Update.....on marriage problems

[joditoad1974]

Hey guys.........well we went to dinner alone, and I brought it up, and he was really mad that I asked him. He said he could not beleive that I did not trust him, and that he did not cheat since we were married, but he did when we were together the first couple months. I told him it would take me a while to build up my trust again, and he asked if I didn't want to be with him anymore. I told him I was not going to leave, and would try to work things out mainly because of the kids....and that I would try to work through this if he would do some counsuling through our church for married couples.....he agreed, so I guess we are going to continue to stay together. I told him if I EVER find out anything else....he is gone! Thanks for all the advice ladies..........I hope everything works out.

Joanna

 

[67firecracker]

Thanks for the update. I know you probably aren't feeling a whole lot better but at least you did the right thing. You did the mature thing and waiting to bring it up while you were out - I'm not sure I'd have that much control.

I can understand him being mad - that's a defense thing BUT I don't understand why he can't believe you wouldn't trust him. Trust is earned not just given. I'm confused about one thing though - he said he hasn't cheated since you got married - I thought you had said he had cheated when you were pregnant? Was that before you got married?

Its great he agreed to these positive steps. This speaks volumes. Although it's a terrible thing to find out you'll come out better for this in the end as a stronger person and hopefully with a stronger marriage.

All the best and may you have strength for this day!
Trish

 

[lorihart]

Did he admit to it? I guess agreeing to go to counselling is admitting it. Why would anyone go to counselling if they didn't do anything wrong.
You must feel a bit better? I would have mentioned it b/c I would have spent the rest of my life wondering. I am one who as to deal with problems and then move on.
I hope everything works out and I am glad you updated us as well.
Good luck!
Lori

 

[Rose11]

Oh my goodness! I'm glad you talked to him, but I don't know why his reaction gave me the creeps. He was mad? I mean, don't you have the right to ask those things? I'm glad you took your counselor's advice and talked to him alone and in a public place! You have a lot of courage Joanna. How you told him if he ever does it again he is gone!! You go girl! Maybe his reaction was a defense mechanism. I don't know. Some men react like that sometimes, especially when they're caught in a lie.

Even with all that has happened I hope you work things out. It is worth it to give him a chance, for your kids, for yourself, and even for him, so know you have to work on forgiveness.

 

[lorihart]

I agree, you must be a very strong person. Stronger then I would be.If I found out DH cheated on me I would of gone CRAZY! I would have did a dance and everything!
You can say fine, he cheated on me 7 yrs ago but I would always be doubting that he hadn't done it more recently then 7 yrs. I would have a hard time with the trust factor as well. To me, trust is just as important as the love.If you don't have both you don't have much of anything.
Lori