When did you realize not to worry????

[starlight6]

I'm past my 40's ~sigh~ & I still struggle with this kind of thing all the time. My sister is in her early 40's...she's the sweetest, kindest & most generous person you'll ever meet...but she also stands up for herself & knows when to say no. Which shows you how different people can be.
I think everyone goes through this to some extent, but I also think women go through it for a much longer time, & our victories are hard-won.
I have discovered however that I have a talent for putting my worries into perspective...I always immediately compare them to something really horrible & realize if much worse things were to happen the original worries would seem petty indeed.
But I still struggle with standing up to people or even just saying no to them. I'm a lot better than I used to be though, so I guess there's hope...maybe in my 60's I'll get there!
60's!!?? YIKES!!! Did I say that about ME?! LOL

 

[nancy324]

Great topic Lori!

I'm enjoying reading everyone's responses. This is such a central issue for most women. I think we are hard-wired to care more what others think than men. We are the social ones, the ones who keep the family together and create the emotional support systems. It's hard to fight, but it must be done. I'm still struggling with it at the age of 48, but doing much better. I have a natural tendency to evade confrontation, and anything socially unpleasant, and to make people like me. I always want to nurture everyone and make people feel good! It's a daily battle, but I'm fighting hard (with the aid of an excellent therapist). As many of you know, I recently confronted my parents, but work is the final frontier. I intend to conquer it!}(

Good luck to all of us!
-Nancy

 

[jgoycoolea]

A little off the subject, but I was finally able to quit obsessing about those 5-8 extra pounds after having a baby. Can you believe I wouldn't go to a swimming pool prior to baby if I wasn't at a certain weight? Now, I'm hoping we get at least one more really hot day so we can go again. And I think I could lose 8 pounds. I don't care if anyone notices my stomach is not totally flat!

 

[Connie1]

I have read this thread with much interest too. This is one of my problems as well. Jgoycoolea, I agree with you about going out less than perfect.

There is the temptation to stay indoors when you feel ugly, but going out and using up energy is a great antidote. If you just get past that stickpoint, but we are all used to doing *that*!

 

[maxwells]

Hi Val C. --

What you said really hit home with me: "You don't say what you need to say to people." It seems like such an easy concept, but until recently I didn't realize that most of my relationship issues are caused by this one simple truth. I don't say the hard stuff -- the ugly stuff. It's not a problem for me at work. I have no problem saying the unpopular thing there. But in my personal relationships (friends, family, SO), I avoid the difficult conversations. I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want to say something that might hurt the people I love. Won't they leave me if I do? That is a belief I hold that I simply don't know how to change.

So I keep it to myself, but that can only last for so long. Eventually, the people you love end up not knowing the real you. So it seems that I am in a place now where I have decided to speak up and say what needs to be said. Unfortunately, the people I love weren't prepared for such a change. I guess silence is preferred over honesty when you have been silent for a long time. And now my SO is leaving and my belief is confirmed. But I cannot be silent anymore. I don't know exactly when the change in me happened. It seemed to be knocking on my door for many years and finally, and with a lot of fear, I decided to be completely honest. Eventually, I know my life will be better because of it.

In any case, I want to thank you, Val C., for relaying your father's wisdom. It was exactly what I needed to hear at this time.

Shonie

 

[robyn6002]

Hmm.. gosh I'm in by 40s and guess I've been different. Being a single Mom, small woman, and working in software, I've found I'm a bit too blunt, too agressive, fiesty. So I'm actually working on being a little softer. Funny I'm still as strong but just not as harsh I guess.

As a small woman I've been loud my whole life, guess it's worked to get attention...