What's the going value of wedding presents?

G

gym_mom

Cathlete
I wouldn't ordinarily ask such a question, but I'm socially challenged so forgive me...

I haven't been to a wedding in ages. We've been invited to my cousin's wedding next weekend and we plan on giving them cash. They're in their late 30's/early 40's with a house and don't really need anything. Last time I went to a wedding, I gave the couple a gift of cash - $75. I was later "informed" that the amount was inappropriate for today's weddings and should have been more.

This wedding is going to be casual, western style. I've been told to wear jeans and cowboy boots - that's how casual it will be. I'm thinking $100, but is that enough/too much/not enough? I hate these social dilemas.

I know... I should go with what I can afford. Well my gift giving range is $75-125 which I think is kind of broad. So what do you give at weddings nowadays?

Claude


"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Satchel Paige
 
I was always taught that the 'gift' should approximate what the bride/groom spent to have you at the reception, if you are able. It should also probably be representative of your relationship to the couple, for example I give more for someone I am closer to, etc. In the situation you described I think $75 or $100 both seem reasonable. I also think that it is awful that someone would say that $75 is not acceptable by 'todays' standards, but that's just my opinion.


Jennifer :)
 
This wedding stuff drives me over the edge. I'd go with the least accpetable amount. At their ages they probably don't need anything anyway. I adopted a policy a few years ago and, unless it is someone who is very dear to me, I give a standard gift of Christopher Radko or Old World glass Christmas ornaments. I order them online and have them shipped and forget about it. Most newlyweds don't have many Christmas ornaments so they usually appreciate it. These ornaments are beautiful, easy to find, and come in boxed Wedding Collections like this:

http://www.christmas-treasures.com/OldWorldChristmas/Catalog/GlassOrnaments/WeddingNewlywed.htm

This gift has always been well received.
 
Hi,

I've never been to a casual-style wedding before, so my two cents may not apply here.

In my family we typically give money, not gifts, for the wedding. We reserve gifts for showers or engagement parties. I went to a wedding this summer for my cousing and gave them $250. Same for a close family friend early this spring. My parents, who are financially better off than I am (grad school stipends are pretty meager) typically give @$500. Again, not sure how to scale this type of stuff for casual weddings.

The fact is though that no one should be inviting you to their wedding with the expectation that you are going to break the bank for them. Weddings are about celebrating, not making money. Give what you can afford and the bride and groom should be happy that you were there to share their day with them.

cristina
 
I don't know but if I were you, I'd peek at their registry (are they registered someplace online?? even better!) to see what they asked for and let that guide you.

If they asked for paper plates, LOL, then $50 would be generous! I think we got generally gifts $50-100 from our relatives. I did have one family friend (a bachelor who went to grad school with my dad and whose house I ate Christmas Eve dinner with every year for my first 21 years) finish off our china registry as a gift, so that one was mighty expensive... but that was definitely a very generous exception!

I hope they will appreciate any amount you give them in addition to your presence. (spelled with a C not a T!!!)

And I hope that whoever it was that "informed" you at the last wedding was someone closer to you than to the couple, since that comment seems a little harsh!
 
I typically give between $150 and $200, depending on how close I am to the wedding people. I've also heard that bit about giving what the cost of your dinner would be, but I just can't buy into that. I just went to a really (and I mean REALLY) casual wedding of a favorite cousin of mine. If I went by that rule, I could have gotten away with giving him just $25. He got $200, just like my other cousin who had a fancy wedding at a posh country club.

I would suggest that you give what you are comfortable with and what you can afford.

Take Care,
Shelbygirl
 
It depends upon if you're going alone or if you're a couple. You should give more if you're a couple. I would also imagine that it depends upon what part of the country you live in, etc.

At my stepson's wedding last year in Long Island, New York, I think the average gift from a couple (who wasn't a close relative) was about $200 - $250.

Of course, good friends of the bride and groom who were young and single and just starting out in life would send something from the bridal registry that wasn't too expensive, and that was fine. But the middle-aged couple types all gave cash of $200-$250.

Of course there were several aunts and uncles who gave $500 or even $1,000, and one aunt actually gave $5,000(!!) but that is not considered to be the norm unless it's your precious niece or nephew and you're loaded. :+

HTH,
Nancy

ETA: I think that it's super casual does make a difference. My stepson's wedding was fancy shmancy. If the couple is paying $25/plate instead of $100/plate, it does matter. I think the gift can definitely be smaller under those circumstances.
 
I usually choose something from the registry that's around $100 dollars if it's not a close friend, around $150-175 for a close friend. BTW, I'm married, so these are "couples" prices. ;-)
-Kate
 
Ame, very few people from my family showed up, and the ones that did, like my uber-wealthy brother, were not particularly generous. x( x( My other darling brother didn't even send back the RSVP card. x( x( x( x( x( x(

-Nancy
 
Okay, then, I'm adopting Nancy's Stepson's family!!! :p

I got a lot of $35 gifts from couples, too. It didn't matter much to me- I got DH and no one else did!!! }( }( }(

Good thing I don't know there are all these rules!! :p :7
 
OK, I feel better about my $100 now. They aren't registered anywhere as far as I know. At least if they are, my aunt doesn't know and usually the parents of the groom have an idea of that sort of thing, right?

I do like the idea of the christmas ornaments though. I may look into that instead.

Thanks for the input.


"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Satchel Paige
 
I just wanted to say I am blown away by the amount of money you are talking about. I am the one who is out of it (or just poor?!)

If I were getting married and rec'd the amounts you are discussing I would be THRILLED!

Another idea I like to try and give (if I can figure out a good choice) is a magazine subscription. Its fun and lasts a long time. Maybe one for the bride and one for the groom. Sorry it this seems silly, but just a thought! Especially if they already have the normal wedding gifts of household items.

Mary :)
 
I'm amazed that anyone, any book, or any whatever would dictate what I have to give a couple for a wedding - I would have "informed" whomever told Claude that amount was inappropriate to MYOB! I'll be ding-donged if I'm going to be held to some table telling me what I have to give! I'm just appalled!

"You can't win them all - but you can try." - Babe Zaharias http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/musik/music-smiley-004.gif[/img]
 
For cousins and almost family members we give $200.00+. My Brothers and sisters $500 and up. My parents we give $1000.00+ or so to our cousins.

For friends of the family it depends on how close we are to them. Generally we give from $125.00 to $175.00.
 
I didn't read any of the above, but IMO I htink wedding presants are just to give the bride and groom an expensive gift so they can go return it and get some money back since they basically spent and arm and a leg to say "I do" LLOL:+ I'm JKD:D:D I really think wedding gifts are for giving the bride and groom something they can remember forever since they recieved it when they got married.


Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-

~Adri~
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I think it was someone here who once mentioned the site etiquettehell.com. Check it our for a laugh.

Anyhoo...first of all I want to know who was abysmally rude enough to tell you your gift was unacceptable. Your gift was more than generous. Second of all, the whole, "your gift should equal the amount of the dinner" really gets my Irish up (whoever posted it though is 100 percent correct though, it's the current guideline). I'm a guest at YOUR personal event, freely invited and now you're going to rob me for $150, $200 or $300 bucks on an dinner menu I had nothing to do with?! Please. I'll bring a PB&J in my purse on principle and send you a serving spoon from Target. I feel the same way about inviting people and expecting them to pay for drinks, or, as seems to be the rage as well, throwing a baby shower, retirement party, graduation event etc., inviting people, and then informing them of their portion of the final bill. When did guests stop being guests and become lenders and bankers?!

Sorry to rant. I just feel strongly that you don't invite people to an event and then charge them for it, which is what "your gift should equal the amount of the dinner" essentially amounts to.

Sparrow <----- who lets people come over for free. :p




Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
I do agree that of course you give a gift you can afford, first and foremost. When my niece got married 5 years ago, we gave her $250.00. She had a very expensive wedding, but I gave her that amount because she is my niece and I could afford to. Even if she had a casual, inexpensive wedding, I would have given her that. Now a co-worker of mine is getting married soon and having a fairly lavish wedding. I'm not particularly close to her outside of work, and I am unable to attend, but if my DH and I went, I would have given at least $150.00, maybe $200., and this is someone I'm not that close to. One of the reasons I'm not going is because I really can't afford a gift like that for someone I'm not very close with. Rather than feel embarrassed by giving $50.00, I chose not to go. I feel if we're not that close, why go and spend money I can't afford. Many of us at work that aren't attending are chipping in smaller amounts and will give one check from all of us not going.

Again, I feel it's an individual thing. Some people would go and give the lesser gift, I just don't feel comfortable doing that. But that doesn't mean I'm right and that other person is wrong. It's just how I feel, and no one should dictate to you how much to give or what is the right amount to give.
 
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