Can a woman fake having a "soft side?"

[story1267]

Could you be honest and tell him you are trying to be more open and that it may take time?I know I have panic attacks when I am in a vulnerable situation in relationships, but in my marriage the most head way I have made is opening to my husband. If you think this guy can be trusted maybe you can take baby steps. There is always risk involved with relationships, but no deposit, no return. As you can tell by the verse in my signature, I ultimately trust God with my well being, so it takes alot of the pressure off my DH.

Hey Laura, Pinkquinn said it before I could. I think this is good advice. I believe in honesty and being yourself and I think it's a fine and good thing to open up enough to this guy to say that you have trouble being vulnerable. Communication is everything.

Best of luck!

 

[CeciFifi]

Hi Laura,

I work one evening a week doing walk-in counselling. I can recommend an interesting book to read that might help you with some of the things you mentioned. It's called 'reinventing your life' (not that you have to) by young and klosko. the book has all these mini-assessments that help identify behaviours (like being guarded) that the writers then connect to beliefs we hold about the self. the book helps trace beliefs back to childhood where so many of them begin. People love this book and I do too. it's an easy read and straight forward.

I think you explained yourself very well in your post. Maybe you can explain yourself similarly to the guy you are seeing. it was very heartfelt.

s.

 

[hokypoky]

I don't know if this is relevant, but .... I had a friend who dated a guy that she desperately wished would give her roses, call her, send cards, etc. The soft side. What she didn't get was that he changed the oil in her car for her, mowed the lawn, etc. His "soft side" was expressed differently than she realized.

A few years later I read a book called "The Five Love Languages" that was all about the differences in expressing how you care for someone. Maybe you just need to find this guy's "language" .... once you're in tune with that, it might be easier to express. I discovered what mine was when DH hung some shelves for me once, and I was SO turned on - mine is definitely all about home improvement! LOL

 

[LauraMax]

You've all given me such great feedback, thanks! I am def. gonna check out those books. I'm not typically into self help, but they sound interesting & could maybe help.

The good news is, I kind of went out on a limb & let my guard down a little. Not much, but basically told him how I felt about him in a light hearted way (I'm not so good at this stuff but if there's one thing I know for sure, if a guy feels pressured he'll run for the hills!). Well, it was so worth it! I cannot believe the change in his behavior. I guess it helped him let his guard down too. The way he's acting now took me completely by surprise. Almost overwhelming, to tell you the truth, but in a good way.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still very nervous about the whole thing, but I'm starting to believe maybe I do need to take a risk to get a reward. That said, I'm so scared I'm pooping my pants. Figuratively of course. Wish me luck. If this gets me hurt I'm pretty sure my next step will be joining a convent LOL.

ETA: Dayna, that guy sounds like every woman's dream. You'd better give your friend a wake up call!

 

[GraceNote]

Have to pop in with another bid for The Five Love Languages. A friend recommended it to me awhile back and when I finally got around to reading it, I wish I'd read it sooner. One of the main points that I got was that we tend to treat others with the Love Language that means the most to us, but that doesn't mean that they're necessarily getting the message. When you know what to look for, though, it can be fairly easy to see how to show your significant other that you love them. I also read the book for families that uses the same principles for relationships with parents and children. It's some interesting information, at least, and gives you a new way of looking at yourself and how you relate to others.

Good luck with the guy!! Totally pulling for you and hoping that it works out