I did a bad thing

I

ImFiddY

Cathlete
Thanks everyone for your replies, My son forgave me and while waiting for some new eye glasses to be made we played guitar hero in the store and bought it. I suck, but it was fun together time.
 
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oh im so sorry
dry those tears!
you were trying to help and one day your son will look back and see that....maybe soonerthan you think

if its any consolation i totally lost patience w/ my 6 & 4 yo's tonight.
they were both crying and i feel like a jerk.

we learn everyday how to be better parents. hugs to you!
 
Hang in there as parents we are allowed to screw up, . . it is how we learn. Heck we're not perfect. 20 years from now your son will will be joking about what you did and when he has kids of his own he will realize the stupid uncool things parents do for the love of their kids.
 
I'm understand how you feel betrayed by his sargent but they can and will use ANYTHING you do and say to embarrass and "motivate" them. I know now that you send all letters in plain white envelopes - do not put anything on the outside or use colors etc. that they might be able to embarrass him with. The key to surviving boot is to keep a very low profile. This whole military experience will have a learning curve for you and your son. It hurts right now I know - especially when you and your son have tension between you and he is leaving. It will work out. From my experience our emotions are all over the place before they leave - fear & yes, maybe relief at the same time. It's OK to feel all these things. Chalk this communication with his sargent up to a painful learning experience for you. It will get better, I promise.

JenG
 
Don't beat yourself up. You're human and what you did was out of love.
Tell your son. He may not understand now, but he will when he's a father.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent or person. We all make mistakes. Sometimes I think we make the mistakes because we are suppose to. It's all a learning experience. How can we learn if we are always perfect? We can't.

I've made a gazillion mistakes with my two boys. I apologize and explain where I was coming from. I also encourage them to forgive. It's important they learn to forgive and move on.
 
First...step away from the goobers! ;):)

I doubt you're the first mom who tried to help her son/daughter by talking to the sargent.

A huge part of basic training is tearing down of the civilian "attitude" and building up of a military standards and way of thinking (self discipline, sacrifice, loyalty, obedience). It's the job of his drill instructors to give him, and all the other recruits, massive amounts of crap.

ITA with janie1234, the two of you may end up joking about this after BT is over. Hang in there.
 
Ruh roh!

Seriously, "bad" is when you do something you intentionally know is wrong. You did what you did b/c you love your son. I think by the end of his basic training he'll appreciate you more than ever!
 
Vee said:
That sergeant sounds like a jerk and you sound like a loving mom.
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I agree with Vee.

The sergeant is using reverse psychology on him. Embarrass him in front of all the guys and he will try to lose weight and get in shape.

Don't beat yourself up too badly, you only did what you thought was a good thing. Kudos to you for caring so much!
 
I'm sorry you are sad

However, what the sargeant did is normal. I would have expected that. My dad was in the military as a young man, and my nephew is in the military now. You need to understand that what he (the sareant) did is what he should have done. This is one of the ways that they get their young recruits to man up. "If you aren't going to be proud of your behavior you shouldn't be doing it" is the idea. I'm sorry things are strained now between you and your boy but in a way I think you did the right thing.
 
You know what? Your son sounds very selfish. How can he not see you were doing this for his own good? Geez. I get mad at my mom for some of the stuff she says but I would NEVER think to not talk to her ever again. That is just plain wrong and it sounds to me like he has some issues.

I'm sorry you are going through this, it isn't right. You were only doing a good thing.

Hugs to you.
 
I am so saddened to hear this happened to you. Your son is young still and cannot remotely begin to fathom the depths of a mothers love. Hopefully boot camp will make him realize that your heart was in the right place and you did it for this reason. I think the apology idea is a terrific one. It will set the example for him and maybe he will see that his behavior is somewhat selfish and thoughtless. A big hug to you.
Booboo
 
He's joining the military and being trained for combat and think most people with common sense can understand why mommy interventions are frowned upon. Maybe the lesson in all this is for the son to learn to stand on his own and take charge of his own life. I wouldn't say the sergeant is a jerk (his job is not to be be nice but to teach the young man to survive combat not be an interior decorator) nor do I think the son is selfish (his life is about to change completely as he enters a new world of sorts). He is justifiably mortified....and he will get over it. And so will so parkercp who had the best of intentions. At the end of the day it is a bump in the road.
 
Beavs said:
He's joining the military and being trained for combat and think most people with common sense can understand why mommy interventions are frowned upon. Maybe the lesson in all this is for the son to learn to stand on his own and take charge of his own life. I wouldn't say the sergeant is a jerk (his job is not to be be nice but to teach the young man to survive combat not be an interior decorator) nor do I think the son is selfish (his life is about to change completely as he enters a new world of sorts). He is justifiably mortified....and he will get over it. And so will so parkercp who had the best of intentions. At the end of the day it is a bump in the road.
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Nice perspective Beavs :)
 
parkercp said:
I just was scared that my son worked for 5 months to get the weight off and get into shape to enlist and then he was eating a dozen chicken nuggets and onion rings nightly and I saw two half gallons of ice cream gone in a week and then he bought more. I also asked if he was working on jogging when he went to the gym and he told me no. He said he was working on the weight machines and he could jog for 6 minutes. In basic you have to do a mile and half in less than 12 minutes so I was very worried he was setting himself up to fail.

Being naive I thought the sargent would weigh him and watch him in their exercises to see if he was in limits. It did not even occur to me that he would make fun of him. Now my son for sure will not tell me when graduation is so I can make travel arragements and I'm still in tears. I feel so very dumb. And I'm in tears because on Monday he will be gone and I know I will not see him for many years. My bad.

I hope one day when he grows up he will try to rebuild a relationship with me. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Hi, can you pm me your sons unit? My DH is in the military for over 28 years, he can find out when your son's graduations is! I promise he won't further embarass him! Your DS will grow up in the military!

Belinda
 
Beavs said:
He's joining the military and being trained for combat and think most people with common sense can understand why mommy interventions are frowned upon. Maybe the lesson in all this is for the son to learn to stand on his own and take charge of his own life. I wouldn't say the sergeant is a jerk (his job is not to be be nice but to teach the young man to survive combat not be an interior decorator) nor do I think the son is selfish (his life is about to change completely as he enters a new world of sorts). He is justifiably mortified....and he will get over it. And so will so parkercp who had the best of intentions. At the end of the day it is a bump in the road.
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All very true! I do feel for parkercp, though--I've got a 25-year-old son and would be beside myself if I did something to make him not want to talk to me, especially if he was going to be away for an extended period. I agree with the idea of the sincere apology, and voicing an understanding that as a result of you talking to his sergeant, he was humiliated in front of his peers. Parkercp, I hope your son cools down enough over the next few weeks to invite you to his graduation. In the mean time, hugs to you for being such a caring, concerned mom!
 
Beavs said:
....... I wouldn't say the sergeant is a jerk (his job is not to be be nice but to teach the young man to survive combat not be an interior decorator) .......................and he will get over it. And so will so parkercp who had the best of intentions. At the end of the day it is a bump in the road.
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Oh Beavs! I just realized how judgmental I sounded. Perhaps my reaction is a cultural thing. I admit that I dont understand or experience very often situations of mortifying someone "for they own good". I hate war movies with archetypal sargeants displaying what is considered acceptable in the military but would be bullying elsewhere. I understand war even less with its the need for people to be "toughened up"........I agree with the last bit. Very wise.
 
Vee--I knew what you meant and I completely understand it. I wouldn't do very well in bootcamp as I am too sensitive and would hide under a rock in combat. The sergeant's goal will be to break young men and women down and build them back up as army...or so they say it goes.
 
I hope you don't mind my two cents. I've been through army basic training. Now, the first part of what I'm about to say is going to sound insensitive and for the life of me, I don't mean it to be...but if your son is old enough to go through boot camp, he is old enough to hold his own and learn lessons if he can't; he doesn't need his mom talking to the drill sergeant for him. I'm sure he is justifiably mortified. Yet at the same time, keep this in mind...your son is YOUNG. He is not going to hold a grudge forever. As we grow older, go through things, and mature, our outlook on many things change. The drill sergeant was doing what a drill sergeant does...what he did does not surprise me in the slightest, but it was not necessarily a bad thing (although for a little while it may seem like it). He's going to make your son work hard so that he can succeed.

Boot camp is a life changing experience, and despite the fact that he may not be happy with you right now, I'm sure he will be so thrilled to have you attend his graduation. I've known of other, very troubled (I'm not saying in any way that your son is like this, okay?) young men who have completely blossomed in the military. He will be proud to share his accomplishment.

Speaking from personal experience, I was a bit rebellious in my later teens and had a few years I'm sure my parents would love to forget, but we have an excellent relationship now and I can truly appreciate what they did for me when I was younger.

Allow your son to stand on his own and be supportive of him. As someone else mentioned, do send things in plain envelopes LOL. I remember that we had to do 10 pushups for every letter we got...yet we loved getting those letters and packages (I forget how many we had to do for those!). Send him letters about what's going on at home. Don't feel bad if you don't get many letters in return...there is little time for letter writing, but know that each and every letter is appreciated. Let him know how proud you are of him.

I'm sorry this is so long, but it kind of struck a chord with me and I wanted to give you a perspective you may not have thought about previously. Things will get better, I promise. Don't let your son leave without telling him you love him and are proud of him. Let him process things on his own, in his own time and it will work out.

Okay, I just read it was the sergeant rather than the drill sergeant. Either way, I'm not surprised...that's kind of how they function. They'll work your son hard and he may not like it at the time, but it will enable him to succeed. Keep your chin up, okay?
 
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