Women & Relationships

Timber99

Timber99

Cathlete
Help me understand. Almost every friend that I have is either 1)stuck in a dead end relationship with a guy that mistreats her, isn’t good to her or cares more about himself, 2) accepting ill behavior and/or disrespect from their mate and DEFENDING IT, 3) not sure what the future of the relationship is on the outside but full wells knows on the inside that it is sunk, yet won’t think of her own future (afraid to make the break) 4) just sitting idle in a bad relationship and/or 5) making excuses for some moron's stupid actions. All of these people around me are starting to make me think that my “normal relationship” is abnormal! What is going on here!?!?!?!

Why don’t women respect themselves enough to make a break when things are bad? Why don’t these women, who are all very intelligent gals, mind you, see what is right in front of their faces? These are not short relationships guys…these are all 4+ years! I don’t get it.

Do I just need new friends? Or is this the new norm?

ETA: I know that we all make these moves in our own time and I know that I have made stupid judgment calls along the way, but years and years of this crap has to amount to some indication in anyone's mind.
 
My friends are the same way! It is at the point that it gets incredibly frustrating to listen too! Same problems all the time and they never do anything to fix it.
 
You know me, & I don't fall into any of those categories.........;-)

I think there are several factors at work here:

1) Many women define themselves based upon the men they're with. They think they're incomplete without a man in their life. Sad but true.
2) Often you lose perspective when you're in a long term relationship. You know what I went thru, & 6 mos ago I still would've taken the POS back. Now I'm in that "WTH was I thinking?" mode. Once you distance yourself from a situation you see things more clearly--when you're in the midst of it you miss a lot of red flags.
3) Habit.
4) Fear of being alone.
5) Finances.

I could go on & on about this. But the bottom line is there's nothing you can do about it other than be supportive & be there for your friends when they need you.
 
I know thats probably the case for them. The friends of mine that go through this are truly beautiful inside and out and wish they would see that and let someone treat them that way! We live life once and why not live it to the fullest!
 
Gosh, I don't know... or maybe I do. I was stuck in a bad relationship in college, with a guy who really didn't treat me with much respect, but always claimed that I was his soul mate. I thought my friends were gonna kill me, what with the constantly breaking up and getting back together. What finally did it for me was graduating, going to work, raising my self-esteem, and realizing that I deserve better. Now I've been married almost 19 years to an amazing guy who treats me right. I guess what I'm saying, maybe your friends need to do something that raises their self-esteem... whether it's through work, or doing some kind of volunteer work (say in an animal shelter, etc.) that makes them feel good about themselves, and where they'll also meed people who are like-minded.
Just my two cents!!
 
Maybe you need to distance yourself from them while looking for new friends. I'm not saying to totally cut off these relationships unless it's negatively affecting the decisions you make in your own life. Just my 2 cents.
 
Everything that was said and also DENIAL!!! And I don't mean the river in Egypt }(

I'm mentoring a co-worker through a divorce situation right now and I see in her all the things I went through but refused to see. Most times it's right in front of our noses but FEAR is a great unmotivator!
 
I also think it's difficult to know what a relationship really IS unless you're actually in it... sometimes people are functionally dysfunctional. (None of us, though!) :7
 
I agree with a pervious poster that says you have to distance youself sometimes to really see things for what they are. I was married to an emotional drain of a person who treated me very poorly. We are divorced now and I look back and think......you guessed it......wtf was I thinking?
 
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