Jonezie
Cathlete
Have you ever been bullied? Or cyber-bullied? As a child? An adult? In your own family? On this forum?
I teach an anti-bullying campaign to teenagers, but research shows that the majority of child and teenage bullies don't abandon their bullying in adulthood, but perfect it to an art form instead. I found this in a publication at work recently. It was addressed to employees dealing with adult bullies in the workforce. Notice #19...it is especially relevant to another thread happening concurrently.
"The serial bully:
1. is a convincing, practised liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
2. has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully's aggression sees both sides;
3. is emotionally retarded with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a five-year-old
4. is emotionally immature and emotionally untrustworthy
5. holds deep prejudices (against anyone who believes differently) but goes to great lengths to keep this prejudicial aspect of their personality secret
6. is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability, has a deep-seated contempt of perceived enemies
7. is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably
8. aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose
9. serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity
10. displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence
11. shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn't flow and arguments that don't hold water
12. flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you've never had a proper conversation
13. refuses to be specific and never gives a straight answer
14. is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability to escape accountability
15. undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the bully's mask
16. is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them
17. is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to account
gains gratification from denying people what they are entitled to
18. is highly manipulative, especially of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt)
19. poisons peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions (Often saying things like "You have no sense of humor" or "You're just too sensitive.")
20. when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression
21. often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others
22. is mean-spirited, officious, and often unbelievably petty
23. is always a taker and never a giver
24. is convinced of their superiority and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)
25. often fraudulently claims qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus
26. often misses the semantic meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself
27. is constantly imposing on others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication
28. is the first to pick a fight, and the first to claim victimization once challenged ("the poor me" syndrome)
The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behaviour and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof; however, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are doing, they are responsible for their behaviour and thus liable for its consequences to other people. If the bully doesn't know what they are doing, they should be suspended from duty on the grounds of diminished responsibility and the provisions of the Mental Health Act should apply."
Jonezie
I teach an anti-bullying campaign to teenagers, but research shows that the majority of child and teenage bullies don't abandon their bullying in adulthood, but perfect it to an art form instead. I found this in a publication at work recently. It was addressed to employees dealing with adult bullies in the workforce. Notice #19...it is especially relevant to another thread happening concurrently.
"The serial bully:
1. is a convincing, practised liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
2. has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully's aggression sees both sides;
3. is emotionally retarded with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a five-year-old
4. is emotionally immature and emotionally untrustworthy
5. holds deep prejudices (against anyone who believes differently) but goes to great lengths to keep this prejudicial aspect of their personality secret
6. is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability, has a deep-seated contempt of perceived enemies
7. is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably
8. aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose
9. serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity
10. displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence
11. shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn't flow and arguments that don't hold water
12. flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you've never had a proper conversation
13. refuses to be specific and never gives a straight answer
14. is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability to escape accountability
15. undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the bully's mask
16. is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them
17. is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to account
gains gratification from denying people what they are entitled to
18. is highly manipulative, especially of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt)
19. poisons peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions (Often saying things like "You have no sense of humor" or "You're just too sensitive.")
20. when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression
21. often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others
22. is mean-spirited, officious, and often unbelievably petty
23. is always a taker and never a giver
24. is convinced of their superiority and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)
25. often fraudulently claims qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus
26. often misses the semantic meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself
27. is constantly imposing on others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication
28. is the first to pick a fight, and the first to claim victimization once challenged ("the poor me" syndrome)
The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behaviour and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof; however, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are doing, they are responsible for their behaviour and thus liable for its consequences to other people. If the bully doesn't know what they are doing, they should be suspended from duty on the grounds of diminished responsibility and the provisions of the Mental Health Act should apply."
Jonezie
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