Why are people intimidated by me?

[wendymin72]

Hey Sarah! How are ya? Haven't really seen you around lately. I was wondering where you were hiding. ;-)

Hope all is well!

~Wendy~

I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!

http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img]
EDD: 05/19/05

 

[kathryn]

Donna, It's hard to know how people come off to others when you just "know" them from an internet forum. You need to have someone who knows you, and knows your work persona, to tell you. How about asking your departing aid? Sounds like you two get along. And since she's leaving, she might be more willing to say things like "everyone thinks you're X, Y or Z unflatteriing thing because of A,B C personality trait."

YOu could broach the subject by bringing up the conversation she had with the woman, and say that you're really puzzled by the fact that people seem to be intimidated by you, and you'd like to know exactly what it is that they seem to be intimidated by.

 

[lisaannjam]

Hi Donna,

First, I think you are great! You come across as knowledgeable and very witty to me. My husband suffers from the same thing as you. He found out that people that work for him think that he doesn't like them or that he is angry with them and he's not. He does try to smile a little more now so they don't think that way. Before, he was just more focused on the work he needed to do rather than worrying about how he was being perceived by others.

I think you are fine and that it is probably other people's hangups that they are probably projecting on to you. Maybe this girl is intimidated because you are professional, attractive and in great shape. I admire you for wanting to see what you can change about yourself. If I were you, I would, as others here have mentioned, invite this girl to lunch and clear the air. Other than that, I think you are great just the way you are!! You know some people who seem to be perpetually bubbly are the biggest hippocrites in the world. I say, keep on being you!!

Other strong and confident women are not intimidated by other strong, confident women

 

[green woman]

i red a quote in "O" magazine the other day

"a man has to be Attila the Hun to be called ruthless, all a woman has to do is put you on hold" Marlo Thomas
(i don't have my magazine with me but i think that is the quote)
when people find out that i lift weights they always seem to think i am aggressive and am looking to kick butt. that is the furthest thing from the truth. i have learned to ignore most comments and the people who matter know the truth.
maybe you can talk to this womans supervisor since you have a relationship with her, see if she feels that the woman would be better off in your dept. ;-)

have a healthy day!

 

[Fitnessfreak366]

Why does being intimidating bother you? My personality is more like yours, I do the same thing with my looks if I'm doing something and don't want to be bothered, I can give that dagger look and people think I'm pissed. I sometimes like this, I get respect at work because people know I'm a hard worker and want the best from everyone. I have many friends as well, and can talk to my co-workers one on one and get positive feedback from them. I feel that is because of my demeanor.

Don't try to change who you are, however, if it is really bothering you then I would suggest trying not to let that "pissed" look on your face show as much. Just my opinion!
Debbie in OH

 

[kathryn]

>i red a quote in "O" magazine the other day
>
>"a man has to be Attila the Hun to be called ruthless, all a
>woman has to do is put you on hold" Marlo Thomas

I agree that there is probably a gender element to this. Men and women can act the same way, and the men are called "professional" or "businesslike" while the women are called "bitches."

 

[robyn6002]

Hmmm.. interesting on this I think its all a balance. I'm still direct but also focus on giving positive feedback as well. When I was younger I was much more driven and had less fun at work. I'm now well into my 40s. It may sound pretty simple but use to never ask people how their weekend was (we were at work to work after all), now I always am sure to do that first. I find over the last few years there has been a large focus on work/life balance.

I had 2 horrible (sadly both women) bosses who totally lived for work. My current boss also a woman and no kids is all about work/life balance. Her view is if you work too many hours you become less effective - so you sprint hard all day but then go home and come back refreshed and ready to go at it again.

At first I had to make a concerted effort to give one compliment a day, now it's second nature. I found people like to work more with me too and you know what we still get alot done! Might as well create a fun atmosphere. I'm in software so that may make a difference.