Sisterly sabotage?

[bearcatfan]

Now, I love my sister. But something she said last night is still bugging me. She has always been the "naturally thin one" in our family, while I have to work at losing/maintaining. She doesn't even exercise - never has!

Anyway, I told her I had lost 15 lbs. and was fitting into sizes I hadn't seen since high school and was all excited (coincidentally, I am one size away from her current size). She said how easy will this be to maintain? Uh, I just got done with my spiel on how I've changed my lifestyle and way of eating, finally figuring it all out. She didn't have much to say. And maybe she didn't mean it the snotty way I interpreted it, but I guess I"m a little sensitive since weight has always been hard for me. I guess maybe I feel like she's jinxing me, too.

I really wish I hadn't said anything to her, just shown up at Thanksgiving. Arg. I am getting much positive feedback from people who actually SEE me, so maybe she won't believe it until then.

Ah, sisters. So much baggage .

Rose

 

[starbuck]

Hi Rose

Family is difficult and I find that often there are roles in the family my sister is the good one she went to college. I am the difficult one as I am stubborn and argumentative. My sister the naturally thin one my the porker.

When you start to change behaviour attidudes even size in families other members sometimes feel threatened as you are changing your role. Also it may make them feel differently about themselves there lives and even bring out jealousies you never knew existed.

Your sister may not have meant to be mean but as often people lose weight and often put it back on she may have been voicing a concern. Responding as she did may not have been encouragind and added to family history and your past relationship with her I would say don't take offense response in a postive way. People take the lead about how we feel about ourselves from us if they see or hear a weakness they will go for it and family are much worse and can be more negative than others.

My sister have come a long way and we have both had to lay down roles of how and what we say to each other (especially the "how"). Relationships take work and if that doesn't work try distance.

My 2 cents.

Babs

 

[honeybunch1]

There seems to be an understanding, or misconception, that you don't have to polite and considerate to your relatives. This is not unique to the younger generation, either, as is widely believed. We learn be example, don't we?

Anyway, I believe your sister doesn't like it because she is no longer the "thin" one in the family, and would like to change things back to the way they used to be. Don't give in, and make it a point not to bring it up around her again.



Just Do It!

 

[Erin-F]

Another perspective

Now, I didn't hear tone of voice or anything like that which would help interpret meaning here, but could it have been an expression of concern? Some people do some awfully unhealthy things to lose weight, and then as soon as they give up the stringent, sometimes abusive to their bodies, weight loss method, they gain it back. OR they may continue to abuse their bodies to maintain their new body. Your sister MAY have been concerned that your "figuring it out" may contain some unhealthy gimmick that you now plan to keep up the rest of your life.

Like I said, I didn't hear tone of voice, so it may have obviously not been concern, but I did want to throw in another possible perspective.

Congratulations and good job on the great results from all your hard work!!!!

Erin

 

[clareMc]

Rose:

all of the comments you have received here seem encouraging and sensible.

It probably isn't worth going to war over if you can help it. Things that start small can soon escalate and lead to terrible rifts in families that maybe once were close. I know because I fear the same may happen to me and my family.

You know what your goals and values are, and you know that you have made changes in your lifestyle that are lifeime ones. You really don't have to explain yourself to anyone else. Your sense of self-worth omes from within, from your sucessess, determination, achievements and love for and from others and you can see that self-worth reflected in the relationships you have with the people closest to you who love you, a la Bridget Jones, "just as you are" (God, Iove that film!).

It's hard for us to tell if her tone expressed concern for you and your long term health, or perhaps jealousy, for as Babs so rightly says, roles in families are laid down and other family members may be less willing for you to rock the boat and change your role. After all, you are changing, they are not, and that can be threatening to them.

Rose, stay cool, perhaps really it is your sister's problem and not yours?

Clare

 

[naughtoj]

Hey, this does not just happen within the family. I find MANY women are like this. All so threatened!! It is really silly. But yeah, I agree with Honeybunch. Especially since your sis has never worked out, she is probably just jealous. Wow, and you have nothing to worry about..she isn't even working out. You are for sure the healthier one, right?? Blow it off as much as you can!!! Congratulations on your weight loss!! I have found that fitness talk, especially about pounds lost and specifics such as that is better left to yourself UNTIL someone brings it up!!

Janice

 

[Tinaraye]

I have to agree with Janice, Just blow it off. They are jealous, I do know how you feel tho. One time when I lost a considerable amount of weight my brother said," The hard part is keeping it off not loosing it" humm what a sweetheart hua? I busted my
butt to lose that weight.

A girl at work is the same way, if anyone loses weight she will do her darnedest to
get them to eat something that is not good if that doesn't work she will put you down
every chance she gets.

Blow them off! You did great,You feel better and "That's what matters"
Congratulations.

Tina

 

[AndreaL]

Agree with Janice

My sis-in-law, who is also one of my closest friends, never asks me how my races go or anything. I never bring it up either. And it's not just women. An old co-worker who I am still friends with is the same way. I hadn't seen him in a while and when he asked what I had been up to I told I had just finished a 4 mile race in the moutains. He said, "Oh". I (probably wrongly) always feel like these people only want to talk about themselves, because after hearing some long boring story about their doctor appt. or gambling over the weekend they don't want to hear anything about my interests.

It gets VERY discouraging. So, keep coming here. We all love to hear workouts stories and stuff!

Andrea

 

[susanz]

Both my sister and I put weight on easily. I however love to exercise and have managed to keep off a 30# weight loss for over 13 years. She hates to exercise and has yo yo dieted herself too much. She was recently diagnosed with a hypothyroid so I thought maybe that would get her at least walking but no. She was on WW last year and lost almost 25#"s I was so proud of her and she felt so good. Then the weight came back. I do not preach to her,I do not gloat. I figure she's 10 years older than I and knows what she needs to do. I love her and I have told her I'd help her anyway she wants me to.
She has made little remarks in the past about my exercising. I just make a remark right back to her and then we laugh. I guess it's easier for us cuz I've been where she is and I can understand. Susan