but I don't know what people have been touching. I'm a bit of a germ-o-phobe too.

Katie
 
Thank you Adri. You're very sweet. I need to put a more recent picture of her on there. She's the light of my life.

Katie
 
"I saw him in the parking lot as I was leaving and I made sure that he left before I did. I paid attention to what he was driving too, just in case."

Katie, again, perfect. I hope that if you were ever in the same situation again, you would do exactly the same thing. You and your daughter are safe, and that's all that matters.

-Nancy
 
Katie, I think I would have done the exact same thing. I am like you with being confrontational. That was super smart to watch him in the parking lot. I too am so afraid of people getting my kids sick like that, since when they get sick, it always lasts for weeks for them.
I hope you don't have to deal with that again, but I think you did a great job.


Maeghan AKA megadoo

New pics added in July 25 2006 and Fitness album!!!!

http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/bar072/slider-but3/lb/203/145/152/.png[/img] [/url]

http://www.picturetrail.com/megadoo2
 
Good can come from this. What a perfect teaching opportunity! I'm thinking I would definately tell your daughter that was not acceptable behaviour from that man. A friendly hello, smile or short chat with a stranger is ok, there is no need to plant fear in her ears for that. As far as touching, he is a stranger after all, and that is invasion of personal space. I would tell her that he seems to be from a different country and they may have different ways of behaving. We must be polite to all people however sometimes we need to be cautious and walk away. Now the chocolate bar is what freaks me. I cringe when my family members give my kids treats!
 
Katie,

I had a similar type of man approach my mom and I at a diner when we had my son. The guy was at the counter and Joey was smiling at him. The guy eventually made his way over to our table to tell us how cute Joey was and started talking to us. This guy was so gross that I was having trouble eating while he was there. I wanted to tell him to go away but I just didn't have it in me. I knew he meant no harm so I felt bad. Thank goodness he didn't try to touch my son though! I think I would have gone home and dunked Joey in disinfectant if he had!!!!:eek:

I'm sorry this happened to you and I can understand why you are so upset over it.
 
What I do in situations like these is stand in front of my children so nobody can touch them. Or, I walk away...quickly!!! I think it is rude for anybody, clean or dirty, to come up to children and talk or try to touch them. You just never know these days....

I think you handled it wise and well.

Sara
http://www.picturetrail.com/saraburnham1
 
Missy, I probably would have reacted somewhat the same if they were clean and had good hygeiene. As I stated before, I don't like any stranger touching my child, no matter who they are or how they look.

Katie
 
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