Hello ladies,
I am hoping that you might some insight in ways of dealing a very difficult SIL-to-be.
I find myself dreading her visits or family functions because one never knows the mood she will be in. She is the type of person that gets very angry if you disagree with her - likes to be critical of others (behind their backs) and enjoys taking pots shots at others expense. Part of it is her humour. She likes to take jabs or make jokes that really border on criticism. She also likes to give unsolicited advice. She is not someone who can take the behaviour if dished back at her. And - we have had run-ins in the past - when I have tried to get her to stop meddling in my life - and she ended up turning it around and feeding SO a bunch of bull - about how hurt she was by my reaction, and felt that I didn't like her or respect the fact that she is his sister. (Yes - arrogance and manipulative can be added to the mix).
The flip-side of this - is that I know deep down she has a good heart - and is easily hurt. She struggles with depression - and has had some unfortunate things happen to her, as well as having made some mistakes. My only analysis is that she is bitter - is insecure about herself and her appearance - and is quite jealous.
I recognize that she is going to be family - and know that she won't be unavoidable. ie - I will see her during holidays - family birthdays etc. My SO is the type that ignores her behaviour - or will tell her sternly to cut it out when things get out of hand. I - on the other hand cannot help but get very offended - and defensive when she starts up. Sometimes I just stew for several days afterwards even though I don't want to let it get to me.
I think part of the problem is that I tend to be quiet - and I think sometimes that people who are quiet are mistaken for meek/pushovers.
So - how does one resolve to handle her without getting upset. I don't want to be petty - and stoop to her level. I simply want to be able to cut her off when she starts - and stand my ground - graciously and unoffensively - and avoid getting worked up over it.
I accept that this is who she is - won't ever change.. I have no interest in being her best buddy... I just want to learn to manage my own feelings of anger when faced with her behaviour.
This is a long post - thanks for reading - and thanks in advance for any advice.
Yve.
I am hoping that you might some insight in ways of dealing a very difficult SIL-to-be.
I find myself dreading her visits or family functions because one never knows the mood she will be in. She is the type of person that gets very angry if you disagree with her - likes to be critical of others (behind their backs) and enjoys taking pots shots at others expense. Part of it is her humour. She likes to take jabs or make jokes that really border on criticism. She also likes to give unsolicited advice. She is not someone who can take the behaviour if dished back at her. And - we have had run-ins in the past - when I have tried to get her to stop meddling in my life - and she ended up turning it around and feeding SO a bunch of bull - about how hurt she was by my reaction, and felt that I didn't like her or respect the fact that she is his sister. (Yes - arrogance and manipulative can be added to the mix).
The flip-side of this - is that I know deep down she has a good heart - and is easily hurt. She struggles with depression - and has had some unfortunate things happen to her, as well as having made some mistakes. My only analysis is that she is bitter - is insecure about herself and her appearance - and is quite jealous.
I recognize that she is going to be family - and know that she won't be unavoidable. ie - I will see her during holidays - family birthdays etc. My SO is the type that ignores her behaviour - or will tell her sternly to cut it out when things get out of hand. I - on the other hand cannot help but get very offended - and defensive when she starts up. Sometimes I just stew for several days afterwards even though I don't want to let it get to me.
I think part of the problem is that I tend to be quiet - and I think sometimes that people who are quiet are mistaken for meek/pushovers.
So - how does one resolve to handle her without getting upset. I don't want to be petty - and stoop to her level. I simply want to be able to cut her off when she starts - and stand my ground - graciously and unoffensively - and avoid getting worked up over it.
I accept that this is who she is - won't ever change.. I have no interest in being her best buddy... I just want to learn to manage my own feelings of anger when faced with her behaviour.
This is a long post - thanks for reading - and thanks in advance for any advice.
Yve.
