Sister's destination wedding - gift?

RunninTeach

RunninTeach

Cathlete
My sister is getting married this fall aboard a Disney cruise. Actually, the wedding itself will be on Disney's private island in the Bahamas.

I am rooming with two other people and it is still running me about $1200 for the four-night cruise & flights. Because it's rather expensive, I debated at first if I would attend. It's her second wedding, and they are planning a January reception locally. I considered skipping the cruise and meeting them in the Bahamas for the ceremony but found out the island is only accesible via Disney ship. Then, I thought about just attending the Jan. reception and giving them a generous gift. When I jokingly asked her if she would prefer my presence on the cruise or my present, she said, "Both."

So, now I'm going, and my question is...what is appropriate to give as a gift when you attend a destination wedding?

~Cathy http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/4.gif

"Out on the roads there is fitness and self-discovery and the persons we were destined to be." -George Sheehan
 
Give her the gift of your presence, and don't worry about a present. Anyone who can afford to marry, divorce, and marry again with the second wedding including a cruise and a 4-day vacay in the Bahamas, with a later local reception to boot, doesn't need anything else.

Churlish, I know, but that's my advice.

A-Jock
 
While I don't agree with A-jock that your sister's plans sound particularly extravagant (this may be the first wedding for her fiance), I agree that it's perfectly okay for you to give her some kind of sentimental gift that doesn't cost much. Something personal, meaningful and dirt cheap. ;)
 
Okay, Cathy, I've been shopping when I should have been working. :p I thought this would be a clever idea. Coasters they can put wedding pics into. It sounds silly, but they look really nice:
http://www.crateandbarrel.com/family.aspx?c=2210&f=12620

Not that I think you have to get her anything, but something like this is thoughtful and cheap. I do agree that your presence is enough.
 
I appreciate the responses as I truly do not know what the protocol is for something like this. Frankly, I would have thought the invitations might have said, "No gifts" but her response to my (thinly-veiled) joke clearly indicated something is expected.

I do think this is an expensive venture for guests - the ship leaves port Thursday evening, spends Friday at sea, deposits everyone on the island for the ceremony on Saturday, and then drops you back in port very early Sunday morning. You don't get a whole lot of cruise for your money.

Thanks for the coaster idea, Nancy - they look nice and would be an inexpensive yet personal option. Maybe I can take some photos on the cruise (I'm into photography) and give the gift at the Jan. reception.

~Cathy http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/4.gif

"Out on the roads there is fitness and self-discovery and the persons we were destined to be." -George Sheehan
 
So you pay for a cruise and don't even get a real cruise? I wonder how many people will actually attend.

ETA: I LOVE the idea of your putting your own pics from the cruise and the wedding in the coasters! :D Or you can do a collage of pics, or a single pic, in a picture frame. If it were me, I would really appreciate such a thoughtful, personal gift. :D
 
Cathy, although I still stand by my earlier churlierishness }( , if you do wish to get your sis / new BIL a little personalized something you might also check out the Snapfish website (www.snapfish.com). Not only is it a photo-sharing website in which you have to log on to access others' photos - and in fact be invited to do so (protects member privacy), it also is a site where you can have novelty items made from your photos - books, mousepads, coffee mugs, etc.

A-Jock
 
That's a great idea, A-jock. The site we used for our OAL t-shirts was excellent too, though I can't remember the name. The t-shirts were very high quality, so I assume all of their merchandise is good.
 
Quite honestly, I think it is outrageous that your sister expects "guests" to fork out $1200 each for the pleasure of attending her wedding!

I've never heard the like.

If they want an expensive cruise, they should save it for the honeymoon part of the deal, and celebrate locally where guests can easily reach them, come celebrate with them and take part in their joy and get them a gift to begin their married life.

I thought the point about weddings was for guests to share the couple's joy not go into debt?

If your sister gets any gifts at all, I will be amazed.

In this case, if you are short on funds, you should be honest with her because she is asking too much of her guests.

Buying a present or not is completely up to you and your pocket book. It is not a question of wedding etiquette. By making her guests spend so much in order to be able to share her wedding with her, your sister has already shown disregard for standard etiquette, I reckon. Get her a gift, other than your cheerful prescence at her wedding, if you feel you want to and you can afford it.

Seriously, she should count her blessings she has a generous, warm hearted sister like you.

Clare
 
Cathy-

I love those coasters Nancy found. I expect your sister is registered someplace? I'm also betting she's listed some glassware on the registry... so you can tie it in that way!
Totally love the idea of wedding coasters- much better than something that will likely be replaced in a year or two, the coasters will remain used and enjoyed for years into their shared life together! And since you enjoy photography, making the coasters for the Jan reception will be a very special way to really give from your heart.

I think the destination weddings are really tough. We've had to say "no" (more like, are you kidding us) to more than one! I applaud your desire to be with your sister on her wedding day, no matter what.

Zazzle is the t-shirt place, btw.
 
Nancy, my thoughts exactly. It’s a pretty big rip-off. For the same money, we could have enjoyed a 7-night cruise in the Caribbean. I mentioned this and said to her, “Can I ask why it has to be Disney?” Her answer was that Disney does everything sophisticated. :) I think there are about 20 people attending (most from his side of the family. It is his 1st marriage.)

A-Jock, I totally appreciate the churlishness :) because I’m a bit sour about the whole thing. I have ordered regular prints through Snapfish before and recall seeing some of those items you mentioned. Good idea -- I’ll check out the site.

Clare, I love how you always tell it straight-up. :) I read your post and said, “Amen!” to everything. *lol* I’m not all that warm-hearted and generous. I really wasn’t going to go, but my father kept nagging me about it. He thinks the cost is outrageous, too, but that it’s the “right thing” to do.

Amy, no, she’s not registered. At least I *think* she’s not registered. If she registered for marriage #2, that would be nuts!

Thanks again, everyone, for the input. I feel much better knowing I'm not *obligated* to give a gift.

~Cathy http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/4.gif

"Out on the roads there is fitness and self-discovery and the persons we were destined to be." -George Sheehan
 
Clare,

I agree with you! I can't imagine asking guests to fork over money for a cruise, and then expect a gift!

But I do think Nancy had a great idea with the coasters!

Good luck, and when you go, just have fun!
Ann Marie:)
 
I think that you can NEVER have enough pictures on your wedding day so... Start when they get on the ship and take pictures of everything. Be near their photographer and take everything.Lunch and diner, swimming in the pool. In January present her with a fantastic album and you have all the negatives to do whatever you/she want with them.Usually a photographer will give you the pictures not the negatives.
Ellen
 
Cathy, take a look on the internet regarding "destination wedding etiquette". It's very interesting. Several sites state that the bride and groom are supposed to pay for lodging, and the guests pay only for their airfare.

I also agree with Clare. Gift-giving is never required, and in this case your presence would certainly be enough. If you do something inexpensive (but labor-intensive) with your photography as a gift, it would be absolutely awesome of you, but that's up to you. Let the people at the local reception give the gifts. Your sister should not be expecting gifts from the cruise guests.
 
Nancy,
Very interesting! It didn't occur to me to do a google search on that. Based upon the opinions kindly given here and what I have now read elsewhere, most agree that your attendance at a destination wedding is considered a gift in and of itself, and I'll think I'll go with that.

Should I change my mind later about giving a gift, I will keep it simple and do something inexpensive with the wedding photo idea in mind.

Thanks again, everyone! The honest feedback is appreciated.

~Cathy http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/4.gif

"Out on the roads there is fitness and self-discovery and the persons we were destined to be." -George Sheehan
 
Cathy:

go, have fun, enjoy yourself and maybe take some pictures to load here? Please come back and tell us how it went. I've never heard of the concept of a "destination wedding." I'm curious!

Have fun!

Clare
 
I think your sister is exactly the person to whom you can say, "Hey I am so not getting you a present because your cruise is costing me a fortune."


KIM
 
>I think your sister is exactly the person to whom you can
>say, "Hey I am so not getting you a present because your
>cruise is costing me a fortune."
>
>

Agreed 100%!
 
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