Today's Dr. Phil and my sister

dananmis22

Cathlete
I can barely speak. I watched the show today and started crying b/c that is exactly where I see my sister going with her BF. For those who didn't see the show, there was an alchoholic husband and a violently abusive wife. Whenever he gets drunk, she beats him in front of their kids. She has beat him with a vodka bottle on his head, neck and torso and arms; when he passes out she stomps on his body and kicks him. She has even pushed him down the stairs.

I am so afraid this is the past my sister is going down. I watched this show, and had this aweful feeling in my gut, you know the one that tells you something is very wrong and makes you feel sick? That one. She was abused by my stepdad when we were younger and she never talked to anyone about it with anyone including me, so she still has that polluting her. Noone knows what he did to her, though we do have an idea. Her boyfriend used to do drugs, but since has quit, but has been drinking more and more and she uses him as a punching bag. Not just when he drinks, but whenever he says something she doesn't like. He has a learning disability, and she told him that she hopes their kids don't end up stupid. I am so angry at her, and I have talked to her but she doesn't see anything wrong. She feels like it is all his fault. If he didn't get drunk, if he would just think before he spoke, if he would just get off his lazy @ss and do the dishes, if he......you get the picture. Well, she is now 37 weeks pregnant, and I am so afraid of their family's future. My sister, neephew, and even her BF, because I do like him. They both need help, and they are both toxic for each other. I see what they could become if they go the way they are, and want to intervene and help but don't know if a can or should.

If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it. This is so difficult for me to think about. I love my sister, and I want her to be in a happy family unit. But I also know that she is doing things very very wrong. It is too late for her too cut ties with BF because now they are having a baby. Anything anyone has to say is greatly valued!
 
I am a clinical social worker and I have to say first off that because there is now a child to be in the mix that it is SO IMPORTANT to get some kind of intervention going. Once you "grow up" in a toxic environment, it becomes the norm - you think everyone else has the problem. Life just works that way. If the BF does not take an active stance and just enables the situation, it is making an already difficult situation worse. If they are not open or on board to help than I would see about using community resources to assist you, a crisis center, social services, etc, that can steer you in the right direction, especially since a child is involved.

Thank you also for the recap on Dr. Phil. I only caught the last 5 min and had NO idea what they were talking about. Smart, huh? The show topic was a frightfully horrible situation, but one that probably will out hopefully a lot of similar situations. There are probably many more than we think.

Debbie
 

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