Crystal,
I know it is such a big effort to lose weight and nobody understands unless they have been in our fat shoes. I didn't buy any jeans until I got into a size 14 and then just a couple of pairs. The journey is not only a day by day effort but a minute by minute effort. EVERY bite that you put in your mouth you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? Now, I am talking about things you know you shouldn't eat regularly and things that are not on your "diet". You have to ask everytime is it worth the calories to not reach my goal, is it really worth it? What do you want, the fattening food or to be a healthy weight? Ask yourself that question every time you think about straying from your goals and I mean everytime. Is it fair, HECK NO! But you have decided you want a change and you will be so thrilled when you see those changes.
Now after saying that, I feel it is important to allow yourself a treat now and then so you don't feel so deprived and feeling sorry for yourself. I know I do that a lot. It works for me to have a "regular" meal once or twice a month. Not go crazy with it but have something you absolutely love but stop when you start feeling full. Sometimes I think that I want some chocolate so I have a bite, A BITE, and I am satisfied. Now that may not work for you. But find a way that you have a treat but not go totally off the diet wagon.
We do understand you being disgusted with yourself because you are not doing as you think you should. We have probably all been there at one point or another. But try not to waste too much time on this feeling because it is not going to help you with your goal. You need to feel in control and then take that control.
I know I have gone on but I truly want to see each and everyone reach their goals. The feeling of accomplishment is outstanding and soooooooo worth all the days of wanting this and that and knowing you shouldn't eat it. It is very worth it all! So, start everyday like a new beginning and say for that day you are going to eat right and exercise. You can't take back yesterday and you don't know what tomorrow will bring your way but you do have today to deal with your goals. Please, stay as focused as life will allow and keep your eye on the goal....a new healthy you!!!
Kelly, stepping down from her podium...LOL