Hey all. I hate to send out a bummer e-mail but I just feel safest talking with all of you about certain things.
Well, as some of you may know, I may or may not be relocating before or soon after my first baby is born in September. In the meantime, I am currently the main wage earner. My husband, who just graduated from graduate school is waiting to hear about a job with the government. In the meantime, he works part-time, no benefits. I, on the other hand, have a job that I started the day all my first trimester symptoms kicked in. I hate my job, my boss and work environment as a whole. This is partly distressing to me because I had such high hopes for it. Were I not pregnant, I would quit and take some time to find another job. However, I can't partly because I need my medical benefits and my income right now because I don't want to use savings in case we have to move. My husband may not hear about this government job for 30-90 days and feels that he would be unprofessional to pursue other permanent work when he might get another job offer.
In the meantime, I have become so depressed by my circumstances that I have started bouts of crying. This morning the crying was also filled with panic. To add to this, I am extremely worried about how these negative feelings are affecting my baby. I found myself crying this morning while at the same time talking to my baby to reassure it that I love it more than anything and just apologized if my feelings made it uncomfortable.
I can't talk to my husband because he just doesn't get it and makes me feel as if I'm being a nag. I know that he is stressed too but I feel like "tough sh--" - grow a baby under stress and then we'll talk!
I suffer from mild depression anyway that worsens during Chicago's gloomy (and lengthy) winter's but I don't want to take the supplements I would take for that while I'm pregnant. Especially since I know what the problems is.
I teach 4 BodyPUMP classes a week which helps me a lot. I've tried doing cardio but find that if I'm not being paid and don't have to be there, I am too blue to get up early or I just want to get home and sit in my recliner nursing my blues. Understand, I am also a mental health professional and know that these sings are not good and I also know what I can do to manage some of this.
I guess my main concern is how will all this negative stuff inside me truly affect my baby? I feel guilty for not sucking it up and putting a smile on my face.
Well, as some of you may know, I may or may not be relocating before or soon after my first baby is born in September. In the meantime, I am currently the main wage earner. My husband, who just graduated from graduate school is waiting to hear about a job with the government. In the meantime, he works part-time, no benefits. I, on the other hand, have a job that I started the day all my first trimester symptoms kicked in. I hate my job, my boss and work environment as a whole. This is partly distressing to me because I had such high hopes for it. Were I not pregnant, I would quit and take some time to find another job. However, I can't partly because I need my medical benefits and my income right now because I don't want to use savings in case we have to move. My husband may not hear about this government job for 30-90 days and feels that he would be unprofessional to pursue other permanent work when he might get another job offer.
In the meantime, I have become so depressed by my circumstances that I have started bouts of crying. This morning the crying was also filled with panic. To add to this, I am extremely worried about how these negative feelings are affecting my baby. I found myself crying this morning while at the same time talking to my baby to reassure it that I love it more than anything and just apologized if my feelings made it uncomfortable.
I can't talk to my husband because he just doesn't get it and makes me feel as if I'm being a nag. I know that he is stressed too but I feel like "tough sh--" - grow a baby under stress and then we'll talk!
I suffer from mild depression anyway that worsens during Chicago's gloomy (and lengthy) winter's but I don't want to take the supplements I would take for that while I'm pregnant. Especially since I know what the problems is.
I teach 4 BodyPUMP classes a week which helps me a lot. I've tried doing cardio but find that if I'm not being paid and don't have to be there, I am too blue to get up early or I just want to get home and sit in my recliner nursing my blues. Understand, I am also a mental health professional and know that these sings are not good and I also know what I can do to manage some of this.
I guess my main concern is how will all this negative stuff inside me truly affect my baby? I feel guilty for not sucking it up and putting a smile on my face.