Waaaay O/T: Suggestions for Kids With No Friends

S

sparrow

Cathlete
Hello Learned Ladies :)

Does anyone have any experience with helping kids make friends? I've just been talking to my sis and she is worried about my 6 year old niece who doesn't have any friends. We are having trouble figuring out why. She's bright, outgoing, funny, pretty and has all the interests of a typical girl her age: ponies, pink and princesses! She' s been in school (homeschooled now though), soccer, library programs etc. but still, no friends. The kids aren't mean to her at all they just don't seem to care about getting to know her. She's starting to ask why she never gets invited to sleepovers and parties like her older brother, who is Mr. Popular. :( It makes me so sad for her.

Any suggestions or ideas?

Sparrow


Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
That's a hard one. I never had that many friends growing up, so I'm not one to give advice, perhaps! Though I think homeschooling is a step in the WRONG direction. School is not only for learning, it's probably the place where most of kids' socializing gets done.

Are there kids in the neighborhood? Children of her parents' friends? I see she's been in organizations (soccer), so would think she'd make at least one friend there.

Is there something about her that turns off the other kids somehow? Something that you can't see because you love her? Does she act "strange" around other kids?

(And NOTHING is off topic in this forum, so how could anything be WAY off-topic? ;-) )
 
I have a 6 year old daughter and she seems to meet most of her friends at school - so this is a hard one since your niece is homeschooled.

I think your sis is going to have get involved, which starts with making friends with the moms. When my daughter goes to a function - soccer, softball or whatever, I make a point to meet a couple of the moms and then I invite them over for coffee. Us moms get to know each other and the girls can play. I find that once a little girl has come over to my house to play then my daughter and her become instant friends.

Best of luck!
Michelle
 
Sparrow, that has to be hard. I'm no child psychologist, but I'm wondering if she's a little bit shy? I might be inclined to gently push her to be more assertive. Maybe she could invite a couple of girls over for an afternoon of play. Your sister could also invite a couple of moms over for coffee and ask them to bring their daughters along for pizza or something.

At this point I wouldn't worry too much. Maybe your niece is too smart and mature for other girls her age.

I'll keep your niece in my prayers and do keep us posted.

Michele
 
I think Michelle's suggestion is absolutely right on!!! Your sister (the mom) will really model how to make friends for your niece. It's so important, and I think it's great your sister has noticed and wants to make a change to help her.
 
Hi sparrow,

I don't have kids, but I have a friend who was kind of dealing with something similar. It might be helpful for your sister to get in touch with another mom or two and maybe do some inviting of other kids to her house. That might get the ball rolling.
 
As mother of 4 boys - one grown and gone - 3 at home and homeschooled, I don't think being homeschooled is a problem. The athletic and social outings are still available. I agree with Michelle, Moms getting to know and socializing with moms can get things rolling for the kids.

I have a high-functioning austic son and social skills are a major problem. Sometimes being social is just a lot of work for some children.
 
Did anyone notice I can't spell "austic" aka "autistic"

Did I even spell that one correctly? I'm leaving now..........
 
>Did anyone notice I can't spell "austic" aka "autistic"
>
>Did I even spell that one correctly? I'm leaving
>now..........
>

LOL Melody :)

Thanks for the thoughtful replies, ladies.

KATHRYN: you're comment that maybe there is some behavior she is exhibiting that we don't see through love really struck me. I'll mention that to my sister and see what she thinks.

MICHELLE: You may have hit the nail on the head. My sis is pretty shy, and now that I have moved back to the area we spend a lot of time together, so there is not much incentive for her to go out and make friends with other moms. I will harass her about it :D

MICHELE: Thanks for the prayers :) I agree that she is young and it may not turn out to be a big deal in the end. I think the concern has escalated as of late because for the first time *she* is commenting on her lack of friends. Her little face falls every time big brother heads out to a playdate.

MELODY: I agree about the homeschooling. Academically both kids are thriving under homeschooling. And they are in social activities. Your comment struck me too, "sometimes being social is just a lot of work for some kids." That may be the case for her, perhaps even her whole life (my sister and I both tend towards shyness). it does necessarily mean that there is something "wrong" with her.

I'm so impressed by all the parents on this board. That you guys let your kids go out into the world and risk falling down amazes me. It's so unselfish and courageous. I think I would just want to wrap them in cotton and stick 'em in a closet until they were old enough to take care of themselves! :)

Sparrow

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage
 
I have to add one more thing -- because I also have a son and I have to say it is harder for girls to make friends. My son will join other boys who are playing basketball, soccer or whatever -- just join right in, no questions asked. Sort of like grown men. My husband will go golfing by himself and just join in with men he doesn't even know -- now, could women do that as easily??

Girls sometimes feel they need to be "invited" into the game. (Heck, I still haven't gotten over that one yet!) However at the age of 6 when a group are playing and having fun the farthest thing from their minds is the girl standing by herself. And it doesn't help when the mom is pushing their young girl toward a group of girls saying "go play". How frightening for the little thing!! (Not that I'm saying your sister does that!)

Good luck to your sister! She really is going to have to be the one to help her daughter make friendship -- and it may not always be easy -- but tell her to keep trying, because there nothing more joyful than seeing your child surrounded by loving friends.

Michelle
 
Hi Sparrow,

My daughter, 8, would rather play with boys her age than girls. She is also very femine, loves pink, dressing up and being otherwise fabulous BUT she would rather play in the sandbox than with her Bratz dolls.

Maybe your niece just hasn't met the right friend yet. Don't count out boys! I also have a 10 year old son, so growing up with him as 'the leader' I think my daughter developed different interests.

There's someone for everyone in love and friendship, keep looking. :)
 
Shyness can play into this big time. I remember my sister did not even speak to our GRANDMOTHER until she was 8 yo. She was really that shy.

She turned out to be a wild woman!
 
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