Growing up; on my terms – by “An exerciser for life”

At 11 years old, I was due to start secondary school. I was one of just two from my primary school who would be starting there. I was scared. I was nervous. I was overweight. Should it have mattered? No. Did it? Yes, it really did. To top things off, I had been on crutches for 18 months, recovering from a foot injury that had gone un-diagnosed for a long time. I still used one crutch -as a sort of safety blanket- to walk. I was not the ‘typical’ student. People laughed at me… I was very much on the outside of friend groups. I was included, but I never felt part of the group. I made two really good friends, to whom weight (and mobility!) didn’t seem to matter. But I was teased. Just like I had been in primary school (where my double chin earned me the name of ‘turkey’). Boys would say to me ‘will you marry me? ‘ and laugh at the absurdity of the joke: who would want to?

So, I decided that I had to do something. The doctor had already told me that I was overweight, something that made me cry and cry, for I knew that it would be hard, on crutches, to do anything about it. I had no idea about healthy eating; of course, I knew the principles: calories are bad! But I didn’t understand that the quality of what I ate mattered. I was foolish, and ‘starved myself’… although I didn’t really. I would simply skip meals, and live off chocolaty snacks (I can’t see the logic now). And I began to see small results. Then, when my foot was fully recovered, I bought a dance mat. I began jumping (not dancing) for hours a night, aiming to burn off the chocolaty snacks I had allowed myself to indulge in. And it worked. I may not have been healthy; I was shattered all the time. But I was getting thinner! However, it got to a point where I realised that I was far too thin. Not dangerously so… but not how I’d wanted to allow myself to become. So I began using exercise DVDs. I began eating meals again, but keeping my portions small. I enjoyed the DVDs, but the British exercise DVD market is dominated by celebrity workouts which I just didn’t find challenging. And I felt I wanted more from my exercise.

And then I found Cathe. She was given an almighty write up on the internet. She was the gold standard (still is!). So I ordered Body max 2. At this point, I didn’t realise that weight training was important, because it didn’t burn as many calories!! So I only did the step portion. But I loved it. And then I found these forums, and realised the sheer importance of health and fitness. Before, I had been exercising for thin-ness. Yet, I began to see the passion of everyone on these forums- for health. So I began to change my diet. Little by little, I began incorporating more fruit and vegetables; cutting out simple sugars… the road to clean eating. And I realised that for the first time in about three or four years, I felt healthy.

Unfortunately, I don’t know whether it was a result of my previous dieting or simply coincidence, but I developed a stomach condition around this time, that meant that I vomited at every meal- something that recurs today if I don’t keep my fat intake low. But I never let Cathe go during this time. I had asked for a barbell and dumbbells for Christmas, and with these, and my steadily expanding exercise DVD library, I embraced ‘proper’ training. I began to create rotations; I understood the importance of not overtraining, of a varied program. And then I became addicted. Not to exercise, not to dieting, but to health. I realised that I am fascinated by the subject. I wanted there to be more options for people like me to become healthy; not necessarily thin.

This Christmas, I got STS, shortly after that, my shock cardio preorder came through. I cannot explain the sheer excitement I experience just in waiting for new DVDs to arrive. With STS, I managed to show people who laughed at my ‘feeble women’s exercise; (a result of the reputation of exercise DVDs in Britain), that actually, I was fit. When I started secondary school, I wasn’t allowed to finish the cross country race, because I was taking too long and would have mi ssed my next lesson. Yet, two years ago, I won the girls’ race. I hated every minute of it. No matter how much I like exercise, I still hate mud! But I was so proud. Just like now, I am proud that I can barbell curl between 35 and 40 pounds. As I struggled lifting a barbell over my chest, not loaded above 20 pounds, I got thrills as I watched my ability stretch to bench press 60 pounds. For me, no matter what anyone else can do, I can feel proud. I no longer think ‘I wish I was as thin as her’. I had never before got pleasure from exercise, because it was something I HAD to do, to be accepted at school. Now, I miss it when I can’t do it. Every time I see Cathe’s face on the screen, I think I’m ‘hanging out’ with a friend. I have a hobby that I do, purely for me. With pressure of exams at school, I can get through them, because I can let off the steam when I get home. I know my diet is very good now, thanks to the wonderful advice that Cathe and others provide on here. And in becoming accepted into the exercising community, I have equally been accepted at school. Now the time has come to leave for university, I don’t want to. I am so happy in the school that I once feared that I feel I want to stay forever. But if Cathe got me through once, I trust she will do so again. (AND the new DVDs are out JUST as I begin the university year. It’s almost as if she planned it 🙂 )

Six years ago, I would lie to get out of P.E. This year, I am about to start a course to teach me about the theory behind exercise, so that I can further understand and enjoy exercise. Exercise may be painful. It may BURN. It may even make me feel like giving up and having a cup of tea. But through all that; I love it. I truly do. Should it be a good sign that people I knew before I was twelve no longer recognise me? I don’t know. But it fills me with pride. Because I know that I have changed myself. I have done it, myself. And that’s a good feeling.