Depression and Anxiety

T

Tammyspq

Cathlete
Hey all. I hate to send out a bummer e-mail but I just feel safest talking with all of you about certain things.

Well, as some of you may know, I may or may not be relocating before or soon after my first baby is born in September. In the meantime, I am currently the main wage earner. My husband, who just graduated from graduate school is waiting to hear about a job with the government. In the meantime, he works part-time, no benefits. I, on the other hand, have a job that I started the day all my first trimester symptoms kicked in. I hate my job, my boss and work environment as a whole. This is partly distressing to me because I had such high hopes for it. Were I not pregnant, I would quit and take some time to find another job. However, I can't partly because I need my medical benefits and my income right now because I don't want to use savings in case we have to move. My husband may not hear about this government job for 30-90 days and feels that he would be unprofessional to pursue other permanent work when he might get another job offer.

In the meantime, I have become so depressed by my circumstances that I have started bouts of crying. This morning the crying was also filled with panic. To add to this, I am extremely worried about how these negative feelings are affecting my baby. I found myself crying this morning while at the same time talking to my baby to reassure it that I love it more than anything and just apologized if my feelings made it uncomfortable.

I can't talk to my husband because he just doesn't get it and makes me feel as if I'm being a nag. I know that he is stressed too but I feel like "tough sh--" - grow a baby under stress and then we'll talk!

I suffer from mild depression anyway that worsens during Chicago's gloomy (and lengthy) winter's but I don't want to take the supplements I would take for that while I'm pregnant. Especially since I know what the problems is.

I teach 4 BodyPUMP classes a week which helps me a lot. I've tried doing cardio but find that if I'm not being paid and don't have to be there, I am too blue to get up early or I just want to get home and sit in my recliner nursing my blues. Understand, I am also a mental health professional and know that these sings are not good and I also know what I can do to manage some of this.

I guess my main concern is how will all this negative stuff inside me truly affect my baby? I feel guilty for not sucking it up and putting a smile on my face.
 
Tammy,

I haven't posted to the forum in a very long time, but your situation has prompted me. I had my first child in October and went through some of the same emotions that you are.

First of all--talk to your doctor about the stress and emotions. I can't give you any advice on specifically how this will affect your baby, but no doubt it is not a healthy situation for either you or the baby.

Second -- have a heart to heart with your hubby and really look at all of your options. Having a child will make or break a marriage and now is the time to really force yourselves to communicate and try to see each other's point of view. Grant it -- men just don't understand the demands of pregnancy or motherhood.

Last year, right after I found out I was pregnant, I left a job that was extremely high stress! I literally walked out! I am a professional and I had never done anything like that. But, it became more than I could take and I was seriously worried about the health of my pregnancy. It was the best thing I ever did.
It was not easy financially, but we managed. I have a beautiful, healthy son that is worth any financial or professional sacrifice.

Good luck and remember you have a huge network of supporters here who understand how you feel.

Tina
 
Hi;

I just wanted to add you are not alone. There are so many woman that go through he!! while pregnant, both emotionally and otherwise and the babies do just fine. Everyone of us has a burden that, added to the stress of pregancy, can feel so overwhelming, and make one feel like they are all alone. Every pregnant woman must worry what their emotional state is doing to their unborn child, but you know, those little poopers likely could care a less. They are safe and I bet oblivious to what you are going through. I say this because I know I had very,very rough days with my two girls when I was pregnant with them (esp. the first, much like what you are going thru) and they are both 100%. I think it is better for you to let it out & cry till there is nothing left and then say, 'it'll all work out, it always does.' And that is fact, somehow, it always works out!
 
Dear Jeni

You poor dear! I'm also a health professional (isn't it amazing how we are also drawn to fitness?) and part of the worst part of feeling anxious or depressed is that we feel that we *should* know what to do about it! That's what stops me sometimes from seeking help!

It sounds like your current job is a bit of a bummer, but only temporary! I am in a similar situation with my job, although I only work one day a week - I can't stand my boss and I have fun imagining throwing poison laced darts at her when she's not looking!

I don't know how much stress affects babies in utero, but I definitely agree on the exercise thing - it may be your saviour in feeling a lot better and being able to put the temporary nature of your job in perspective (after all you will be leaving for a while to have this baby). I'm glad pump is going well for you - I'm teaching the new Pump 42 this week and must say that I am having heavy weather with those squats - counting to 21 is just dreadful for me (somebody who has trouble counting to 8!)

I don't know whether this note actually said anything particularly helpful, but just hang in there!

Cheers, Liz n
 
Thank you all so much for your response's! I'm going to talk with my doctor as well as try to keep up with my workouts if for no other reason than stress relief. As I try to prepare for maternity leave I take comfort in the fact that I can't be pregnant forever so that means to I don't have to work here forever.

As far as the DH, I will try to remember the advice a friend told me she heard about in a movie - "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". The husband may be the head of the household but the wife is the neck and controls which direction the head turns!!;)

Thanks, jeni
 
Hi! I also haven't posted here in a while but I thought I'd add some ideas from my own experience. I have had anxiety and mild depression issues myself. I actually chose to go the hypnotherapy route, but do whatever you're comfortable with. One thing I would suggest is to practice relaxation techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, etc. I've found these work wonders. (of course my 9 week old doesn't give me much time to do them anymore!) I have several relaxation tapes and CD's, but I got my favorites from www.changeforgood.com and www.brainsync.com.
And of course exercise is a great stress buster!
Good luck, try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy. Take as much "me" time as possible - you deserve it!
Melissa
 
Hi Tammy,

I really feel your pain. I’m going through a tough time myself with a dependent, live-in SIL who’s just told us she’s 5 months’ pregnant - I myself am nearly 4 months along! This has made me so depressed and worried about money etc.. , as if I wasn’t before. DH sees the whole situation very differently indeed.

I’m afraid I have no advice as such but just wanted to let you know that I sympathise and am praying for you.

(((((((hugs))))))


Your friend in fitness, Fitnik
 
Update re: Depression and Anxiety

Hi all! Thank you, again, for your responses and support. I finally lost it this morning with my husband after a particularly crappy work day yesterday. I laid it all out (as I did for you all) and then some including calling a little non-profanity name calling. I apparently mentioned my concern for the baby because mister-sister (our name for "it") seems to be most active when I'm upset and angry. I don't know if that did it or what but as I preparing to leave for my office he came in and said, "You might want to pay attention to this 'cause I don't say it often. You're right (OMG!) I haven't been doing what I need to to make this time less stressful for you and the baby. You should be able to enjoy this time because it is so brief and I haven't done my part to help make/let that happen. I will look for more permanent employment in case this government thing doesn't work out. It's my job too to make sure you and the baby are o.k."

I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!!!!! And, of course, I bawled like a baby. I must say, I think he was kinda missing the whole baby part. Meaning, if things fall apart, it's not just him and me who are affected but our child. I THINK he has connected the dots but I'm not convinced he actually sees the picture the dots are making. Still, I am going to ride the wave. I've been instructed to pick up more resume paper on the way home...

Still, all this has reinforced what I already know and what so many of you suggested - I need to find ways to deal with the stress for my better health and the babies.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU all so much.

Feeling a little lighter - jeni
 
RE: Update re: Depression and Anxiety

So, so, so glad to hear that Jeni! Men can surprise you and change, or at least see the other side of thing, sounds like you've got yourself a gem! I am very happy to hear you guys are on the same wave again! Congrats!
 
Thank goodness!

My DH and I have also reached a truce re his sister, who plans to have her baby in Ireland in August - the countdown begins.

I'm very glad things are sorting themselves out!

(((hugs))) again,

Your friend in fitness, Fitnik
 
RE: Thank goodness!

Hey Fitnik! Thakns for your reply and I am SSSOOOOO happy things are looking better for you and your situation! I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers and make sure you keep us posted!

(((hugs to you too)))

jeni
 
Suffering from pregnancy-induced depression presently

I hope that after talking to your dh you are feeling better! I can only share that while pregnant with my second, we had some trials going on in our family. My darling fell from a ladder while I was in my third trimester, so I had to care for him and do everything, and he was a major GRUMP (which he admits), because he didn't want to be laid up either. It was very difficult carrying in fifty pounds of dog food, gallons of kerosene, slipping over the ice with trash~I'll never take him for granted again! Not to mention the no money... I always thought it was the circumstances that caused my depression, but now at sixteen weeks along, I am very depressed at times~with no "excuse". I just wanted to share that you are not alone! (((((HUGS))))) sandi
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top